chippy_sy Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Hi, I've been reading through the forum to find some information that fits my sit. then ı decided to write myself so I can get people's help as others do. Thanks already. He was my friend from university years. Did not see each other for a while, then we contacted again 3 years ago. We became friends again. He was married w/ his wife pregnant. He was complaining that he did not want a child, this was a surprise for him etc. We, became close friends that I learned about his affairs, one night stands... All these did make me think one thing about him, that he was trapped in an unhappy marriage. (although I should have had other signals about his character too) Then there was this girl, his childhood love, he was in love w/ her, was thinking about divorce etc. then the girl became erratic, also cheated on him so this relationship ended, w/ him hurt deeply and me sharing all these w/ him and trying to listen to him to relax etc... After this, also w/ the effect of these "pouring out grief" sessions we became even closer, started sharing everything, we had common interests, common sense of humor....and finally we started sleeping together. I was emotional but did not really show this because I did not want to make him afraid. This continued like this for a couple of months, then I started hearing stories about these old one-night stands etc. that ı did not care before. I made small scenes, not going crazy but asking him about these...He promised me that he has done such things in the beg. of our relationship but then he found out how happy he was with me, no other woman was making him happy as I can, so he was not doing anything anymore and that I would not hear anthing like this again. Still, I was not totally comfortable since some of his behaviors did not make me feel that I was so important or loved etc... One day suddenly everything started to change in a perfect way. He started to call me everyday, sometimes twice. Our msn conversations, still lasting for 4-5 hours as before. Started to tell me that he loves me (which he sort of avoided before). One day he called me in the morning just to say that I was the first thing he thought of when he woke up. After that when we met, everytime it was like heaven, he was full of love and passion as never before... I finally believed he loved me and was happy. Then, two weeks ago he also put this in words. He said, it was not like this in the beginning, he was happy w/ me and we were so good in bed, etc...but now it became different, he started to really love me, he fell in love w/ me. I was so happy, told him it was the same for me etc... I am sorry it's too long but now comes the end Just two weeks after we finally reached this stage, one morning he called me said he felt terrible, did not know what to feel and think etc. His wife was pregnant again... I was sad&crazy. We had these long conversations that pressurized him so bad. He finally told me this second child actually would not change the outcome. Since he has one daughter, he would never walk away from his marriage, regardless of his happiness or unhappiness in this marriage. He only thinks about his child. He wants her to grow up w/ her parents together. But, this never means his feelings about me changed. He is still in love w/ me. That was sad. But, I did not know what to do. I said I was gonna think and decide what to do because I was young and did not want to spend my life w/ a married man that will never devorce. I have a friend who knows his wife, just as I was trying to decide. ı heard about womans side. She said to my friend that she was also unhappy uncomfortable last months, sort of feeling that her husband was slipping away, but then w/ this pregnancy news she said : "me & my husband sat and talked thgrough this. Decided that we love each other. So, we will have this child etc..." What should I do? I tried to break up actually once last week, but I had to turn back because overly painful, I kept crying for 2 days until he said you see we can not end this now, we love eachother and talked me back...
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Let's say he leaves his wife and child for you, the woman he said vows to and cheated on many times throughout his marriage, becomes your husband. You are FULLY aware of his cheating ways, the fact he is very capable of telling lies and manipulates, what happens when (not IF, WHEN) he cheats on you? LISTEN to your gut, that little voice that is telling you something is wrong here. He is broken inside and the way he fixes things is .. to .. cheat! You get what you get, so if you plan on being with him, either try to get him to leave his wife and get married to you, or if you plan on staying in an affair as the OW, just know that eventually someone else WILL catch his eye and he'll go for it! He has no sense of committment, or staying faithful to one person.
Woman In Blue Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Honestly, the only human being LOWER on earth than a man who cheats on his wife while she's carrying HIS child is one who cheats on his wife while she's suffering from a terminal disease. Disgusting. Why would you even consider lowering yourself to be this jerk's toy on the side? Because that's exactly what you are.
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