thelovingkind Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) Hi guys, I've recently had a relationship go from perfection to heading south and crashing to an end all within a week. In one of our few messages talking about the break-up (I've since self-imposed NC, and he hasn't tried to contact), he emphasised that really everything was perfection for him too until the last week. Basically, what happened is the dreaded sudden loss of interest. Over the last week he quickly became conversationally detached, distant and generally unenthusiastic about us. He later admitted he felt his "emotions had gone into a void" during this period and had spent a lot of time lying on his bed, listening to music blaring, feeling off and not having an appetite. Within a week I pressed him on what was going on, and he admitted that he had no idea what happened but he felt nothing for our future anymore. The difficult thing for me to get to grips with is that, when we both got together, we had similar situations and desires - quite lonely people (though not pathologically anti-social) who had a few personal friends but nothing resembling a social network, and both of us wanted a relationship but had bad luck in the (distant) past. In the first few months we grew to rely on each other a lot as friends and partners. I remember one night I'd been feeling a little bit off when we said goodnight, and he texted me at 2am saying "I can't sleep, I'm so worried something is up. I sometimes wonder what I'd do if you decided not to see me anymore and I can't bare the thought Please tell me if there's a problem" On another occasion he remarked that if I broke up with him he'd probably move cities or something, and wouldn't be able to stay here because he'd be so lost and alone. This was all just a few _weeks_ before his feelings suddenly turned. And now I've been plunged into his feared position - feeling lost and alone, no idea what to do. The thing that's been so difficult for me is that I've never been in the position of the person who suddenly loses interest after having bounds of it in the first place. I wish I could draw on some personal experience to "feel" and understand what happened to him. I have lost interest in two different situations: a) the first few weeks of a new fling, twice after what I can now see were appalling stints of rebound/denial and b) after casually dating someone and liking them but not feeling in my gut that it was all "there". But situations like this just feel different - I don't think it's my own vanity (i.e. being unable to accept that he too never felt everything was "there"), although feel free to call me out if you think it is. I know every situation is different, but can anyone who has experience of really wanting, desiring and NEEDING someone, not knowing how you could live without them, sustaining those feelings at least past the opening "rush", not arguing or having any kind of tension about life decisions but still having those feelings quickly melt away tell me in their own words what the experience was like for you? I know better than to ask my own ex, so maybe some similar accounts would hep. I'm interested in things like: Did you lose physical attraction - did you feel "icky" being in bed with them? Were you sad - did you mourn the loss when the break-up happened, even though you no longer had an interest in maintaining the relationship? Did you ever have flickers of the "old" feelings again, or was the spark permanently extinguished? Did you still have some kind of warm, fond personal feelings for them, or did they start to appear in your eyes as an awkward stranger? Ultimately, did you ever identify, through self-reflection, a primary "trigger" for the loss of interest - physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual - and if so what was it? Or did those feelings just mysteriously depart in the night, leaving you forever none the wiser? I can't say I "hope" for another failed relationship in my life, but if I do, I think I would like to be the person who suddenly loses interest. In the past, I have been on the receiving end a few times now, and the inability to empathise with the other person's situation has made it difficult to come to grips with. I don't feel angry, but it's hard to shake away feelings of resentment and insecurity when logic doesn't explain things and the visceral empathy isn't there. Edited June 16, 2011 by thelovingkind
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 how long did this relationship last? I have never suddenly lost interest in someone but I'll give you my opinion of what happened. typically the "honeymoon" period of a relationship lasts for anywhere between 3 weeks and 3 months, sometimes longer or shorter but that is usually the time frame of the period. after the honeymoon period both parties start to really analyse their partner which determines whether they will stay in the relationship, and yes attraction is one of those things that we analyse so I am thinking that if this was a relatively short relationship that he realized he wasn't attracted to you like he was in the "honeymoon period" of the relationship. now if this was a longer relationship I don't think it is possible to lose attraction like that in such a short time. so he is either acting compulsively OR he has been questioning something about the relationship for a while and has just now come to realization that you are not the one for him. another question that comes to mind is who old are both of you? he might be getting a sense of GIGS and think he is missing out on something by staying in the relationship.
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