Jetsker Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I'm new to this site and read over a few others trying to get a gauge for my situation, but every situation is entirely different. I'm just looking for reactions mostly, maybe prove that I'm not insane. We've been dating just over a year now. In the beginning we were almost inseparable. We met at sporting event, me the player, her working the grounds and serving at the sports pitch. This means that just about every weekend there is a game and after a big party at one of the bars around town. Last year when this started she always wanted to come and go to the bars with me and hang out. She has worked at the pitch for a few years and has gotten to know the team that uses it very well. So much so that she's only slept with 4 people and two of them are from that team, both drunk. Neither of us were saints before meeting however she kept hers to making out on the dance floor where I would usually end up in bed with mine... We've talked about one guy (guy A) from the other team who I'm not a fan of at all. He's in (was) a 6 year relationship and was always out trying to pick up anything he could at the bar. Sometimes though my GF would get late night texts "making sure she got home okay". I've told here a few times I was not okay with this and she said that she would deal with it. We went from being inseparable at these weekend events to over the last two months we've come home with an argument just about every weekend. She would get very drunk (never had an issue with this, I've known about it from the beginning and it was okay back then) and find reasons not to be around me. We used to dance all the time and now she's always looking for her girlfriends after a dance or two... however the girlfriends being single like to go dance with the other team I mentioned and she always ends up around the particular guy I am not fond of... I don't think I'm overly jealous, I love to see her having a good time and don't mind that a guy wants to take her out and spin her around on the dance floor (I'm not very good at it haha). However the two weeks have been over the top. One guy (Guy B) came from the team, pronounced his love for her and pulled her to the ground with him all the while trying to kiss her... I heard about this lost it and left the party but not before I made sure she saw me glaring at her... Not my best move but I was drunk too. I heard later that earlier one guy (Guy C) said "My ex walked in, kiss me" which she did as well. Then the next week after vowing to make an effort we went to the bar... We danced a while and she starts looking for her friends again... I was about to storm off got half way down the stairs and came back up. She was on the dance floor with Guy A and after 5 minutes they were doing quite a dance. I stayed just to see how far it would go. At one point she playfully grabbed his ass and at another he leaned in to kiss her and she didn't do much to stop it... We're both very young (22) and I've said a few times, "If you want to just party that is fine, but not like that. And if you want to party like that, then it won't be with me looking like an idiot on the sideline." She at one point confessed she wasn't sure which she rather wanted and so we took a few weeks... We've gotten back together since and she's told me I'm what she wants. This weekend is another big party and I'm just worried... Sorry for the HUGE post... even if you don't bother to read it I just wanted another outlet to get this off my chest. Cheers and Thanks in advance J
Professor X Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Sorry buddy, but you are insane. Insane for staying with her. Insane for letting her stomp all over you. Insane for letting her humiliate you in front of those you know in the club. I think it's time for you to man up and tell her to get lost. Sorry, but you said she kissed guy A. Alternatively, you better be honest with her and tell her the truth and it's that she needs to stop partying because she can't control her alcohol problem other than just not be in places that serve it. Because let's face it, you're not okai with her partying, because you know that when she parties, she gets drunk, when she gets drunk, she exchanges fluids with other men - and she can't have a party with being drunk. Either way one has to go. I'm afraid she'll be the one who leaves with either choice you make.
Author Jetsker Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 It's just frustrating. When we first met she would do the same kind of drinking and it was me she couldn't get enough of. That still holds true when she's sober, which is the frustrating part.
Professor X Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Oh man, I had so many typos in my first post, it's getting late here :-\ Anyway, I think she just wants to party, she isn't really ready for a RS.
rafallus Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 It's just frustrating. When we first met she would do the same kind of drinking and it was me she couldn't get enough of. That still holds true when she's sober, which is the frustrating part. Her attention span on you just became over. She moved on to other guys. It's DEAD.
PegNosePete Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 How do you think she would react if you went off dancing with other girls, grabbed their asses, and kissed them? She has no respect for you. Get rid and find someone who will respect you.
whammy Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 man up and take control of your life. tell her to go to rehab or your done. I know that seems drastic but it is your life... every second you spend not being happy = wasting your life. you only life once. if you dont take your life seriously then why would she. she is doing whatever she wants to and and is being rewarded. stop being weak.
mark78 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I'm in the same situation mate, feel for you as I can tell you care about her and im the same. Mine also is amazing until we go out drinking, in the beginning we used to go out and have an amazing time but up until 2 weeks ago we went out and she was dancing around the men and i suppose i was drunk too and must have thought sack this im off and went home, turned out she ended up getting a taxi with a man going back to his and she will only admit to kissing and that the guy tried to sleep with her but she felt guilty and got out of their. I will never know the truth but my gut now tells me in the year we have been going out, this probably wasnt the first time as in the beginning i heard story's but i pushed them aside as i liked her so much. once the drink is envolved shes a different person, one thing i hate is i will never know the truth, she gets that wasted she might not even remmeber. Hope it works out for you mate.
Sivok Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 After I found out my ex had cheated on me, I made sure to change my mentality in relationships. Here's my golden rule - Woman talk, and talk alot. Don't judge your girl by her words, but strictly by her actions. If you don't, you'll be with someone you placed a fantasy cover over which seems like your dream girl. Don't raise your rose colored glasses either - you're way out of the honeymoon phase, obviously she isn't going to be as insanely attached to you. Go off what you're seeing, not what you're hearing. Do this, and truly assess your gf, then get back to me with your answer. Trust me on this. Oh, and by the way, there's a very high chance that she has already cheated on you. You believe whatever she says, so she can easily get away with it. Man it up brother
Author Jetsker Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 It's just been me trying to put things out of sight... I saw them but just wanted to pretend that it was me being silly. I've confronted her on them and she replies that she's been friends with them forever and that she has so much respect for Guy B with everything he's been through... Which I said was B.S. Where is the respect for me? But next morning I get the apology and turn into some quivering lip kid ready to make up because it was a one time thing. Hurts the most is we've been talking marriage for a long time until all of a sudden this started happening. I have the ring and everything. I just need someone to validate me because everyone I know turns around and talks about the good times and making it work or at the worst, they say it's something I'll have to decide I can work through. Kind of hoping to have a few female perspectives. I don't have the mind of a woman and it would be nice just to hear what they think is going. They do have better insight in to what a girl may or may not be thinking. I hate thinking that every time she may have gone out to some party before this is exactly what has been going on. The one night that I saw her kissing Guy A I walked over and later and called him on it. It took me a while to compose myself because I do think I would have done something drastic right away and I don't think that would look good on my Police Application that I'm starting bar fights haha.
PegNosePete Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Dude. Do not marry this woman whatever you do. She is definitely not marriage material. She is disrespectful towards you and she is making a fool out of you. You need to GET RID ASAP.
rafallus Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 (d) She is doing this because her interest level is declining and she no longer sees you as the dominant alpha male you once were. Cardinal Rule of relationships: whoever cares LESS has more power. It already declined to hell. I'd seriously advise you to not marry her. You've seen how she acts when **** hits the fan - she gives you wishy-washy irrelevant crap excuses (respect for everything he's been through drives her to make out with the guy? Sure! I have three space shuttle launch sites all over US, too!)
Bryanp Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Return the ring and try to get your money back. She is way too immature and has shown she has very little respect for you and your relationship. She is playing you for a fool. If you marry her then she would be absolutely correct. If she is playing around on your before you are married what do you think will happen when things get tough in a marriage? In addition, she apparently has no problem constantly getting drunk. What is wrong with this picture? Please move on and find someone much better which should not be difficult.
whammy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 After I found out my ex had cheated on me, I made sure to change my mentality in relationships. Here's my golden rule - Woman talk, and talk alot. Don't judge your girl by her words, but strictly by her actions. If you don't, you'll be with someone you placed a fantasy cover over which seems like your dream girl. Don't raise your rose colored glasses either - you're way out of the honeymoon phase, obviously she isn't going to be as insanely attached to you. Go off what you're seeing, not what you're hearing. Do this, and truly assess your gf, then get back to me with your answer. Trust me on this. Oh, and by the way, there's a very high chance that she has already cheated on you. You believe whatever she says, so she can easily get away with it. Man it up brother So true! Judge a woman by her actions and only her actions and you will never be confused. So many guys dont love who their wives/gf really are. They love these women (sometimes for years) as some combination of who they their wives/gfs to be combined with who they are at their best and ignore/ dont see the truth. See the real her and dont be afraid to accept it.
whammy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 (a) If you want more attention more your girlfriend, stop being so available all the time. Unconditional love eclipses attraction and serves as a catalyst for extinguishing the "spark" and sexual tension of a relationship. (b) Be WANTED by other women. Women want guys that other women want. The best way to revive a dying relationship is to be revamp the amount of social proof you have. © You must be an Oak Tree. Learn to control your emotions. Jealousy is only there to fu* with you. Laugh every time she tries to use jealousy to get your attention. (d) She is doing this because her interest level is declining and she no longer sees you as the dominant alpha male you once were. Cardinal Rule of relationships: whoever cares LESS has more power. (e) You are only 22, don't let psychological dependency or over attachment hamper your development as a man. This is dead on. I cant count the number of times that I have tried to give a advice to friends with waning gfs. I try to tell them something along the lines of "being a good boyfriend is usually a losing battle." but I have never been able to verbalize or explain as well as you just did.
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