confusedasever Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I don't know where to start, but know I need to vent. I have been with this guy for 1.5 years that I met online. It's supposed to be an exclusive relationship. I really liked him. We told eachother we loved eachother, but with the recent events that happened and looking back on the relationship, I feel like I have gotten the smack of a lifetime in my face. How could I be sooo stupid? Naive! I am 31 for crying out loud. I always knew something was a little weird about our relationship, and never was content with it. Stupidly I thought everything would change once we were ready too. WOW, REALLY??? I'll back up a little bit. Like I mentioned, we met on a dating site. I liked him right away, not like love at first sight or anything, just thought he was cool and we could see eachother for fun. We did not EVER talk on a daily basis, from the begining to the end. So, after about 6 months, he introduced me to his parents, on his Bday. That night, he told me he loved me. This shocked me, I was like really? Because at this point I don't think we had ever heard eachothers voices over the phone, and maybe 4 texts through the week, and that was to set up when we would see eachother next...which was 1 maybe 2 times a week. I certainly did not feel like a priority. He asked if I was his GF and if I wanted too. I agreed that we could do that and I wouldn't date other people, and he better not either. (I did not return the I love you at this point) Now, since day one, he always had a wandering eye, goes to strip clubs and just kind of a perv like that.(I didn't care, because I didn't see this going anywhere) when we did decide to date, it didn't bother me...at first. He did NOT seem like a player type at all. I shrugged his lack of communication with me as him just going with the flow. I did not mind, since I have a life, and like the freedom. I was recently out of a long term relationship, so didn't care that we weren't jumping into anything. Well, time goes by and NOTHING changes, nothing. He still never calls, texts and we see eachother minimally. I start to think maybe I want more now. I tell him this, and he agrees that he will contact me more often...And he does, but mostly only by texting. He might call 1-2 times a week, and text the other days. Another thing, he travels for work, and was recently gone for 4 months. He flew me out to see him once, and he came home 2 times....1 time he spent the whole weekend with me, another he spent with his friends on a trip he had planned. Anyway...I am not getting any happier...and thinking I don't want this. I trusted him. Well. I didn't question him. I was an idiot. Fast forward to last week. Things just seem off with him when I see him. I can tell that he isn't "feeling it" and I am not either. I ask him how he feels about the relationship and if he wants us to take a break, maybe date others etc.. he says no, but he wants me to show that I care more, and to take money more seriously. (I am sort of irresponsible when it comes to money, and he wants to get married but not to someone who is like that. He paid off some outstanding debt I had, and said I didn't "appreciate" what he did. That is not true, I did...but maybe I didn't make timely payments to him. BTW, I NEVER asked him to do that. He pushed me into it. SO...I tell him how I feel, that I don't feel like I even have a BF, I feel single and that I don't matter to him as a person. We both agree to change. He will call me everyday, (woopdy doo) and I will make an honest effort at getting my financial matters in order. (I was doing that anyway, I was broke due to paying people back after my judgment cleared) The next FLIPPEN day. He holds true to his words and calls me after work. We talked for about 15 min. Okay, I am going to have to back up about 2 weeks , when I knew something was off. I had a "feeling" and decided to look at profiles on this dating site of single men in this area, that meet his criteria. I come across one, with no picture but I knew...I knewwwww it was him. He did lie about his age by 1 year....anyway. I make a fake profile with no pic and message him. I checked it occasionally, but he was out of town, and hadn't been online. Well, anyway. When he gets back in town, he messaged me back, gave me his yahoo ID (one I never heard of, JERK!!!) So back to the next FLIPPEN day, after we talk for 15 minutes, we hang up, I message that ID from Yahoo. We chat, share little small talk, then I send a pic of my cousin he doesn't know. He then sends a pic....and it was him. I held my compsure, asked if he met anyone online before, he says ya, 1 a while ago...nothing really. I said ya ya...I was having a hard time at this point and said I would be right back and logged off. I waited as long as I could, waiting for my Sister to call me, but she took too long. SO I text him. I ask him if he wants his phone back or what? He was like what? Why? And all I said was, I am not stupid, thanks. He called me off the hook (probly more times that night than in the whole 1.5 yrs I have known him, jerk!!) I just could not talk to him. I was so hurt. He actually drove to my house. He acted like a nut case. Said he was SOOO sorry and nothing ever happened and he didn't know what he was thinking, he loves meee soooo much, but he felt like I didn't give a crap about things and WAH WAH WAH. I told him I had to thiink about things, that I would not be going up north with him for the weekend. Well, Friday, I had to have a drink or 10 or 12. He called me when I was not in the right mind, but we talked and it felt good. We talked for hours. UGH...I want to kick myself for that. Because it was like I gave in to him. He still went out of town, and he stayed until Sunday night. If he really wanted to talk or see me or whatever....he would have come home atleast Sunday morning. But, whatever. So I go see him on Monday. It was like nothing happened. He wanted me to spend everyday this week with him because he is leaving for a month. Well today I worked late and he says he did, but I don't believe him. I really don't. I also seen that he was online as invisible with that ID he got caught with. Who the F is he talking to? He swore up and down that I could trust him, that he won't do any of that crap anymore....he doesn't know I know he is invisible, because I think he would just change and get a new ID. (there's a website that tells ya that good stuff, I don't care if it's creepy) I am not going to be with an A hole that I have to check up on. That idiot has another thing comin. I was almost stupid enough to forgive, but for suely I am not dumb enough to forget. Why did I leave the one guy that wanted nothing more than for me to be with him and go for the A hole that really wanted nothing to do with me? And why did it take me so long to react to the realization...............UGHHHHH Dang that was long, but I really had to vent...whew. I left a lot out too. If I woulda wrote this a month ago and only included good things about this relationship, it would have been 25% as long as this. It does help just to write it down. Sorry if I bored ya!
SJC2008 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 With all due respect to you,thats why I'll never understand women. If you call a girl the next day after a date your clingy. BUT once you show your'e not clingy and you hook her, she'll complain you don't call enough, but will stay with you for a year. At our age (I'm 29), we have to be more straitforward at the BEGINING of a relationship. If you want daily contact, TELL him, IF you want to get married and have kids one day, TELL him, it won't mean you are proposing to him, just telling him your future aspirations if you meet the right person. Why waste your time with someone who won't give, or at least compromise what you are looking for?
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