6yr relationship ended 3mo NC Finaly got closure. Need your thought

[loverboy1984]

I havent been on here for awhile but thought I share my story again and how it resolved.

 

Story

Been in a 6yr relationship, currently LDR since both of us are across country in grad school. Everything was great besides stupid arguements we would have. One day all the sudden I get a premonition that she is kissing someone. text her and asked her about it and she admitted she just did it right before my text. I forgave her but she asked for a break. I was confused about this break and was studying for my medical lisencing exam (which is a big deal) I was afraid she would break up with me after the break and before my test so I made her decide and she said its over. Never gave a good reason. I got upset and told her shes out of my life and went NC. I was in alot of pain as I studied yet I wanted her back. After my test I texted her and congratulated her on finishing her semester. She sent a text back congradulating me on taking my test and said she would call me the next day when she moved. She never did. 10 days later she calls but I ignore it. then a week later I texted her and asked for closure. so she called and we talked for 3 hours.

 

What she told me as part of the closure

-She told me breaking up was hard but she felt like she couldnt love me the way I deserved to be loved and that the hurt we have caused each other would not allow us to have a healthy relationship. She admitted that what she did to me as an @$$hole thing to do. She said she lost herself by being with me and needed time to find her self. She admitted she still loves me but not in love with me and trying to get over me. She also said she is dating the guy she kissed and cheated on me with.

My take on what she told me

Our relationship was not bad. I took a break from her awhile back but kept her in the loop. I was doing my rotations in med school and needed to take a few steps back and look at myself. I knew I would be with her. She was apparently hurt by this but after a month we got back and everything was fine. Then she went to grad school and a new social scene, new friends, and she does this. I think it was GIGS. I was going to propose to her next summer. I think her reasons are excuses and rationalizations after the fact. She knew I was committed, she knows I love her, and she had the love and support of my family. She is not dating a guy in her school who has recently come out of an engagement and a 1 yr relationship. I feel like her reasons are excuses since she always told me she wanted to marry me and how I was such a good guy who respected her individuality and space. She told me now that she cant be in a relationship so she can find her self yet shes dating someone. when i confronted her about this statement she says she learns about her self through others. I think shes confused and is needy. She needs a guy. All her relationships have been back to back.

 

What do you guys think about her reasons? do you think it was all because of this new guy? if things dont work out would she regret doing this?

 

Bottom line I dont want her back anymore. She is not at my level of maturity even though she is a yr older. I think someone who almost sabotaged me at the most critical moment of my life while I was studying for my test, doesnt make a good life partner.

 

I just hope one day she regrets what she does and comes back so I can say no thanks.

[Pikachu]

I think she is going through G.I.G.S. She doesn't know what she is thinking and is probably as confused about the whole thing as you. My exe said she had to find herself and then started dating the guy she cheated on me with days after we split. I sat around wondering what power the guy had over her, how could the woman I know change so much so fast. It makes no sense at all and for months ive been trying to figure it out but finally Ive realized it doesnt really matter. I find it amusing that the dumper always says they have to find themselves but in most cases the dumpee is the one to work on themselves. The dumper is so concerned with having a good time that they never reflect on the relationship and end up making the same mistakes all over again. So it pains me to let my exe go but I know ill be much happier then her in the long run. Im not gonna lie though. Like you I hope for the day that she comes back to me and tells me she regrets everything she did to me.

[loverboy1984]

Thanks buddy.

 

Yea I have worked on myself and become a better person. She claims she needs to not be in a relationship but she is dating someone. She was with me a month before she left for school and was so happy. She came over from her house a week early just to be there when I came home. I asked her how come you were so happy then and all the sudden you had to break up. She said its because she was forcing herself. We celebrated 6yrs shortly before she broke up. I think she is rationalizing her decision telling me she couldnt love me the way I deserved.

 

I want her to come back so I can tell her that her reasons were BS and say no thanks its too late.

[Pikachu]

Thanks buddy.

 

Yea I have worked on myself and become a better person. She claims she needs to not be in a relationship but she is dating someone. She was with me a month before she left for school and was so happy. She came over from her house a week early just to be there when I came home. I asked her how come you were so happy then and all the sudden you had to break up. She said its because she was forcing herself. We celebrated 6yrs shortly before she broke up. I think she is rationalizing her decision telling me she couldnt love me the way I deserved.

 

I want her to come back so I can tell her that her reasons were BS and say no thanks its too late.

 

My exe started listing the most ridiculous reasons for our split after she had already decided it was over. Looking back I now know she was grasping at straws, trying to justify her actions. Things in our sex life had died down considerably due to a hormonal problem she has but we made love a few days before the split. Afterwards I asked why she bothered if she had already made up her mind and she said the same thing your exe said to you. She was forcing herself, a last ditch effort. Honestly it still pisses me off today. Im still in a strange place cause at this point in my life if she came back I doubt I could be as strong as you and tell her its to late. But I wont be seeing her for a long time so I doubt I have to worry about it.

[loverboy1984]

I feel for you. My break up took a real toll on me. Im a 3rd yr medical student and was studying for my board exam and this happened before my test. This test determines if and what kind of doctor I can be. I did alot to cope. I knew from the begining without her telling me that she did it because she got attracted to someone there and wanted to enjoy her new environment. Its was so unbelievable to me how someone who I have been with for 6 yrs could drop me so cheaply. So when I asked her after 3 months she told me so many things then briefly mentioned the guy shes dating as if that wasnt the reason. How can someone start dating so fast? Im a guy and been with almost a hundred women and cant get myself to date anyone right now because Im so hurt. Even though im 95% better now I still feel like its too soon.