quietGuy13 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Everytime i ihear or read about what women like, it says that they like a guy who is fun and outgoing and who has good friends. I've also heard about how "you know someone by the people he hangs out with" and stuff like that. I don't have friends I'm a loner and i'm not outgoing/party person. I've read/heard Women care about a man's status. I have no status since i don't even have friends OR nothing. Is that why Women would find me unattractive even if they found me attractive physically? or even if they knew i was a nice kind person? Just because i don't have friends, they would not like me? Moreover, it's kinda rare that people do't have friends. But this is my case. i don't have friends. And women, especially the ones that are not loners like me( Which means most women, since most women are not loners), think loners/friendless people are stupid or whatever.
oaks Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I wonder if threads like this end quicker if we just say "yes, we agree". Seriously. Put down the keyboard and go and meet some people. You might make a friend.
SmileFace Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Yes, being a loner may or may not make you less attractive to some women, sometimes.
carhill Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 When one has a well-rounded life, including friends, family, work and a few passions, attractiveness to the opposite sex becomes a part of that life. There will always be many who don't add to that part simply because they don't find one attractive; others who do. Within the context of a wider, healthier life, it attains its proper position and perspective. Work on being a good friend first; making and maintaining healthy male friendships. One step at a time. TBH, whenever *any* person, no matter gender, tells me they have no friends, a red flag goes up. Even people who are comfortable living alone enjoy and can achieve healthy friendships. It's a function of desire to bond with other humans as well as the learned social skills to do so. Never too late for either. Good luck.
ProjekctionMan Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Dude, seriously? What? Party girls prefer party guys. If you're not a party guy, then you need to look for a good bookworm nerdy girl who will appreciate your quiet side. I don't understand how you can connect incel to a lack of friendship or party life?
SmileFace Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 what a dumb response. girls want partiers. if you have a bunch of nerdy friends that wont cut it. :eek: Cut what? What is it?
Intergalactic Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 why don't you have friends? do you want to have friends or do you want to be a loner? i wouldn't date a guy with no friends - especially if it's because they choose to have no friends (i find that pretty strange). i'm a very social and independent person and i'd want someone i'm with to be very sociable and interact well with my family, friends, peers etc. this is important to me. i also feel that if my partner had no friends then they'd always want to be with ME and that would definitely not work for me - i want my own space and time to be with other people. slightly off topic but related! : if you want friends but are finding it hard to make them, try talking to a counsellor or getting tips on the internet on how to be sociable. or have a few drinks and loosen up a little. make an effort to go to as many social activities as you can and talk to people. start conversations with as many people as possible during the day. you may not make a proper friend out of it but it will build your confidence with talking to people and eventually you'll make friends.
Rinnix Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I'm not attracted to men who are in the party scene. I also am not a partier, and at this point, I don't have many friends. I have a few but I rarely see them, and others drifted away. If this makes me undateable or unappealing too, so be it. I have no issues dating a guy who is in the same boat as me.
Intergalactic Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 sure you are social and independent. every girl on the planet says that. nah, i just watched this show on nat geo called "meet the amish". those girls said they weren't independent, although they are social with their families. they're on this planet.
Author quietGuy13 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 i wouldn't date a guy with no friends - especially if it's because they choose to have no friends (i find that pretty strange). i'm a very social and independent person and i'd want someone i'm with to be very sociable and interact well with my family, friends, peers etc. this is important to me. i also feel that if my partner had no friends then they'd always want to be with ME and that would definitely not work for me - i want my own space and time to be with other people. Yeah. thanks for your answer. Most women think this way, so you just proved my point.
SmileFace Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Everytime i ihear or read about what women like, it says that they like a guy who is fun and outgoing and who has good friends. I've also heard about how "you know someone by the people he hangs out with" and stuff like that. I don't have friends I'm a loner and i'm not outgoing/party person. I've read/heard Women care about a man's status. I have no status since i don't even have friends OR nothing. Is that why Women would find me unattractive even if they found me attractive physically? or even if they knew i was a nice kind person? Just because i don't have friends, they would not like me? Moreover, it's kinda rare that people do't have friends. But this is my case. i don't have friends. And women, especially the ones that are not loners like me( Which means most women, since most women are not loners), think loners/friendless people are stupid or whatever. Do you have a problem not having friends? Do you think you social life is carrying over to your luck with chicks? Are you insecure about not being as social? So, change it. Being a loner is your choice. However, I would say not being a loner may or may not help. Yes, that isn't a good answer but it depends on you.
alethean Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 why don't you have friends? do you want to have friends or do you want to be a loner? i wouldn't date a guy with no friends - especially if it's because they choose to have no friends (i find that pretty strange). i'm a very social and independent person and i'd want someone i'm with to be very sociable and interact well with my family, friends, peers etc. this is important to me. i also feel that if my partner had no friends then they'd always want to be with ME and that would definitely not work for me - i want my own space and time to be with other people. slightly off topic but related! : if you want friends but are finding it hard to make them, try talking to a counsellor or getting tips on the internet on how to be sociable. or have a few drinks and loosen up a little. make an effort to go to as many social activities as you can and talk to people. start conversations with as many people as possible during the day. you may not make a proper friend out of it but it will build your confidence with talking to people and eventually you'll make friends. Yeah. thanks for your answer. Most women think this way, so you just proved my point. Yes...because if you choose not to have friends, why would you even want to date? Both are social activities. Now I understand having few friends, one friend, or not being very social (I'm pretty socially awkward myself), but no friends? Ehhh no, sorry. That said, I don't think loners are stupid or whatever, like you'd said in your original post.
counterman Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 No, it doesn't make you unattractive but maybe you should work on getting friends. Say you do meet a girl who finds you attractive and you end up dating. What? Are you just going to hang out with only her? You need friends and its totally up to you how you go about it.
Author quietGuy13 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 No, it doesn't make you unattractive but maybe you should work on getting friends. Say you do meet a girl who finds you attractive and you end up dating. What? Are you just going to hang out with only her? You need friends and its totally up to you how you go about it. Well i hang out with her and other days i hang out with myself( In my room doing hobbies) . That's bad?
USCGAviator Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Quiet guy it has nothing to do with what kind of man you are. Take me for example. I live in a tourist town. Most of the people I work with are either married, young party boys or live at least 15+ min from me. I'm 30 divorced and I don't really fit in either group. Of course we get together for cookouts and such but most of my off time is spent alone....or with women. How? I ride the bike trail 4 to 5 days a week and kayak at least twice a week. I work out at my house and I have no problem going to the beach by myself or one of the many townie bars (on a rare occasion). Even alone you can score well with the ladies. Moral of the story: Take all your self pity time, and turn it into self improvement time.
Cee Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Well i hang out with her and other days i hang out with myself( In my room doing hobbies) . That's bad? I have strong loner tendencies, but being completely alone seems too desolate. I have found a balance. I go on a solo vacation once a year and I usually spend 1-2 nights a week completely on my own. Also, I have solo hobbies like running and art. I used to have few friends with my (ex) boyfriend as my best friend. But I felt like I had to live in his world with his friends and I had no sense of self. Now, I have my own friends and it feels so much better. I have more to share with my new BF. And he admires my independence and my full life. In all of your threads, you talk of cute girls and how to connect with them. I suggest you make some casual acquaintances with men and see how that goes. You might like having a friend or two. It's not easy to make friends, but not as hard as you may think. It simply takes time, patience, and being available for a beer or a movie.
Star Gazer Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I am not a party girl, but I am definitely very social. I cannot fathom myself being attracted to even the most physically attractive man, if he had absolutely no friends.
hamztruly Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Everytime i ihear or read about what women like, it says that they like a guy who is fun and outgoing and who has good friends. I've also heard about how "you know someone by the people he hangs out with" and stuff like that. I don't have friends I'm a loner and i'm not outgoing/party person. I've read/heard Women care about a man's status. I have no status since i don't even have friends OR nothing. Is that why Women would find me unattractive even if they found me attractive physically? or even if they knew i was a nice kind person? Just because i don't have friends, they would not like me? Moreover, it's kinda rare that people do't have friends. But this is my case. i don't have friends. And women, especially the ones that are not loners like me( Which means most women, since most women are not loners), think loners/friendless people are stupid or whatever. ARGGHHHHH!! This is like my bf... well ex now. I had to dump him. I use to consider myself a loner until i met this guy. zero friends, if he was in a room with someone else, you could hear the pin drop so loud. He doesn't talk. WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THAT?? Seriously, guys like you could drive a woman mental. I would never date a guy like that ever again and I am not a party person at all!! Imagine if i was!
Knittress Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I didn't mind that my ex had no friends... at first. But then he started getting insecure and passive aggressive when I started trying to have a (modest) social life. I'm not exactly a party girl (ok, well, sometimes...) but I would HATE how I couldn't take him anywhere without him sulking/being awkward/making an ass of himself. I don't need Mr. Charisma, but nowadays I'm looking for someone that adds to my life instead of subtracts from it.
hamztruly Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I didn't mind that my ex had no friends... at first. But then he started getting insecure and passive aggressive when I started trying to have a (modest) social life. I'm not exactly a party girl (ok, well, sometimes...) but I would HATE how I couldn't take him anywhere without him sulking/being awkward/making an ass of himself. I don't need Mr. Charisma, but nowadays I'm looking for someone that adds to my life instead of subtracts from it. LOL I think my ex was the worst case you could ever get... we went out clubbing once (first and last time we ever went to the club) and this boy just stood in one spot the whole night, we had to leave early. I didn't mind how he was at first, but then it all just got too much. He had no friends, we had nothing to talk about ( I initiated most of the conversation), he never opened doors when we go out, he doesn't do PDA, never phoned me (and I was with him for over a year) because he doesn't like talking on the phone, he didn't get along with ANYBODY, he would come to my house and not even talk or try make a conversation with my family.. it was just a complete disaster. This has taught me to have higher standards. I should never have gone on a second date with him when literally on the first date he said about 5 words! so I blame myself really and don't think anyone should pity me either. But yea he was really attractive. But right now if i met the hottest guy, as soon as i sense he might be an introvert, i will take off my shoes and run as fast as my tiny legs can carry me!
Eeyore79 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 TBH, whenever *any* person, no matter gender, tells me they have no friends, a red flag goes up. Even people who are comfortable living alone enjoy and can achieve healthy friendships. It's a function of desire to bond with other humans as well as the learned social skills to do so. I don't much have the desire to bond with other humans; I find a lot of them pretty uninteresting, not to mention that I find social interaction difficult and I therefore feel uncomfortable in company. I have a number of acquaintances who I've met through hobbies; I have a nice conversation with these people and we occasionally go for a drink after our evening class, but they aren't what I'd call "friends" - I couldn't call them if I needed help, and wouldn't tell them my problems etc. I don't even know exactly where they live or what their phone numbers are. I guess I'd like the close type of friend, but would have no idea how to go about finding such a person.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 To the OP. Yes your lack of social connectedness will make you un attractive to women even inspite of your looks. Young women in particular. The reason is that for young women, under 25, what their friends, family, and strangers on the street think of their man matters more than anything. I have seen, heard, and been part of the conversations. Where a young woman would come in all excited about a new man they met. Only to leave the conversation feeling the opposite becuse one of their friends did not like something about the guy. When you get older the women will know what they want, and have a more mature outlook on things. People start to pick partners who are easy to live with, not ones who are just flashy to go out with.
Ouroboros Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Sociable people won't understand those who don't care to be as social, they won't try to comprehend people who are unlike themselves unless it is in a derogatory prejudicial manner, and will see themselves as superior for no other reason. Expect only ridicule from them.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Anti social people can do the same thing. They just don't talk to other people about it.
Ouroboros Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Anti social people can do the same thing. They just don't talk to other people about it. How can you know if they don't talk? You can't.
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