MakeMeWise Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Hey Everyone, This will be a long post, But I'm hoping someone can shed some light into this for me. Let me start off by saying my ex, Who is 17 and has been with me for 13 months, Showed no signs at all of this, No signs of breaking up with me. In fact, She is very insecure (Which i didn't mind). I am 19 by the way. And this is both of ours first true love. Things where fine in 2010, We saw 2011 in by staying in and having a kiss at 00:00 to welcome in the new year, I spent Xmas with her and pretty much spoiled her with gifts and love. I lost my job on the 24th December 2010, Which never really hit me until slightly after new years day, I know she was not happy with me being unemployed, But i suffer from SAnD (Social Anxiety Disorder), So getting back into work has always been a challenge. In February this year, She was going in to have her tonsils removed at the hospital, A few weeks before this, I asked her if it was ok that i come and sit by her, And be at the hospital with her, I even wanted to stay over night so she had some company and someone there for her, She said this would be lovely. However a few days before the op, I asked her if it was still ok, And she told me she didn't want me there ! I asked her why ? and she didn't give me a reason, So i left her to her wishes. She called me when she had come out of the Operating room and told me how things went ! Then told me she wanted to go (Understandable being so tired etc etc). I went to see her on the day she came home, Just to comfort her etc etc, She was fine up until about an hour when she asked me to leave because she wanted to spend time with her sister. If i am honest, This made me feel so rejected, That i couldn't be there for her, She wouldn't allow it ! I made the biggest mistake next, I went out on a 3 weeks drinking spree with my friends at the pub. I was so depressed and felt so rejected from her, This was my way of dealing with it. I never cheated on her though, Never ever. I messed up valentines day purely to push her away from me, Because i just felt so hurt that she had done this to me. She made me a dinner, At hers, Candle lit, It was beautiful if i am honest. However i got her nothing. I know, I am a total waste of space, I bought her £50 worth of flowers afterwards though ! I know its to little to late and all that ! And i messed up on her birthday (Which was a few days later) by not getting her anything. Not even a card. Because i was basically just wanting to break up with her at this point. Anyways, Things started to improve in April, Quite alot if i'm honest, We where back in love, She did nothing but tell me how much she loves me and how she wants a future with me. I suppose i was so happy that everything was going well again ! I started to really fall in love with her again, I told her how beautiful she was, And how much i love her ! Things where perfect, There was nothing wrong, Nothing to say a break up was on the cards. However. It all came to an end. The week of the break up, She was fine, Told me how much she loved me etc, and on the day of the break up, She came to mine, She phoned me before hand to ask if she could wear one of my t-shirts as it had been raining and she was soaked ! Of course i let her wear one whilst her clothes dried out. We lay on the bed, And cuddled up, Telling each other how much we love each other. I went to get her some stuff from the supermarket, She wanted a small bottle of vodka for a friends party, I said no I'm not buying it, Because i didn't want her going out and something happening. She then said Well then i will get someone else to buy it! So i went and got her it. I came back, To find she was crying, After being left alone with my mum for 15 minutes, My mum says she broke down crying, Saying that lifes hard for her at the moment, That she was fed up of her parents arguing at home, And she was stressed with a level exams, And she wanted me to get a job. She asked me to go up stairs for some privacy, To which, She started saying i don't love her etc etc, I don't know what went through my mind, But i stood up, Started walking and threw a plate at the wall (In a completely different direction to her, I walked out of my own home). Bearing in mind, At home she gets her parents arguing all the time, And throwing stuff. I didn't realize this until after i had done it. That night, She told me she was breaking up with me And it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I pleaded with her not to, And that we will work things out. But she was adamant it was what she wanted. I told her i hate her (I know ! How stupid of me, I didn't hate her, I just hated what she was doing to me). I got my stuff back off her early morning the next day, To which i told her i hated her I looked her in the eye and said this to. I walked off home, She walked off in her direction. I cried so hard later that day, So so hard. I have lost my world. My mum and friends supported me. And i was starting to feel a little better, Then ! She phones me up drunk, Saying 'I'm sorry' I'm Sorry' And her friend grabs the phone and hangs up on me. She then walks to my house and starts crying at the door step. She broke down in tears saying she had made a mistake, And that she wants to kill herself ! I comforted her (I wish i didn't), And told her everything was going to be okay. I walked her home to make sure nothing happened to her, She kissed me before walking the last few houses home. And text me that night saying how alone she is etc etc. From there, It has been mixed feelings, She tells me she loves me and stuff, But tells me she can't be hurt again, And she can't do it. We met 2 days ago, She told me that she loves me, But she cant be hurt again, And she can't trust 'Guys' anymore ? She also told me about her being raped at 15, When she met some guy who was 27 and they went to a hotel, She told me he forced her to have sex with her. She never told me this, Or her MUM !!! But yet she told a random boy at school when she was down. She also told me she was abused by her mums ex partner, She remembers being called into his room when he was lying on the bed when she was getting changed :/ And she said theres alot she doesn't remember, Made the point maybe she was drugged. She quite frankly wants nothing to do with me right now, I have wrote her poems each day, I have wrote her letters, I have told her how much i love her. What do i do !!!? Because she loves me, But she doesn't trust 'guys' or anything anymore, I don't want to loose her for good Thanks.
LjHappyDays Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Hi, Im guessing from this she has obviously had a hard time with the men that have been in her life. Just let her no you are here to support her, and listen to her issues. If you love the girl you need to tell her you want to help her through this time, she may not say it but she will need you and especially want you to comfort her. You havent hurt her, you may have upset her going out etc, let her no she can trust you, build her trust up before jumping back into a relatuonship. Shes scared of been hurt and this is completely understandable. Write her a letter? Or ask her for a coffee? Just to tell her you want to build her trust up, and is she ok if you do so? A relationship isnt just straight forward - You have to work bloody hard at them.
Author MakeMeWise Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Hi, Im guessing from this she has obviously had a hard time with the men that have been in her life. Just let her no you are here to support her, and listen to her issues. If you love the girl you need to tell her you want to help her through this time, she may not say it but she will need you and especially want you to comfort her. You havent hurt her, you may have upset her going out etc, let her no she can trust you, build her trust up before jumping back into a relatuonship. Shes scared of been hurt and this is completely understandable. Write her a letter? Or ask her for a coffee? Just to tell her you want to build her trust up, and is she ok if you do so? A relationship isnt just straight forward - You have to work bloody hard at them. I've tried all of that Just spoken to her on the phone. She can't trust me and won't give me a chance to prove it to her. She won't allow herself to be hurt. And for me to leave her alone. Game over.
LjHappyDays Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Shes clearly very fragile.... How about giving her the space she obviously needs. dont go giving up so easily but also dont beg her or anything just sebnd her a message - saying you want her to know even if you two didnt work out you will always be there for her. Because you lover her and care abiout her wellbeing....
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