Kicked in the teeth Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Hi everyone. New on here. I just found out 2 days ago that my GF of 3.5 years slept with another guy when she went on holiday about a year and a half ago. Needless to say I kicked her out of the flat and thought it would be easy to end the whole thing, cut her loose and never see her again. Now that the initial anger has subsided my heads all over the place. I love her lots and she was the girl I wanted to spend my future with. I just cant see a way back for us though, the trust issue for starters, the humiliation etc. Also thanks to the wonders of Face Book so many people know what happened, not my doing, and Ive sinced culled a whole lot of 'friends'. Bloody ghouls the lot of them. Anyway, Im also worried that friends and family will think Im a mug IF and its a huge IF I at some point let her back in my life. I just dont know what to do, Im in bits and my heads swimming. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.
sassybetch Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 you did the right thing by dumping her! now stay with it, and you will find someone who doesnt do that to you. also, she did this ages ago and you find out now? what makes you so sure she hasnt done this before or will do again? i mean how can you be with someone knowing that they did that to you? how can you trust them? cut her loose for good and never look back
RIO5 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Once they cheat...they are out forever! I dont care how much they say they changed...tell them that's awesome and that they should take a chance on someone else...not with you. Every girl has one shot per guy. Once they blow it, its time to move on to someone new. Who knows what else she did behind your back...thats in the past. But if you did get back with her, the chances of her cheating on you again are very high. You should stay away from that and focus on someone who has high interest in you. You did a good job by walking away now you just have to keep it up!
nlpman Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 yeah its a difficult one. It was probably a lot to do with alcohol if she was on holiday. No one is perfect. Feeling hurt about being cheated on includes a wide range of issues including how secure and confident you are in yourself. Someone who was supremely confident could possibly think something like : glad she cheated, she probably feels stupid and guilty and has realized by doing it that she wouldnt ever do it again in case she loses me, she has probably learnt a good lesson I think I may give her another chance to be lucky enough to be with me!. You can remove the emotions of being hurt associated with the memory of the experience if you visit an NLP / Timeline therapy counsellor. Or have a look on you tube for ptsd nlp session and see how the professionals do mind magic. Steve Andreas has some impressive techniques that I have successfully used on myself and others to remove negative emotions from memories. Sometimes you can just close your eyes and listen to the youtube session as if you were the client receiving counselling. Richard Bandler is also worth a look as is Tad James. A 30 minute session can remove 90 % of your negative emotions regarding the cheating incident. Good Luck Once the painful emotions are gone you will be able to think more clearly about the whole thing.
Ultrasonic Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 The one thing you shouldn't care about when making this decision; is what your family and friends think. Don't let outside sources influence your final decision; only provide you with advise. Whether you want to take it or not is up to you. I'm now finding myself is a quite similar situation, except we had been dating for 4.5years; and I don't know if she specifically slept with the guy, but she's been cheating in other ways.......do an honesty check, I say. If she can come clean about everything she's done and maybe even explain her actions......then maybe. BTW, how did you find out? Did she tell you?
citrusdrop1688 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 How can you say one woman gets one chance per guy? I dont think thats true at all. You can think of 1000 things someone could do to hurt you that you think is unacceptable at the time and then later realize maybe if they have changed its something youd be willing to work on. I think it depends on the actions they show you. But only after youve really looked at if you love them enough to forgive them. You also both have to realize that while relationships are hard, getting back together is even harder. Is that something both of you would be willing to fight through and work out?
wilsonx Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 You will in your heart never trust an ex that cheated on you. I am the most forgiving person on the planet and I tried for the longest time to do so and its been over a year and by the end of our relationship, I trusted her even less. Its what you can actually live with. Dont allow yourself to be a doormat. I thought I could live with it, but I couldnt
Lemontang Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Take it from someone who's been through it. Don't take her back. I made the very mistake of taking a cheating ex back, only to have her cheating on me from the once, to multiple times with different people. Like WilsonX said Don't become that doormat. At the very least by holding your guns you'll keep your self respect. Don't get me wrong it's tough not letting someone you love back into your life again, but by them cheating it sends a clear message that they don't love you like you did them. Let them hopfully learn from that mistake that you can't always have your cake and eat it too and that some actions in life really are a deal breaker.
samspade Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Don't take her back. Every time you think about doing it, imagine her with someone else's huge cock deep inside her when she was on holiday. That should cinch it for you. Take yourself off Facebook for a while. That stuff will mess with your mind. At the very least delete her and your mutual friends. And relationships AREN'T hard. The best ones are easy. So you can "work through" your problems with her, or have fun with someone new. Don't buy into that "relationship are hard work" nonsense.
Fufu Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I hope you give yourself some time to read the article below. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/theres-no-such-thing-as-an-honest-cheat-and-other-thoughts-on-cheating/
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