SpiralOut Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I never thought I would have this problem. Growing up, all of my friends were female with the exception of my one (gay) guy friend. I just felt more comfortable around them than with men. About 5 years ago, I changed into a different person, basically lost myself. As a result I became very angry and negative. I would complain and gossip about people I didn't like, quite aggressively actually. And somehow these passive-aggressive comments would come out of my mouth whenever I was around people, even people that I liked if I felt jealous something would just slip out. I wouldn't do it on purpose. I had very few women friends. About 1 year ago my very last female friend in town moved away and now I don't have any. Most of my friends are/were men. And right now, I haven't many of those either. I've been putting a lot of effort into changing, being more positive and learning to keep my jealous/anger under control. Now that I see how I've been acting, I feel very embarassed and insecure by it. I am so worried that I'm still unpleasant to be around. So basically my theory is that women freak me out because women notice things men don't. They notice passive-aggressiveness. They notice manipulation, two-facedness, and all those things that I got into a very bad habit of doing. I guess I'm writing this right now because I am freaking out over two women I thought I was becoming friends with but now they are unresponsive to me. The first one, I would probably write off if it weren't for the fact that she has something of mine of great sentimental value that I want back. I do want her as a friend but she seems to be too busy for that. But I still try and make plans to meet up with her because I would like my belongings back. Whenever I mention it she acts enthusiastic, but when I try and set a date and time she is unresponsive. This hurts because I thought that we got along really well and that we liked each other and now meeting up for a simple coffee is mission impossible. The other woman I am unsure of what to think of her. We have a lot in common and get along really well. I guess the main problem is we are both shy. We have fun when we hang out, which we did a few times. The last time we were supposed to hang out, SHE was the one who invited me. We made plans, but no set time. I tried contacting her several times the week of to make sure we were still meeting and to set up a time and place. No response!! I would have appreciated a "sorry but I can't now" but I didn't even get that. But then a few weeks later she responded to something else I said when I chatted with her on facebook and she made no mention of what had happened, which pissed me off. I have tried several times since then to make friendly conversation and I get no response. But she'll comment on things I write on facebook. I don't understand it. I am not sure if this is an issue of ME doing something wrong or if this is her own issues. I finally just sent her a message asking her if I had said something to offend her because I am curious about her lack of responding. Maybe that was aggressive on my part? I mean that's fine if she is not interested in being friends with me but if I said something to offend her then I would like to know so I can at least apologize. So I'm not sure if I'm even mad that she's not talking to me anymore, it just hurts me to think that she may not like me and that I may have done something to justify it. Then there is my friend who moved away. I haven't heard anything at all from her since she left. I don't know if she is just busy or doesn't have internet access. I have sent her messages and emails (don't have her new number) and gotten no response. I am wondering if she is just MIA with everyone or with just me. Anyway if you read through all that, thanks for reading. I'm feeling rather insecure lately and yeah just feeling sad that I am having trouble connecting with other women. I don't know if there is something offputting about me or if I am just not meeting the right types of people.
Author SpiralOut Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 I should mention that I do have some friends from my hometown I am able to connect with, so maybe I am not totally horrible to be around. I am very close to my one best female friend (who lives in another city now). And about a month ago I met up with some women I used to be very close to in highschool. That whole experience was a bit strange. One of them I connected with much better than I thought I would. She was very happy to see me and we had fun and she's excited for me to visit again. Another one, we got along but it felt like something was missing. She saw how upset I was when I mentioned I broke up with my ex, but there was no time to talk about it while I was visiting. She sent me an email later encouraging me to talk about it. So I did. She hasn't responded to it. It has been weeks! It hurts. It makes me wonder if I am really that awful to deal with I don't even deserve a response. Then my other friend I met up with, there is a huge distance between us. There are hurt feelings that need to be dealt with, but of course there was no time to deal with it due to my short visit. Anyway any thoughts of opinions are welcome...
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