filledwithregret Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 WOW, this is really embarassing but I need to get some feed back please. I have been married to my husband for a month & a half, we went to a party and we all had a lot to drink, I was pretty drunk and uuummmmm how do i say this, it started as joking and wound up as a threesome with my husband and his bf. Well I was in shock but I was going with it and the next thing I know is my husband leaves and it just myself and the other guy. My husband didn't say anything, I didn't say anything and my husbands bf didn't say anything we just continued. After a few minutes we stopped, got out of the water and onto a 4wheeler continuing with the sex. Now I have never been the type to get into kinky situations but I was into this because I thought it would make my husband happy, I thought that it was what he wanted and being with him has made me a little more open to try new things. Now he says I cheated on him with his bf and I find out the bf was testing me to see if I would cheat on my husband. I would have never gone out looking to cheat on my husband, I love him with my whole heart and now he will not have anything to do with me. I am filled with so much regret, embarrasment, I'm disgusted with myself, ashamed, guilty that I let this happen. I'm angry that he didn't stop his bf. I'm angry that I didn't stop it myself. Did I cheat? Why did he let his bf do that? Is this fixable or should I call it quits and leave?
denise_xo Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 When you say 'wound up as a threesome', does that mean your husband was part of initiating it? IMO it's not cheating if your H was willingly initiating/furthering the situation with all three of you present. From your account, it kind of sounds like he got into it, then had second thoughts and couldn't deal with it, and now wants to blame you.
Author filledwithregret Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 He helped initiate it and then left, I say left but he was still where he could kind of see and hear. I didn't find out til later that he didn't want that and it was not his idea. The thing he is mad about was when we stopped in the water and continued on the 4wheeler.
denise_xo Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 He helped initiate it and then left, I say left but he was still where he could kind of see and hear. I didn't find out til later that he didn't want that and it was not his idea. The thing he is mad about was when we stopped in the water and continued on the 4wheeler. In which case, rather than cheating, I think this is a case of a drunken situation gone out of control. Whether it's fixable is up to you both. You can't fix it on your own. Is he willing to give some effort to try to restore your relationship? Is he willing to consider MC?
kinghippo Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 After a few minutes we stopped, got out of the water and onto a 4wheeler continuing with the sex. Got out of the water and in to a 4 wheeler? Were you in a pool and went to a car?
Author filledwithregret Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 we were in a stock tank and moved to a 4wheeler.
creighton0123 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I think everything you're experiencing is social conditioning that even occasional open relationships are taboo. I'd suggest reading a little Dan Savage. He's a great sex advice columnist. When it comes to the two of you - you did nothing wrong. Perhaps you feel guilty because society teaches everyone that anything other than 100% monogamous relationship is akin to burning in hell or being a horrible partner? You got drunk. You had fun. Next time, get out of the pool and bring your husband into the truck. Hell, if the mood strikes you right, include one of your girl friends and play a little dominatrix. Dote on him a little while. Have an open talk about where you want to draw lines with other people. Don't assume monogamy. Agree on what lines you two want drawn in the sand and stick to them.
azsinglegal Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 As soon as he left the room, you should've stopped and followed him. Continuing with his friend was a mistake. I've been in this situation and as soon as he walked away from the scenario I knew something was wrong and went after him. Even if he was OK with it at the beginning, doesn't mean it was ok to continue. Sorry...but continuing with the friend and your husband not there was a bad choice. Not sure if it's repairable or not, only time will tell. Give him space and time. Sometimes, this is all a situation takes to be fixed.
Recommended Posts