LittleMonkey Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Guys I really want you to think about the situation before you answer and not just put in an off the top of the head comment about the usual things to do. Okay here's the story in short (long version here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t279074/) 4.5 years together, some fights along the way, fallen into a routine, had a stupid fight, she dumped me 1.5 years ago, used NC and she contacted me and we started seeing each other again eventually to go back together (maybe too fast, it was hard to contain my eagerness) May 13th: A stupid fight on Skype+chat+phone that I initiated that really went out of hands. (she cried and I didn't see why, I'm such an *******) didn't want to talk to me so I waited for the next day. May 14th: Another fight on the phone following a sad event, again initiated by me, with really no intention... on a different subject. Again I believe I made her cry... I feel the worst for this, maybe if I hadn't done this all of this hell wouldn't happen... May 15th: Managed to get a hold of her on FB, then later on the phone, tried to move past the arguments, say that I didn't mean to hurt... she acted distant/indifferent to me, didn't say anything about breakup, said she 'didn't know yet' when she'd come over when I asked. May 16th-18th: Didn't answer my calls May 19th: Came to her to say I'm sorry and to reconcile, to discover that I've been dumped, tried to show strength and not weep, was still in denial, told her at the end when I left that I loved her but won't be waiting (although I am), came home and out of sheer idiocy, changed my status to single (previously blank) and hidden her from chat. NC (in denial, waiting for her to call...) About May 30th: She changes her relationship status to single, when people comment she appears sad by that. Maybe I should have done something then? break NC? June 7th: She dates some guy at the Zoo, not sure if they met before that.. June 9th: She uploads pics of them together at the zoo, changes her profile pic to them together, announces that she loves him and that that was the best day of her life. June 11th: Changes her relationship status Current Day June 19th: Month of NC, thought at first about calling at this time(as all say to wait 30 days) but with her on relationship with the other guy it's probably not a good idea just now) July 7th: Maybe a month with the other guy.. July 23rd: Her birthday, more than 2 months of NC if she won't contact me by then. I'm so afraid she's so mad at me and hates me that she would never call... I feel I had so many chances to fix this but I blew them all. I'm afraid that maybe NC caused her to resent me, or to not call because she thinks I hate her.. I've hidden her from chat... where we used to talk alot, maybe she takes offense? I thought about reopening it, but what if she doesn't say anything? Seeing her pop in chat... maybe she thinks that I'm deliberately hiding her because I'm angry/hate her...? maybe she wanted to call or say something after a while but with all the lines of communication closed by me (except for the phone) it sent the wrong impression? Now for the Plan: What I was thinking is if she won't contact me until her birthday, I'll call her then to wish her a happy birthday, and casually try to set a meeting. If she'll meet me then I want to give her a special birthday present (more on this later). If she won't answer/want to meet, then I thought about going to her grandparents (we used to have dinners at their place whenever I was at her place, really nice people, I hope they remember me kindly) and give them all the stuff she left at my place (clothes and shoes etc.). I also want to put the present there for her to pick up. Now for the present... I'm not talking about flowers, chocolate, or anything like that. I thought about creating something that was kind of an inside joke for both of us, something that only we'll understand. It was a 'theoretical' cute and funny thing (not something about the two of us together or plans we had etc. actually) that I'm thinking of making for real. I wanted to add a happy birthday note to that and maybe add an "here's for good old times" or something along those lines. I really hope/believe that if she has anything at all in her heart for me she'll find that gift as very special and maybe that would move something in her, and maybe that will be the way to reconciliation. Again I ask please consider the entire picture and not just comment automatically. Many thanks!
wilsonx Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Dont call... stop making plans... Im still obsessing about my ex and you know what it doesnt matter what shes doing because she is winning. If you want to win at this game. Stay NC dont text her call her email her facebook her (BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK JUST DO IT)... Move on with your life, make yourself a better person for someone that wants you and would never do this to you. I need to heed my own advice as I have been NC for < a day because of apartment lease but everytime I email her to get her off the lease I start off at ground zero. She texted me 3 times last night and it was miserable and I did not respond It ****ing sucks
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Why are you going to call and give a birthday present to a women that dumped you and is now in a relationship with someone new? What you will be communicating to her is the following: 1. Your were absolutely right in dumping me. 2. That you are okay and even blessing her, the new BF and their relationship. 3. That you have no self-respect or dignity. 4. You are a pathetic loser. 5. Etc. Is this the message you want to communicate? All you are going to do is put a bad taste in her mouth, push her away further and make the new guy look a hell of a lot better than you. Why do you think she would contact you on her birthday in the first place? She is going to be spending that day with her new man. LittleMonkey... I know you are sad and hurt... but you need to let it go, it's over. There is NOTHING you can do to make someone want to be with you, so stop trying. If you follow through with your plan... it is going to blow up in your face, you are going to be devastated, she will think you are a complete psycho, you are going to make the new guy look 1000 times better and you are going to have serious regrets on top of the hurt and pain you feel due to the break up. The thing is, her new relationship which started so soon after the breakup may be a rebound (it shows signs of it anyway), which may be short lived... If I contacted her and she doesn't hate me so bad, she may want my company, and as the relationship with the new guy dwindles, maybe she'll return... That's the last shred of hope I'm holding on to.
Timbo22 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I sure do feel your pain, but you can't contact her because it will only push her away. Trust me, I'm in a very similar circumstance as you right now and I did all the wrongs things to try and get her back. Don't let your emotions get to you. I know it is hard, I was with my ex for 3 1/2 yrs and I never saw it coming, 4 months later shes dating a new guy almost like I didn't exist. She also strung me along during those 4 months, wanting me to be there, meeting drunk after a party kissing and hugging only for her to text the next day saying she was drunk and didn't mean anything by it... I'm just telling you, from my own experience. You have to cut lose and go complete NC and drop off the face of the earth. I made a huge mistake by trying to be her friend and keep in contact with her.
darran Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 agree with above advice...if she is with someone else... dont give her anything... it prolongs it... feeds her ego and makes you out to be a fool. I did exactly the same. Dont do anything. NC... if you're lucky enough you might have other people do your work for you including NEW GUY!!!! with you outta picture and their rel becoming normal (arguments etc) then chances are it'll end and you'll be called... ....I think
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 agree with above advice...if she is with someone else... dont give her anything... it prolongs it... feeds her ego and makes you out to be a fool. I did exactly the same. Dont do anything. NC... if you're lucky enough you might have other people do your work for you including NEW GUY!!!! with you outta picture and their rel becoming normal (arguments etc) then chances are it'll end and you'll be called... ....I think Right now I'm on NC as I said. The thing is, she's pretty stubborn, and I'm afraid if it won't work between them then she won't call even then. I thought about waiting for the relationship to become normal as you say, and establishing a friendship with her.. To show her 'how cool I am' and how I've changed etc. Maybe wishing her the happy birthday could be the way to start talking to her again... Damn I'm so hopeless..
Reoreyh Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I am going to give you the single best piece of advice that is reiterated and repeated non stop on LS, and I am going to tell you why it will work, and why so many people do it. Strict and pure NC is the most attractive thing you can do in your exes eyes. It will allow her to see her mistakes, allow you to see your own, give you peace of mind, make her miss you, allow you to focus on things she or someone else will want from a boyfriend, and generally make you feel better. Even if the whole reason you do NC and make a **** ton of positive changes is to get her back in the end, you will have been a success. You will be that much stronger, confident and capable of attracting her back. Either she'll take you back or you won't care if she won't. Win win. Do it. Repeat my words in your head as I do whenever I am feeling weak.
sunshine103 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Like everyone else said on this post, you MUST stay NC and DO NOT deviate from it. Why do you want to send her a birthday present anyway? She is going to be spending it with her new man? Forget her and move on with your life. If you keep contacting her when she has clearly moved on, she will think she has you wrapped around her finger and will string you along and keep hurting you. Stay with NC.
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 I am going to give you the single best piece of advice that is reiterated and repeated non stop on LS, and I am going to tell you why it will work, and why so many people do it. Strict and pure NC is the most attractive thing you can do in your exes eyes. It will allow her to see her mistakes, allow you to see your own, give you peace of mind, make her miss you, allow you to focus on things she or someone else will want from a boyfriend, and generally make you feel better. Even if the whole reason you do NC and make a **** ton of positive changes is to get her back in the end, you will have been a success. You will be that much stronger, confident and capable of attracting her back. Either she'll take you back or you won't care if she won't. Win win. Do it. Repeat my words in your head as I do whenever I am feeling weak. Like everyone else said on this post, you MUST stay NC and DO NOT deviate from it. Why do you want to send her a birthday present anyway? She is going to be spending it with her new man? Forget her and move on with your life. If you keep contacting her when she has clearly moved on, she will think she has you wrapped around her finger and will string you along and keep hurting you. Stay with NC. The thing is, I don't want to give her the wrong impression with the NC, I don't want her to think I'm doing it because I'm angry with her or hate her that I wouldn't call all this time, and her not seeing me on chats. I'm afraid it sends a message of "I don't want to talk to you ever again" it's not like I told her I'll need some time or something.. When she told me she had broken up with me, and I went to leave, she asked me to stay(drove a long way to her place, after she didn't answer me for days), I thought it was an attempt to convert me into a 'friend', I wouldn't have it, I told her either we're together or not.I told her that I loved her but won't be waiting for her... Not wishing her a happy birthday may add to that, if she thinks it.. Or she wouldn't even notice.
Fedor Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 She can only fix your relationship. Any last ditch efforts wont work and only make you look like a fool. I know it hurts but you need to move on from this. She broke up with you. She is the one with the problem and she has to fix that herself. Good luck..
Karala Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 This thread is making me cringe so bad. You will be cringing at yourself a few months down the road, please stop yourself now... No one in the world is worth going through so much scheming, and if you go ahead with it, sooner or later you're gonna hate yourself for it. If you have to jump through hoops to maintain or try and revive a relationship, believe me, it's not a relationship you want to be in. Man, your relationship is like this parrot. It's dead. It's extinct. It has ceased to be. I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to save you lots of pain and embarassment further on... I am going to give you the single best piece of advice that is reiterated and repeated non stop on LS, and I am going to tell you why it will work, and why so many people do it. Strict and pure NC is the most attractive thing you can do in your exes eyes. It will allow her to see her mistakes, allow you to see your own, give you peace of mind, make her miss you, allow you to focus on things she or someone else will want from a boyfriend, and generally make you feel better. Even if the whole reason you do NC and make a **** ton of positive changes is to get her back in the end, you will have been a success. You will be that much stronger, confident and capable of attracting her back. Either she'll take you back or you won't care if she won't. Win win. Do it. Repeat my words in your head as I do whenever I am feeling weak. Please LittleMonkey, tattoo those words on your chest... (not really ok)
flitzanu Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 why keep presuming to know what she is thinking about no contact? the point of NC is to NOT CONTACT her. she isn't going to notice. if she DOES notice that you aren't contacting her, and she decides she wants to speak to you, then SHE will contact YOU. otherwise, just stop what you're doing. and please don't start your posts like your story is somehow different than anyone elses, that's the point. it ISN'T any different. that's why these things happen. she's done with it, and left, and that's all there is to it. there are no magical bonds that you need to remind her of, or anything that you're going to say to her that will change her mind. sorry. just the truth.
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