smartblonde Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 My ex-H picks women that have problems. They either have financial problems, health issues, unemployed, etc...etc...etc. He seems drawn to these type and loves to take them in and take care of them. As an example, his current gf moved two hours to live with him, after only knowing him for 4 months...and she brought along her two kids! She was deep in debt, living in a small apartment, unable to get full-time work and had just gone thru a bitter divorce. His previous girlfriend was an alcoholic with an abusive ex and the one before that had just been dumped by her boyfriend, leaving her homeless with two kids. My question is, why do some men feel the need to be the hero? Is this how they feel loved?
Woggle Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 It's knight in shining armor complex and it is how a man can get burned really bad.
mr.dream merchant Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I don't know. They should be worried about saving their money. Can't do that chasing skirts....or romancing them either.
coffeeaddict Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 It comes from a desire to attach her to him and his life. If he's the knight in shining armor and she's the damsel in distress, then she's going to feel an obligation to her rescuer/savior and she'll be less likely to leave him (In his mind).
curiousme Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Its a self esteem thing. He has low self esteem. Look at it this way> if this guy were to date someone who was rich and healthy and had it all there is a better chance that she would leave him if he did something wrong. He doesnt feel needed. Maybe he wants to be in control, When he has more power over them he has more control. These women need him they will prob not go anywhere because without him then what do they do? It may give him an ego boost as well as if like you said hes the hero! Not all men are like this. I dont know any that are but ive heard of losers like this... and that is why he is your ex because you dont need him.
daphne Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Good question. My dad was that way. He couldn't pick a good woman to save his life. But he was also extremely controlling. In exchange, he put up with a grown baby and a lot of things no one on this board could possibly understand. Come to think of it, one guy I dated last year seemed to almost promote a feeling of helplessness when work was getting bad and I was stressed. I appreciated his warmth and encouragement, but it was almost like he needed me to be in the state of stress so he could make me feel better. He also turned out to be a bit controlling. Interesting. I wonder if there are any heros that aren't controlling?
Knittress Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 You can expect that chivalry to evaporate and passive-aggressive resentment to set in once the woman gets it together.
betterdeal Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 For me, it was the only male archetype promoted in popular culture that allowed men to express love and affection, to be a good man, and be masculine. Kill the bad guy and get the girl, right? It was the what to do next that was the problem. Just as Little Red Riding Hood needs a woodsman to rescue her, the essential other ingredient was a wolf. Neither wants to be the wolf, but both will play out the role at some point, especially if there's no third party available to take the role. Why? Because dealing with crisis is what we're practised at (both the men and the women involved in my experience). We don't crave drama; rather we are very good at dealing with it almost intuitively. Peaceful times are unusual to us. They feel weird. Uncomfortable even. People who are used to such a lifestyle need to get used to a less fearful, more happy lifestyle before they can settle down, and that goes for both sexes.
oaks Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 My question is, why do some men feel the need to be the hero? Because Bonnie Tyler is holding out for one.
mo mo Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 It's knight in shining armor complex and it is how a man can get burned really bad. Sometimes I wonder if I have this or if I'm just that bad at picking them. The last couple of girls I have dated (at least 5, maybe more) all had some kind of issues. 1 of them had health issues and a few of them had mental health issues. I wasn't exactly drawn to that, nor did I even know about it right away. I just eventually found out about these issues. I just kinda figured that instead of being a jerk and just dropping them, I will see if things could work somehow. They never do. The one with health issues started talking to me again recently but I reaaaaallly dunno if I should go there. She can be real bitchy, even when I don't provoke it. So yea.. I dunno if it's because I think I need to be the White Knight or if it's because I'm just that damn bad at picking them.
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