stopthemadness Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I went through that. The whole not sleeping thing. It sucks huh? but it will pass. Honestly I lived off of like 4 hours of sleep for about 3 or 4 months, I started seeing a therapist. Best thing I ever did. Saw her for about 7 months. Think about it? Might be smthing you wanta do?..........
wilsonx Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 that sucks Im one month in and I still only sleep 3-4 hours a day even on ambian
stopthemadness Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 It will pass I promise!! You guys hang in there.....after a while your brain just says "I cant process this anymore!". And if keep No contact (and i hope you are) there should be no more new info for you to process.If you can? Try taking little cat naps during the day. Like when you first get home from work. I found that if I had smone over I would ask them to please stay in the room with me while I take a cat nap. It worked. I guess it was just not being alone. Remember always that you are NOT alone!! Everyone goes through heart ache at sm point in their lives. Before you know it, yours days of N/C become weeks, then weeks become months. Then your like me (big smile) almost 1 year post breakup and OMG!! am still breathing and living and I cant wait to fall in love again...well eventually anyway..Hope your feeling better. Keep posting it helps, also theres a chat line on here too. Its called On Line Chatting To cope. Try it.. At first I was on there all the time AND you can go on it at anytime!!
AmericanHoney Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I had that for 2 weeks after my ex left and it was horrible! I also didn't eat which also sucked. I promise things will get better:)
Author Karala Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Thanks everyone! I do get a full night's sleep every night (with meds), the trouble for me is getting to fall asleep. I am NEVER sleepy in the evening. I usually go to bed around midnight (which probably feels to me like 9pm to normal people) and start reading, and then a couple of hours later I'm still awake and reading and feeling more and more distressed and anguished about everything, because my mind falls down into despair mode more and more as the night goes on. Then I don't know if I should continue reading until I hypothetically begin to feel sleepy, or force myself to put down my book and just lie there in the dark thinking suicidal thoughts. Sometimes I take the meds (Ambien and/or Xanax) right away when I turn off the light and try to go to sleep, but I'm so afraid of the time period of about half an hour before they take effect and during which my brain is racing about how bleak my future is and I just feel like dying. So sometimes I just take the meds when I'm still sitting and reading or hanging out on this board, and wait til I pass out. Getting to be able to pass out recquires more and more meds as times goes by. But at least when I fall asleep (usually around 5am) I do sleep for 8 hours straight. God, I don't know where I would be if I was sleeping only 4 hours a night.
Author Karala Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 I went through that. The whole not sleeping thing. It sucks huh? but it will pass. Honestly I lived off of like 4 hours of sleep for about 3 or 4 months, I started seeing a therapist. Best thing I ever did. Saw her for about 7 months. Think about it? Might be smthing you wanta do?.......... I've seen more therapists in my life than I have fingers and toes, and for what they cost, they never really helped more then buying myself a handful of books or a new pair of shoes. I'm burned trying to see a therapist. I'm so happy that so many people find help in them. They never worked for me. Sure, I could just force myself anyway and try another one. And then end up even more desperate when it turns out yet another failed attempt at getting better. I did that just a couple of months ago, I'm not jumping right back into it just now.
Author Karala Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Î like this link. (I've complained enough that I feel I need to come up with something more uplifiting, lol) Hm, except this part made me smile : "Fortune telling: It’s going to take me at least an hour to get to sleep tonight.I just know it." lol, these people aren't serious. What would I give to take only an hour to get to sleep every night. I was supposed to be going to the doctor tomorrow to get a prescription for more sleeping pills, but I'm having second thoughts. I'm getting more and more addicted, while they become less and less efficient. It's not like I really see an alternative, but I hate the idea of becoming a pills junkie, on top of being a depressed wreck because of my breakup.
WTRanger Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Pills never did it for me either. Though, I always believe meds for this kind of stuff is just a fake fix. In fact, I think the meds are designed to hook you so you are addicted to them and therefore keep paying money. Just like therapist. Most of them (not the rare good ones) only prolong your problems. Because if they fixed you, you'd no longer pay to see them. I forced myself to learn meditation and now I simply sit in the quiet serenity of my apartment for 15 minutes and do not let a thought enter my mind. If one does get in there, I process it, then exhale it out. Some use music, I simply listen to my breathing. I've never slept so well in my life. Here's a really good article about the basics:[/url] http://nithyananda.org/meditation The key is you must force yourself to relax. You have to force that pesky brain to shut up. Once you silence your inner chatter, you sleep like a rock. This is also not a one and done, read some article, quick fix. You have to work at it and continue to do so. But as I said, about 2-3 weeks into it, I was and continue to sleep through anything these days.
Author Karala Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Pills never did it for me either. Though, I always believe meds for this kind of stuff is just a fake fix. In fact, I think the meds are designed to hook you so you are addicted to them and therefore keep paying money. Just like therapist. Most of them (not the rare good ones) only prolong your problems. Because if they fixed you, you'd no longer pay to see them. I love you. I forced myself to learn meditation and now I simply sit in the quiet serenity of my apartment for 15 minutes and do not let a thought enter my mind. If one does get in there, I process it, then exhale it out. Some use music, I simply listen to my breathing. I've never slept so well in my life. Here's a really good article about the basics: http://nithyananda.org/meditation The key is you must force yourself to relax. You have to force that pesky brain to shut up. Once you silence your inner chatter, you sleep like a rock. This is also not a one and done, read some article, quick fix. You have to work at it and continue to do so. But as I said, about 2-3 weeks into it, I was and continue to sleep through anything these days. I know for a fact that engaging with the inner chatter is what's keeping me awake at nights. (Usually negative chatter, but sometimes even positive) I know that taking pills is the coward's way, and I've been doing that lately because I've been indulging. But I realize that the more I indulge, the worse I feel about myself, and the worse off I find myself. Being able to quiet down your mind (=meditation) just seems so f***ing hard to me. I know lots of people manage to master it, they just seem super-human to me or something. Kudos to you. I suppose that there's no reason I wouldn't be able to master it too if I really applied myself to it. And maybe if I go though another handful of horrible nights like I've been having lately, it will give me enough motivation to apply myself to it at last. Thanks a lot for the pointer!
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Being able to quiet down your mind (=meditation) just seems so f***ing hard to me. I know lots of people manage to master it, they just seem super-human to me or something. Kudos to you. I suppose that there's no reason I wouldn't be able to master it too if I really applied myself to it. And maybe if I go though another handful of horrible nights like I've been having lately, it will give me enough motivation to apply myself to it at last. Thanks a lot for the pointer! Meditation has been likened to taming a monkey. Your Mind is never still, hopping from branch to branch, swinging through a forest, whooping and screeching all the time, jumping up and down, and constantly on the move. Stand by a monkey enclosure, side on, and just casually notice it.... there's movement, but it's no big deal. Turn and face it and pay full attention, and you'll see just how much is happening....Every monkey is busy doing something, every one is active in some way, everything is just one big place of activity.... This is the difference between knowing you have an active mind, and actually observing it at work. If you were to vocalise every thought, you'd be the nutter on the bus, everyone hopes to avoid! Monkeys are only ever still, for 2 reasons. One is when they sleep. The other is when they're eating. You can't sleep 24/7 to calm your Monkey mind - come to think of it, nobody can - so instead, you have to feed your Mind. A monkey, feeding, is still alert, watchful and aware....but it's calm, and eating the food.... What do you feed your mind, to tame it, and yet still be aware? You feed it your breath, together with a Mantra garnish. Now, don't be daunted by the word 'mantra'. It just means "Sacred utterance". And what's sacred to you, is sacred to you. It doesn't need to be religious or spiritual. The word could be "Focus" or as you breathe in, you could say "Calm" and as you breathe out, you can say "Peace". You begin by simply making yourself comfortable, but upright. The Lotus position is not obligatory, and the weird hand positions aren't either. Just sit where you want, against a wall, or in a chair, and make yourself comfortable. Starting at your feet, notice how your feet feel, and make sure there is no tension in them. Then, your ankles....your knees.... your hips and lower back..... your spine.... your shoulders....arms....elbows...wrists.....hands.... then your neck....face....mouth....eyes......forehead..... Look at your whole body in a state of Alert Relaxation (or Relaxed Alertness) and when you're comfortable, just watch yourself breathing. Don't force, or change the breath. Just watch how your body moves, and where you feel breathing affects and touches your body.... how your belly and ribcage move and feel against your clothing....breathe in, and breathe out..... You can recite the word 'Focus' when you realise your mind is wandering, and bring it back to a quiet, 'observing the breath' state, or you can simply recite in your mind, the words 'calm' and 'peace' as you breathe in and breathe out. To begin with, your mind will seem noisier and more active than ever! You'll start to think the problem is getting worse, not better! This is because you are now paying full attention to the "Monkey Enclosure".... if you thought you thought too much before, now, you're completely convinced of it!! Persevere. Yes, of course it's hard work, and it does take time, but it's a wonderful way of calming your thoughts, and bringing the Mind home. Your mind is MADE to think. That's its job; it's meant to think. But Meditation is a way of ensuring it's working FOR you - not against you.
Author Karala Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Thanks a lot TaraMaiden, that was very helpful. I'm definitely inspired to give it a thorough try.
WTRanger Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I love you. I know for a fact that engaging with the inner chatter is what's keeping me awake at nights. (Usually negative chatter, but sometimes even positive) I know that taking pills is the coward's way, and I've been doing that lately because I've been indulging. But I realize that the more I indulge, the worse I feel about myself, and the worse off I find myself. Being able to quiet down your mind (=meditation) just seems so f***ing hard to me. I know lots of people manage to master it, they just seem super-human to me or something. Kudos to you. I suppose that there's no reason I wouldn't be able to master it too if I really applied myself to it. And maybe if I go though another handful of horrible nights like I've been having lately, it will give me enough motivation to apply myself to it at last. Thanks a lot for the pointer! It wasn't super human. It took a good solid 2 weeks of very little sleep, but slowly getting more sleep each night. Eventually, I got so God damn tired I just fell asleep on my own. After that, that seemed to be the wall and once I was over it I'm able to really control my thoughts at night. While I was working on it, if I was having a chatty mind I would get up and start to write the thoughts down. I stuck with good ole pad and paper and just wrote the thoughts as they came. That seemed to help them exit my mind, rather than bounce around like a ping-pong ball. If I still couldn't sleep, I worked on some personal hobbies. I figure if I'm going to be up, might as well make use of the time. That also helped get my mind off of things and sleep usually came naturally. It's like anything, especially think of it as a work out. Generally, it takes 20-30 days of continual use for something to become a routine in your life.
The Great Gazoo Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I had that for 2 weeks after my ex left and it was horrible! I also didn't eat which also sucked. I promise things will get better:) The one thing you can count on is that it WILL get better.
Author Karala Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 WTRanger and TaraMaiden, I wanted to thank you both. Yesterday is the day our dog died (gosh I still can't believe I'm really saying this) and I still managed to go to sleep, using a variation of what you suggested. I kept the idea of "clearing my mind and disengaging with the inner chatter", and what I did was just counting from zero to infinity (infinity being the point where I fell asleep, which was around 570 if I remember correctly) and at the same time, thinking of something I like. In my case, I thought of a ballerina, because I'm a passionate ballet dancer and lover and just thinking about ballet apeases me. It really did it of me. Maybe something feeding my left brain and right brain at the same time. I was already inspired yesterday to quit the meds and try taking more responsability for my "thinking problem", but what just happened gives me even more inspiration to be strong, I really need to be there for my mom who is the one taking it the hardest. Thank you again so much, you've helped some stranger from the other side of the world to fall asleep peacefully after a very difficult experience.
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I'm very pleased you managed to find a way that works for you. Counting is good, because you have to think about the numbers.... and going to a 'happy place' (in your case, ballet) is a wonderful release from what ails you. Please, persevere. I will warn you now, it may not always work as well, and at other times it will work differently. but keep going. Every experience is an instant of personal introspective understanding. Well done you.
RuinedLife Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Just woke up in a panic again, thinking about my ex of course and how much I miss him and how deeply I still love him. Surely after 5 months I should be starting to feel better after the break up? But I feel almost as bad as I did immediately after the break up and I love my ex so much despite not seeing him in over 5 months and even knowing that he has long since moved on. Also doesn't help that I still despise myself for causing my break up and hate myself for being so pathetic and completely losing myself in the relationship. I just keep thinking over and over about all the things I could have done better to keep the relationship happier etc. I thought at the time I tried hard to keep my ex happy but now I just feel I let him and myself down all the time. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I do know I am at my wits end trying to deal with this insomnia and despair. I just feel so alone, so empty, so worthless and so hopeless..
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