WhisperinnWinds Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 What's the biggest mistake you feel your partner has made in your relationship - or what's one incident that stands out to you as a time when he or she could have done better? Did they listen while a parent criticized you, but didn't defend you? Were you insulted with an off-handed comment? Every then and again, I still think of this event for one because it was so shocking - and two, because he didn't say anything: Almost 2 years ago, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. I'm an overweight woman - at times I've certainly porked out more than at other times. I was nearing college graduation and with all of the stress, I had become very depressed and lethargic. I packed on a lot of weight. The waitress came and asked what we wanted to eat. It was an Italian place, and they had individual pizzas - so we each ordered one. The waitress was cordial to us. Then she asked, "Would you like any sides? Any salads?" We both said no. She gave his arm - and then mine - an affectionate touch and said, "Well, he doesn't need it. But you, dear..." and walked away from our table. If you're overweight - and really, I was more than just a few pounds overweight (not rolls of fat, but clearly not thin) - these comments tend to catch you off-guard and they always hurt. I think I was more hurt by the fact that this happened in front of my significant other and that it had happened in a public place, where other people were sitting. Some glanced in our direction after she said it and quickly looked away. I guess my automatic reaction at the time was to stare down at our place-mat and try to collect what I should do. Our drinks were already there. In retrospect, we should have put down the cash for the drinks and walked out. I didn't want to uproot the night or make a scene, and I didn't want to make him angry by standing up and heading out over something that seemed minor. I guess that's my automatic response - to just try and avoid conflict as much as possible. My boyfriend is much different than I am. When we first started dating, he had no problem telling people exactly what he thought about every little thing. He was much more assertive and aggressive than me in that regard...which is why his reaction made no sense and upset me so much. It always bothered me that my boyfriend didn't take any initiative in the situation - that he didn't ask for a manager, that he didn't suggest we leave, or that he didn't call a manager afterward. In the same situation, I would have. I wouldn't be sitting there passively after someone insulted my boyfriend (in fact, I have defended him before). It bothered me that he left a tip for her, too (I didn't realize). He explained afterward that he hadn't thought about it, or he wouldn't have tipped her. I ended up calling a manager the next day to complain. Apparently the waitress had a VERY smart mouth, because several customers had complained about her. Less than six months later, the restaurant closed down. It was bought out by another company. I always joked afterward that it was because the waitress called me fat - I put her out of a job. Did anyone have a similar experience that left them scratching their heads? When I shared this experience with some other family members, friends, etc., they asked, "And HE didn't say ANYTHING?" His reputation precedes him.
utterer of lies Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 your Significant Other's biggest blunder? Causing more than 650$ in property damage in my flat because she was angry at me. I should have learned something that day.
Rinnix Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I would have called the waitress out then and there. I would have also called out for the manager on the spot. I wouldn't care if I made a scene. That's just plain rude and unprofessional. If my boyfriend were writing here, he'd likely complain that I've made a few scenes. (Only when disrespected by randoms of course.)
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