TomerT Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Hi all, You were all very helpful here, I think I may some advice here.... My ex-cheating-gf keep calling me. First time she called (out of nowhere) about 1.5 months ago, after 7 month of complete no contact - I didn't answer. then last week two times - it was hard but I ignored. Today she just called again three times (the last time from her friend phone ). I ignored all of them. I already made piece with myself about what happened, but to be frank, my heart start pumping like a crazy when I saw her name on my phone (3 times today !) My question is what do you think she wanted ? Didn't she get last week that I am not interested to talk with her (which is not completely true - cause I am interested, but I want her to come and look into my eyes and not hide behind the phone). But even if this what she planned to do, why then she just not simply send me a sms message or write an email an explain what she wanted ? Why insist calling me ? Should I call her back ? When we were together, I promised her to be her good friend no matter what. May be something happened and she really needs my help ? I don't know what to think. A short summary: about 10 months ago she left to vacation to her home country, when I came to meet her in the airport she came back pregnant with her ex-bf. We didn't talk since then. I tried to reach her in the first 2 weeks, but her new (old) bf didn't allow her to communicate with me. Only once she called me hiding from public toilet crying and saying that she is sorry (still not sure about what)...I even don't know if she kept the baby... Your advice on the situation will be very appreciated...
PegNosePete Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Next time she calls, pick up, and tell her you are not interested in anything she has to say and to please stop calling, otherwise you will report her for harassment.
Steen719 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Next time she calls ask to borrow money from her. Or tell her you have converted to Scientology and start talking to her about that. You will never hear from her again. My morning laugh!! Thank you.
2long Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I like the suggestion about asking her for money when she calls next. Reminds me of the old saying "call when you get work". Seriously, though, you've posted a lot of new threads about this since it started. If you truly were completely over what happened, you would be indifferent 2 her calls, and it would be easy 2 continue 2 ignore them, block them, or simply answer and tell her you're not interested. But since you do keep bringing it up, I can tell you're still emotionally invested enough that you could be taken advantage of without 2 much trouble. Who knows whether she still has her baby or not? Can you find out without asking her directly? The answer might clue you in as 2 why she keeps calling you. I suspect it's because her bf dumped her and left her without child support, so she's hoping you'll step in and be that support. And because you're still vulnerable 2 some degree, I would be VERY CAREFUL going forward, unless you simply choose 2 continue 2 ignore or block her calls. -ol' 2long
dale_gribble Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Dude, answer it, then quickly hang-up without saying a thing. Maybe she'll get the picture already. You say you went to pick her up, and came back preggos and with ex-BF in toe... you couldn't make this stuff up- REALLY. Please don't tell me you drove them to their destination, or I'm gonna give you a virtual 2X4.
Author TomerT Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 No, I came to the airport to meet her, cause I had no idea about what she did. I thought we are still together. Before she left the "love was enormous" (apparently not ), we made love half hour before I drove her to the airport for 1.5 month vacation. When I came to meet her, I saw them together and even couldn't approach her. After two hours her mum called me and explained me everything. I am not saying that everything was perfect before she left, we had our issues, but all in all I was a good boyfriend (may be now eventually she started to realize it) and no one deserve this kind of treatment. After she came back she even didn't want talk to me, like I was irrelevant piece of sh*t. She always swore to me that there is no way she will come back to her ex, after all the wrong he did to her. I blindly believed her. I don't want to spend any more time on her or thinking about her. I wish I had a selective delete in my memory
Bryanp Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I take a different approach. Why don't you let her beg and then finally say no thanks.....
betterdeal Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Change your phone number. You're emotionally vulnerable and, I think, she hasn't gotten the message that you deserve to be treated better and will not tolerate any more abuse from her.
Calif_hope Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 My advice is to answer her call, but before she get too far into her agenda for calling - demand and opportunity to ask questions fir the sake of closure....clearly you have them. Respond to her as a strong and healthty individual in words, tone, and voice..be the adult. Get your answers, deal with her reason for the call, protect yourself.
Calif_hope Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Could it be possible that your the father from that last encounter?
Author TomerT Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Could it be possible that your the father from that last encounter? He-he Good point ! But No - now it is 100% sure. Next post.
Author TomerT Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 So, after about 10 her attempts, I send her a message: "Give me one reason, shy should I answer your call".... I was amazed be her reply: "I am sorry, but I don't think that's only my fault.Anyway, I hope you forgive me. I just wanna know how are you now"... We didn't talk almost 10 months, she even didn't explain to me what, why and how all this mess happened, she just disappeared from my life and the first thing she still can not take responsibility for her actions and continue blame me for her cheating. Apparently, I was right when I thought she has BPD: http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm. Anyway, she asked my permission to call, I agreed and we talked about 10 minutes, mostly about nothing. Her first two question were whether I live in the same place and whether I have a gf (make me thing..."hm... ?")... 3 weeks ago she had the baby. Which amazed me even more than she so insistingly called me only 3 weeks after the birth of her child. I would think that her full attention should be her family and recovery (she underwent cesarean section). I asked if she finally happy with her husband, she told me "all the same, fighting all the time, I don't know what is going on to be with us"... I mean, wtf ? You have two kids from him - and you still don't know ? Also when I asked what if he knows that she called to me, she laughed and said: "Don't worry, he won't know, I delete all my calls and msgs". Someone who said "Once a cheater always a cheater" was right. But the real "pinnacle" came at the end, when she told me: "Pls don't txt or call me to this phone, cause I don't want to have fight with him, I will call u from my sister phone when I want to say 'Hi' ". It's like I some kind of toy for her... Frankly, I am releifed now, I know she has a baby, her life is miserable and she is thinking about me all the time. I decided I will never answer her calls again, that's for sure. But I do feel better, honestly. I don't need to guess now. Your comments on this much appreciated. The most intriguing part that I don't understand is why a girl, 3 weeks after a birth will call to her ex and blame him for her cheating and all the consequences that came after ? What did she expect to hear ?
Bryanp Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 She loves having drama in her life. You dodged a bullet. How sad for her new family. She clearly would be open having an affair with you now. It sounds like she is looking for a way to get our of her mess and would love to trap you. Move on and find someone who does not have such a broken moral compass and so much baggage.
Calif_hope Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 You dodged a bullet. All together, say "AMEN"!!!!!!!!!!!
betterdeal Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Yeah yeah, you decided to never answer her calls again before. I bet you still have her number and you haven't changed your number. You're keeping that line open, aren't you? What are you afraid will happen if you don't keep your lifeline to her?
OldOnTheInside Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Yeah yeah, you decided to never answer her calls again before. I bet you still have her number and you haven't changed your number. You're keeping that line open, aren't you? What are you afraid will happen if you don't keep your lifeline to her? Blunt but true. Only thing I can recommend is that you find a less emotionally draining hobby.
2long Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Now wait a minute!... I asked if she finally happy with her husband, she told me "all the same, fighting all the time, I don't know what is going on to be with us"... I mean, wtf ? You have two kids from him - and you still don't know ? She's married 2 this guy and this is her 2nd kid with him? What does that make you? Not a boyfriend, but an OM? I can't help you, son. -ol' 2long
jnj express Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 You need to stop contact with her---she is obviously devious, she cheated on him, then on you, now she's cheating on him again---be careful before you get yourself into something that is gonna turn around and bite you---she is toxic---delete her!!!!!!
Author TomerT Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 First of all - you are all very helpful here... I really wish I could just delete her from my memory... she is toxic Unfortunately I have to agree, but she was so nice, sweet and kind when we were together. She let me feel really good. She was more than my gf - she was my sister, my family here...This is probably why it was so hard to delete her from my life...But after our last convo and your comments - I will erase her from my life completely. Thank you all !
PegNosePete Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Unfortunately I have to agree, but she was so nice, sweet and kind when we were together. Yeah they all were mate!!!
kourtney01 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 My personal opinion: (having been cheated on and disrespected by my ex fiancee) #1- She had unresolved issues with her ex before the pregnancy. the red flags were probably there but you did not pick up on them. #2 - After giving birth, your hormones change. You might feel a mix of emotions that don't go away for quite some time. Her 'remorse' for what she did to you could come from those emotions. Perhaps everything is not so perfect in wonderland with her husband which you mentioned before that they had a lot of issues... so now she is thinking of you... thinking 'what if' and you talking to her is only feeding that drama. She doesn't deserve reassurance or attention from you after how much she has hurt you. Leave her be. She has a baby now and a new life with HER HUSBAND. Why become a part of that triangle once again? Do yourself a favor and change your number. Next time try to recognize when you meet someone that is not over their ex. I almost married a guy who still had feelings for his ex. Although she was NOTHING SPECIAL (I met her.. his sister introduced us) he never got over he because he was a narcissist and full of himself and she was THE ONLY WOMAN in his life that treated him poorly for a change. (dose of his own medicine) Long story short, he cheated on me MULTIPLE times and hurt me soooo much and part of it was his anger for his ex. (part of it was that he was a scumbag)I know next time I meet a guy that talks about how much his ex has hurt him on a regular basis... I'm running! Clear sign of baggage that has not yet been resolved. My 2 cents. You're doing great.. continue with NC!
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