darran Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 So, It's been 8 months... I have made all the mistakes in the book. Have gave up a few weeks back. Absolute zero contact on my end. And basically moving on and actually feeling fine and dandy. Anyway, about 1.5 months ago I was out and bumped into my EX's BEST friend... we got chatting and what not and again met up for a chat outside of clubbing hours). She then started telling me this new guy (who she is still with and ran off with during our manic stages of the breakup) treats my EX horrendously. Basically putting her down, emotionally bullying her, shouting at her mates (specifically the one I met) and now she is alone with this guy doing nothing else but drinking. All her mate have turned their back on her excluding this one particular friend. So as time goes on and we keep in touch I hear more and more things that say "my ex bounced into something so quick that she literally has resumed what we had (over two years living together) with a guy who is a d**k to her and all her friends." I had lost all interest in pursuing her until I met this friend of hers. She told me "**** I am going to speak with <ex> and try and knock a bit of sense into her because I knew when you both were together she never took the **** she's taking from him from YOU. I know now after stepping back and looking at my friend she is worse off after ending it with you and I know you guys had yer problems but I've met you, got to know you after you broke up and I see you are a MUCH better man for her." So she had a chat... It started pretty crazy, <ex> went off on one (clearly still upset by my stupid breakup episodes) but then she started to ask all sorts of questions about me... how I am, am I seeing someone, how do I look... has he changed etc etc... then she started analyzing her relationship with this new guy... "well <me> didnt do that but <newguy> does" that kind of thing. She said it was expected the kind of reaction but she clearly saw she still cares a lot for me. She plans on meeting her again and making this conversation a bit more harsher. She will tell her the guy she is with is CLEARLY no good for her at all... and have I (me that is) been in touch. I haven't and she knows that. He idea is to try and help her best friend compare what she has now with new guy to what she had with me... and also tell her that she wont be in her life while she is with this guy. But she will be there for her when she is no longer with this guy. She is going to try and convince <ex> to try and talk with me again and honestly ask herself if she sees a long term future with this new guy and would it be worth the risk to try with me again. I have ZERO input, in fact I said maybe tone the stuff down about me and just subtly mention good and bad points. But try keep me out of it. I don't want anything to do with this. But yea... I had no idea I have two of my ex's BEST friends wanting my EX to make up with me and get rid of this new guy because ALL of her friends dislike him and see he is no good for her. Has anyone experience with this... I am taking no part in anything and really, I would love another chance... just as I have been moving on I can and will continue to but yea... wtf??? Advice please? These are close friends and my ex does listen to them.
WTRanger Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 The ex's problems are their problems. If the ex won't listen, there's nothing you can do. It's not your problem, not your concern, none of your business. The friend trying to put you and the ex together won't work either. The more they push, the more the ex will cling to her new man in sheer defiance. My advice, don't be a part of this. Move on to something less drama filled and complicated. I have ZERO input, in fact I said maybe tone the stuff down about me and just subtly mention good and bad points. But try keep me out of it. I don't want anything to do with this. If you don't want any part, you shouldn't be asking to be mentioned. Even subtly. That just means you want to be a part of it. If you really want no part, you are not mentioned at all. Not a peep. Not a whisper. Nothing.
Author darran Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Thats what I'm doing, taking no part of it! Whatever her and her mates have to say its between them. But the guy is a complete tosser to her. I think they are just concerned and, well to be honest, want me and my ex together and working it out... ....I cant stop them doing what they want and clearly are doing! But yea... I know for me NC is the only way forward. Thanks dude, just clarified my feelings exactly The ex's problems are their problems. If the ex won't listen, there's nothing you can do. It's not your problem, not your concern, none of your business. The friend trying to put you and the ex together won't work either. The more they push, the more the ex will cling to her new man in sheer defiance. My advice, don't be a part of this. Move on to something less drama filled and complicated. If you don't want any part, you shouldn't be asking to be mentioned. Even subtly. That just means you want to be a part of it. If you really want no part, you are not mentioned at all. Not a peep. Not a whisper. Nothing.
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