badanglefish Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I have been searching "what to do when he says it's over" it redirected me here and lots of advised i found it's so true over lots of comments i read.. so i guess i will definitely help if i share you guys my story and see from outside what i should do. please spend sometimes reading this. Me and him beautifully met 2 months ago. I was on my trip in France and missed my plan to meet up with my friend in paris before we continue to next town. I stuck in paris alone that night and in needed to find a floor to crash on. I wrote him on couchserfing, the travelers community ask to stay over for one night. and that how we started the story. We had wonderful conversation for whole night and somewhere near the late morning we turned and cuddle.. and that was my most beautiful morning in the last 2 years. He drop me at the train station in the afternoon and a whole way on there he holding my hand i had no reason i let him. after i was gone for an hour on the train he text me that something was wrong with him, he missed me and he hoped that i would missed my flight on the last day of my trip so he might got chance to see each other again. a week later i made it back to Paris and stay over with him. and we had beautiful evening together.. (no sex) he told me that he never felt this way toward anyone in the last 2 years. He knew that i was go away and he never believed in long distant relationship but apparently he felt for me and he ask if i could make it back to Paris again and ask if i wanted him to wait. and we agree to tried it out. After a week i came back he disappeared.. i called and texted him until i gave up and told him that i had to let go. then the day after i got an email and text from him explain that his grand was passing away, he was miserable and he needed time on his own he would come back when he felt ok to talk to anyone. After few days we were in contact again and we start talking on skype and on the phone. It's been a month that he didnt see each other and everything seemed to be ok. he waited for me and we nearly fell asleep together on the phone many times. until last 2 weeks i made it back to Paris and we spend the night together, everything was perfect and i came back home.. and went back again after 2 days and we had great night together again. I forgot to say im a cabin crew living in Middle east and i m flying to Paris every now and then. After the second time that i made it back, when i landed back home i didnt see any text or phone calls from him.. i started to freak out. I didnt hear anything from him like 2 whole days and nights. i tried to call and text him but there was no answer. Until the 3rd day i got an email from him sound really tough saying that what the hell i was doing, it was 40 miss called and those text asking him to say the true. why i became that insecure and why i always thought he didnt give a **** about me. he just forgot his phones. and said to me he couldnt handle it. I didnt stop it there, i wrote him very long email said how i felt and said i did a lot of effort to see him but i came home i didnt get anything from him..but that meant email. It'd been aweek after that and he didnt reply me anything until one day he said we were too different, too far and i needed too much attention, maybe it wouldn't work. Here i started to regret what i did and drama i created. So i started writing him i was sorry i exaggerated. i didnt knew he did have his phone and ask him to talk to me properly but it seemed too late. he reply saying maybe this long distant wouldnt work. it's too heavy for him when we didnt see each other often enough. and he put lot of effort against his personality to made this work but it never enough for me. he wanna ended it. I try and try to call him and sent him lots of email to ask him to think about it. not to say it;s over just yet. it was a mistake and i promised him it wouldnt happen again. I am not a person like that really. during those whole month that we didnt see each other we seemed to handle that very well but i didnt know i was freaking out that weekend. i asked him to give a chance to look at me again and start over. i never reply my text or my calls i try and try and write him everyday. and this is the email i got from him yesterday.. Hey you, As I told you, it's not gonna work. It have nothing to do with my feelings, and my respect toward you. I'm just this kind of person, very carefull, and very defensive. I've been hurt before because of stuff like that, and now my personal policy is : no second chance. If we try this again, everything will be changed, you will change, or I will, and this will inevitably result to a failure and pain. You were the way you were because this is who you really are, and I will not ask you to change. You need things I cant give you, and the fact that we had great time together doesn't change that fact. Yes we could see each other and you could come home...but what will it be? Great sex, great night and thats it? I was not with you for that. I can't be on the phone everyday and explain everything I do because we are far away. I just learned from this story that I'm no capable to be with someone so far, specially someone who need so much atention and care. I wish I could, but i can't. I'm sorry for all this but I'm honest with you and always have been. As for me not responding, I know you tried your best, and I think you are a great person, that deserve someone great too, but lately, the more you called, the less I wanted to answer. I always wanted to do so, but always later, later, and my life took over this, because it is painfull. I will not remember you as anoying, that's not the point, but I can't be with you like that, and I don't want you to change, I don't want to make you turn into the person I want. If it didn't worked, it is because it was not meant to. And I think if we see each other, I will be weak because I like you and you atract me so much...I won't be able to stand by my principle. Maybe I'm mean and an ******* but this is me, I'm not hiding, and I'm honest. Goodbye i spend a second and sent this back to him, i didnt say i would change..or asked you to change anything for me. i just say i m not that person that you said i was. i said that weekend was a mistake.. and i said i was sorry. i ask for a chance for you to look at me carefully that i was not the person like that. i wanted to show you what you were saying was wrong.. i have my life over here too, i am not that needy person i just ask you to give me a chance to show you!. last 2 weeks it was like this because i try to find the way to say this to you.. to listen to me for once! because i didnt want to lose you for something i didn't mean. if you want me in your life, you don't have to worried about whatever you were saying. The policy leads you to where? what is your feeling saying? this is not fair.. you feel so much and so do i... don't judge who i really am when you don't give a chance to learn. you said you learnt from that, but i would say you assumed me easily that. i came across your line i knew.. no one could be perfect to each other from their own raw material.... it's nothing to do with changing each other for one another. It's about learning and getting to know each and i now know about you. i stil believe and apparently i feel you stil there so i don't give up..Before i let go of someone that i found really special and precious, i wanna make sure i didnt do the mistake and judge him shallowly.. i didnt want to regret it. don't be mad at me please... what painful more is not the failure that hasn't come yet... but it's to know that how you feel to each other and you to scare to take it.. It's not thing to do with trying or second chance... it's all about can you take it easy and let go. see what you and me going to bring to each other. clear the air and see what would bring. I understand everything you say.. i stil want to see you and am not at all agree with what you said. it doesnt need to end up with sex.. i don't want you just for that. i don't wanna lose the great person i difficultly meet. It could be relax afternoon and talk about things. it could be friendship like you could give to other people or it could be realized that what we have been acting toward the small thing that happened was exaggeration. It doesn't need to be painful . Please Give it a try before you assume it... please fabien I m stil here... i dont know how to soften your heart.. i only beg and beg... don't turn your back on me when you don't know yet what it is... I will be there on 18th, not becasue i am stubborn but becasue i believe we can end up better than to kick each other away when you have all of great feeling toward each other. i won't call anymore. but please know i m waiting to hear from you.. whenever you feel like talking to me.. you know it that i always gonig to be in paris... don't say distance.. i will thank god so much .. if you can relax and forget about this stuff and say hi to me like you do to your other friends, like small message we used to catch up whenever you feel like you miss me. i don't see the reason why cant we talk. you can keep on your offensiveness and carefullness but please don't kick me out. take it easy and come back... as a friend or no matter as what. and the most important thing is that I don't take your goodbye.. i promise you if you talk to me once you will be surpised how easily the air is clear and be friends again please ? and also this one this morning, good morning )) I just wanted to say Hi before i go to work. how r you feeling today? I read your email again and again last night.. i am actually glad to hear how you really feel and get up happily than any other morning in the last 2 weeks.. To disappear is very easy but is the last thing i would do.. the feeling still here and there and i don't want to force it, i hope you won't either. I could not fix whatever done.. it happened because i didn't know you. I thought you wouldn't have minded.. I didn't think before i did, i learnt from this too and it's now my great lesson. There's a lot about me you haven't seen... and there's a lot that i want to do for you and with you. I can only promise that we can be happy if you choose to let go and leave it behind. Please don't say goodbye when it doesn't have chance to start yet I am sure if i was in front of you now, we can only going to smile, and all of this cloud will surprisingly disappear only thing i need is " chance". I like you a lot and to be around you i am so happy, i believe you feel the same. I can be just friend it's good enough, a lot better not knowing you anymore. Here is the song for today, i don't know if it's blue but i guess you know better than me. it's the song that i told you one night that similar to one of your song. The song says " life by the drop" i guess it means Life is short, we never know what tomorrow brings... take today as it comes and make the most when it's still beautiful. The principle is for a reason but not for everything in life.. i hope you would like it, it's very positive Have a good day, and like everyday i say, i miss you and forget me not xoxoxooxxox i don't know if ther would be anyone read it until here i know it's long, but i just wanna give full picture about what happening. we actually get along really well and i feel connection. i just didnt want to beleive just one mistake it would end a whole thing this way. what should i do now, i will be gonig to paris again the end of this month and actually in couple of days i had a planed to go there on my day off.. i really bleeive if i got a chnace to see him everything will be ok.. what do you guys think? help me out pls...
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Stop stalking him, give up, and quit pursuing him. if I was him, I would be mighty irritated by your persistence, and I'd just hit 'delete'. Just cut it out, and accept it's over. He has said as much. He left no opening for doubt, he is serious. Leave him alone, and go No Contact. Put this down to experience, because you come across as needy and desperate. sorry, but that's what I really believe you MUST do.
Author badanglefish Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 i tried this much becos i think i was wrong. he more he ignored me so i kept on trying and trying ;( i regret it. i know even myself wanna puke on what i wrote. i just see no way to explain because i m far.. so i made it worse ;(
Fedor Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 He was honest with you and gave the situation closure. Close the chapter on this part of your life.
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Yup. You see how you came across? To you it seemed romantic and committal. To him, he's thinking "For goodness' sake, just take no for an answer, get the message and leave me alone!" It's possible he's ignoring you. It's also possible he's blocked you and can't even read your mail. He may not even know he's received it. For the sake of your sanity, I really hope that's the case, because if he replies, he will just pull you back in, and give you Hope. Hope was the last thing left in Pandora's Box. but it was a box full of all the Evils in the world. What was Hope doing in there? Hope can seem wonderful, optimistic and potentially fulfilling, but in fact it is an Evil because it raises us up, and then dashes us on the rocks.... More often than not.... Go No Contact, and stay No Contact, at all costs. Whatever you do, resist either getting in touch with him again - or responding to him, if he contacts you - ever again. Ever.
Author badanglefish Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 taramaden, thank you for your advise. to be honest, this is the first time in my last 2 weeks that i felt like someone slapping my face and i completely woke up.. what happened between me and him was too amazing to believe that 40 miscalls from "his girfriend" when we wasnt reachable turned things this way. because of his personality that very independent, i thought he might have needed time to think, i thought i might show him my honesty and could soften the situation.... but i was wrong! the word you said you me like a mirror, i never seen myself in this way.. it's strong enough to stop me. so not only i have no hope having him back, also i value myself too low toward him too ;(
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