fellforher Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 My GF and I have a relationship where we are best friends. We both admitted this over and over and that we both love each other. The problem is that for a while due to some medication, i lost my sex drive and hers is very strong..she took this as us being sexually incompatible and told me she needed a break from it. This was towards the end of the year. It was the only thing that caused stress in our relationship. I since figured out the problem and fixed it but she had lost attraction to me. She still valued the friendship so much that she was afraid to tell me that and we continued on in this weird limbo. I asked her about it, and she said that I could do what I wanted but if I ended up with someone else it would upset her very much. The problem is that we continued to talk everyday and she helped me out when i was going through family issues and was there for me. She was everything that I could want in a companion. It is almost like we feel each other's pain and our communication is incredible. The only issue was our intimacy. I wanted to try and meet another girl and move on, but I could not do it..even when I had a beautiful girl from a chance meeting obviously interested in me I left her by herself because I wanted to work things out with my love. During this time we were not intimate and I was not with anyone else..she didn't spend the night as much, and i felt like I didn't have a GF in the way that I wanted. When I brought it up, she asked if I just hung out with her for sex, and I told her no.I hung out with her because I loved being with her very much. She had been treated poorly by an ex who did that in the past, so there are issues there. I knew this coming in and I was ok with it because we both knew we had something together and I accepted her for who she is. But now she ended whatever "it" was last night. She told me that she did not see me in that way and was not sure if she was repressing feelings. She is deathly afraid that I will not talk to her anymore and she will lose her best friend. I do not know what to do because normally I would be gone and it's over..but this is very hard for me to do with her. She is still pretty new to the area and I care so much about this girl that I can't just shut her out. It is just sad that we have such an awesome relationship and she has lost her attraction to me..it is pretty crushing to be honest. I thought when your GF was your best friend that meant you had found your soulmate..so it makes it even tougher to deal with. I am into my 30s and feel like I finally met the right girl after being patient and wading through the bad ones. I am not sure what to do..i left this morning, and literally ran out of her place so she would not see me sobbing like a child in my car. Im a grown man acting this way because I feel so much love and emotion for this girl. I feel like the only way she will know for sure what I am to her is to stop contact for a while, but it is hard because it almost feels mean. I understand the concept of no contact, have successfully done it in the past and this time it is different. Even though it is the right thing to do, I honestly have trouble walking away from this girl who I have loved and spent so much time with over the past few years. It just doesnt feel right to me, and it feels like I am being a horrible person. I miss my girl, feel pretty awful and am not sure what to do next.
Author fellforher Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 I respect your posts. I read the one you made about the grass is greener and it was nice, but it did not seem like you went NC right after the breakup. You still were there for her and did some things for her, but I understand what you are saying. She just texted and asked how I was. I obviously have not responded. I get the concept and everything, I just have this feeling in my gut that I am not doing it right. Like I should at least tell her that I believe she needs her own space to figure things out and we need to not talk for a while. It just seems harsh to shut her down like this without saying anything and then never talk to her again....I don't know if I can do that..it just seems extreme, but maybe I am being an idiot.
carhill Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) She told me that she did not see me in that way and was not sure if she was repressing feelings. She is deathly afraid that I will not talk to her anymore and she will lose her best friend. Interesting that it's all about her. Telling, actually. I like the 'dangler'; not sure if she's repressing feelings. Expert. Sounds sincere. If you move in the same social circles, beware of her mourning period being brief and, miraculously, another 'best friend' appearing on her arm. That stopwatch has been ticking for awhile, IMO. Try this: Don't contact her (It's 'over') and, if/when she contacts you, regale her with some interesting anecdotes from your life. Listen. That's where 'friend' is defined. You'll see clearly after a few of those encounters, one way or another, if she is really *your* friend. Good luck 'I'm feeling pretty down right now but I accept that you don't care about me as a boyfriend anymore. It's time to broaden my horizons' To me, acceptance is key to healing and growth. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. Accepted. Edited June 14, 2011 by carhill
Author fellforher Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Well that makes sense. She has called and texted again..says she wishes I would talk to her..it is like I broke up with her or something..I don't get it. I feel bad blowing her off forever..it just seems wrong in the context of our relationship. I am not saying I need to talk to her all the time or something stupid. I just feel like I should tell her why I am doing this. I want her to know what she wants and be happy and see what it is like without me. She can't have me on call when she wants anymore. This is a really tough day for me.. I'm starting to lose it.
geegirl Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Well that makes sense. She has called and texted again..says she wishes I would talk to her..it is like I broke up with her or something..I don't get it. I feel bad blowing her off forever..it just seems wrong in the context of our relationship. I am not saying I need to talk to her all the time or something stupid. I just feel like I should tell her why I am doing this. I want her to know what she wants and be happy and see what it is like without me. She can't have me on call when she wants anymore. This is a really tough day for me.. I'm starting to lose it. There is no harm in telling her why you can't be friends and that you need to go on NC. Since you both are on good terms and it's just unfortunate that it can't work out, it would help the two of you to end amicably by you stating your position and gracefully removing yourself.
Author fellforher Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Thank you guys for this advice. I wish I could delete this thread now to be honest..just because I don't want it out on the web. I am going to do exactly what you guys said.
Author fellforher Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Wow..thank you for sharing that and your advice. I wrote and told her that I wanted her to find herself and be happy and that I would always love her, but I needed my space. She wrote back that she respected my need for space, she was sorry to have hurt me and would always be there for me. awful day..just serious pain for me.
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