Coping huh

[Rockyb87]

Long story short, i was with my ex for 10 months, not long i know but for me it was my longest relationship. Broke up around sept., about 9 months since we separated. Havent talked to her since feb. anyway i havent been myself lately, down mostly. Been going out, been with a few girls, hung out with friends but nothing seems to get my mind of her. Tried Nc, working out, going to school, joining a sports team, ran, but nothing seems to get my mind off this girl. Read somewhere that writing a letter to her and not sending it to her will help, but after reading what i wrote I felt that it does have meaning and that she should read it. Im not gonna lie I would want her to read it and by some miracle come back to me but by her choice. I'll post what i wrote in a few.

[Rockyb87]

Dear XXXXXX,

Im not gonna lie, for the past few months I've been sad and lonely because of the breakup between me and you. I dont know why I hold on for so long, my heart is saying" I still love you but my mind says let it go. My mind and heart are in a constant battle and my heart is winning. Did I truly love you? Yes I did and I believe I still do. But I dont want to be with you, you hurt me, not physically but internally. I know its not your fault, you were hurt once by another and I tried to convice you otherwise thats its ok. I was there for you, I did show you that you can love another, but there was a price to pay, not for you but for me. I paid by loving you and not realizing that by doing so I would lose you. I shouldve said " I rather be your friend and be there for you to help you get through you break up and if so when I knew when you were ready ask you out. But no my heart wanted more. This what the price I paid. A broken heart. I dont regret being with you at all, the times I spent with you, were the best times I've ever had. Laughing, kissing, making love hold each other, telling each other I love you. I cherish these now and forever. The best part of it all was that for those few minutes of me going to you house, heart racing because of the sight of made my day in full. Even if it was for 5 mins, i got see you, it would make my day. Seeing your beautiful smile, your eyes and just you was worth it. and everytime we kissed I felt love. but its over and its been over for a long time and I must move on. Times have changed and Im pretty sure theyve changed for you as well. For me Im still that kid who says hes a nerd, that gets dizzy on rides, loves spider-man, but hates spiders. But im not a kid Im a Man a gentleman who would do anything for the person they love even if it means letting them go. I dont expect you to change your mind about breaking up with me or be convinced to be with me again, it would be nice if that was the case, but this is reality. I just wanted you to hear me out and remember who I was before than the person I was towards the end.