beatricemoonbeam Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I'm sorry your going through such a tough time. Its very difficult when your are blindsided and don't quite know what happened. A trick I learned to help with NC was to mark the days off the calandar with big x's. In a book I read was told NC for 60 days and to mark the time off. Not sure if the reasoning was the same or not but I found after 4 weeks, I'd stopped marking the days off and counting hr by hr. Look at it this way, what your doing now isn't working, its only irratating him and making him think negative thoughts when he thinks of your or you contact him. Can't promise it wil work but its human nature to want what we can't have so if you don't contact him and essentially drop off the face of the earth he will wonder. Good luck to you and sending big hugs.
sleepykitten Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Hi RN2011 I totally feel your anguish, my bf told me it was over during a row we were having, he had been different and complacent for months and just kept saying he loved me wanted it to work he was sorry etc, then suddenly "this is over". we saw each other twice more both times ended up in bed. Me totally thinking wondering why he could seem so In love and sad and saying he missed me to 1 week later, still saying "its the right thing to do, we changed we were both unhappy" Afer several hyterical evenings and trying to ask him if there was a future for us one day etc etc trying to cling on to one shread of hope-the reality being this is what i had been doing for the past 8 months of our 2 yrs together-I realised this attachment, pattern of behaviour was never going to end. I emialed him a long mail basically saying no contact for the forseeable future, and i was able to let him go, it was really cathartic for me to write, it wasnt a "blame" e mail or in anyway to get him to come back, it was for me to start healing and understand i cant control him, cant get any answers to why he changed, and also before we split i wanted to end it as he started off so perfect it was a wonderful romantic relationship, which just had a very short shelf life. After the initial sending of the mail i felt good, then the next day i felt awful, wanted to call him this morning in fact, but i resisted as what good will it do and i know i am only wanting contact because i am hurting and that hurt is more to do with the issues of past abandonment/co dependence/fear, and i need to address those before i can ever have a relationship with anyone else. Its so hard, i know, i am there too, but through those dark days you will find such strength and courage, and if you can do it it will make you feel amazing. Good luck xx
Author RN2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Hi everyone....been awhile since I updated. Well.....I broke NC like I said and I have been struggling ever since. I feel like he and the relationship consume my every thought throughout the day. I just got back from Cancun, and while laying on the beach all I could think about was him. All I want right now is for that to go away already. I mean I know that he isn't thinking about me as much as I am thinking about him. At this point I feel like I need answers to why he all of sudden thought we weren't right for each other. But I don't know if I will ever get them at this point. All of this is so rough!!! I just want to get through this!!
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