user123 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I have been married almost 5 years and am now going through separation. I hate to admit it, but it is mostly my fault. I have been consumed in work and doing what I want instead of being a good father and husband. i was so bad I completely forgot our anniversary last year and I'm very ashamed for that. My wife has not been perfect either, but she blames everything on me. Much of our marriage has been conflict for the last few years. Now that I can finally see clear she is leaving. She needs time to sort out her feelings to see if the marriage can be saved. I am tryng my best to deal, but not doing well. We have our own business and she will be working nights and me on days, so I will still see her almost daily. She has been texting another man quite frequently that lives a few states away she met on some online game. I saw a few of them and it seems he is flirting heavily, but she stays nuetral. Not sure if I should be worried as she has vowed to never move from our area. I fear what may happen. I have done the 180 I should have done a long time ago, but it may be too late. It concerns me she lays all blame on me. Though I wish for nothing more than be a family again, I don't see how if she accepts no responsibility. It takes two and she has done her fair share of hurt as well. I have accepted mine whole heartedly and intend to 'fix myself'. I have commited to continue to be the best father and husband I can be under the circumstances. Her lease is for a year and we have both discussed we should know the final outcome before tha much time passes. Our separation is informal with everything still ties together. I have bought 4 ebooks about saving marriage, but I'm just confused. I'm rying not to pressure her or appear needy, but she knows I want us back together. I can't play games like I don't care or hard to get. I have commited not to date, but she will not reciprocate. I'm not pressing the issue so she can have her space, but my fear consumes me for what the future may hold. The though of divorce and some other man being the father of my child is terrifying. I have suggested marriage counsoleing, but she dodges the topic. She says 'I'm not even moved out yet'. I don't want to put pressure on her, but at this point she expresses no interest in doing any work to fix the marriage. When the topic comes up she just reminds me how she begged for months for me to change. Does my situation sound hopeless? Am I crazy for still holding on? She will be moved out by July 1, but still mentions us doing things as a family. I don't know how long is reasonable to wait. I fear she may string me along until i am forced to make a decision myself.
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Hate to say this but this other guy IS a factor in her decision to separate. People who have the issues you two have, do counselling and fight for their marriage when they recognize there are problems..They don't just up and walk away without trying. I doubt she is thinking divorce, but she IS thinking of space and getting to know someone else while you're separated. That's not good. Don't let her put all the blame on you. It takes two to have marital issues and problems, communication it seems hasn't been good on both sides.. Suggest marriage counselling again even though you two are separating, counselling will help you two adjust, and also it'll help you two deal with the kids. Maybe this can help prevent her from moving out and also the issue of this other guy online can be discussed as well.
robf1971 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 aily. She has been texting another man quite frequently that lives a few states away she met on some online game. I saw a few of them and it seems he is flirting heavily, but she stays nuetral. . You to your wife, Wife either cease immediate contact with xyz and commit to working on our marriage or leave, I will not be openly disrespected like this under my own roof" What's it to be? Anything less than a yes you say " I understand" Then you pack her stuff in boxes, put them in the garage, tell her she has 2 weeks to leave and find a new place. Ohh and if your paying for this cellphone she's texting loverboy with CUT IT OFF NOW do not finance her infidelity, do not tell her you are going to do this , JUST DO IT...
Mauschen Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I also recommend reading Child Custody A to Z by Guy White. It's always good to be prepared and know what kind of actions you should be taking now to gain the most custody possible (if that is what you want). Make sure you look up the child support guideline in your state. In my state, for instance, if you have the child less than 45% of the time, you have to pay a significant amount of child support. My ex and I have basically the same income, he has the kids 3 days per week and I have them 4 days per week. My lawyer has calculated that he will likely be ordered to pay $1400/month for the 2 children because his parenting time is less than 45% (even if it is just barely less). So, I really do suggest that you make sure you have your child at least 4 nights each week, and offer to take the child even more than that.
Recommended Posts