Kathyy28 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Tomorrow is going to be 4 weeks since he broke up with me, and on Friday it is going to be 4 weeks that I've kept NC. The first week was hard, but then it got easier and now this past week and a half it's been the worst! I've came to find out this past weekend that he went back to some girl who he have virtually known for over 10 years. Me and him have known each other for 12 and been best friends for 10, and dated for almost a year. He had broken up with me before on Vday and had also gone back to rekindling their friendship, and now that he has done it again after promising me that even if we were to break up she was officially out of his life makes me feel like what we had was never important. That she is and will always be that special girl who he will always come back to. I don't know how he could chose some cyber relationship with girl who he has NEVER met in person, over that special something that me and him shared. He was the one who recently had mentioned the possibilities of marriage, he was the one who has mentioned the idea of us moving in together sometime next year. I just don't understand his change of heart. I apologize for venting but I decided to write this on here instead of writing it to him instead. Plus all of my family and friends are getting sick of me talking about him lol.
TheVSilent Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 NC is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I too got dumped 4 weeks ago, but I have not completely stayed faithful to the idea of NC and have slipped up in the last week or so. I can tell you this, as the person being dumped, when they go cold and NC on you it is much easier because they are already at the point of moving on. See we still think maybe they will see the light no matter what and we grab at nothing and hold onto memories, when really we need to be helping ourselves. I will never quite fully understand how somebody that cared for you so much could completely cut you out of their life in a instant, this is the hardest thing to accept when being dumped, so I understand what you're going through, but stay strong! If things are meant to be they will work themselves out, I have been told this and now I believe this is true. Work on yourself, and maybe there is something special ahead, that is the type of hope that drives me.
leoc1973 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 As a man who has been a dumper and a dumpee. I can't figure out what goes on in a womans head I was broke up with 6 weeks ago I keep doing nc and every 2 weeks she tells me how much she misses me and how hard this is on her. I say lets get back together then and she just says we don't belong together and goes back to nothing. I am probably being strung along but here is some advice on how a man's brain works. If that is your picture then you are very attractive. That is huge because when I was the dumper I broke up with a very attractive woman. In my head I was done with her and wanted nothing to do with her. I don't know why I guess she just tried too hard or something but I had zero interest in her. Ok so about 3 weeks go by I was seeing a girl whom I was crazy about. One day I found out that the first girl met someone and had a few dates with. I called her and she told me there was no going back she was moving on. All that went on in my head is that I lost this beautiful woman and started visualizing her sleeping with this new guy. I felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. I mean this is a girl that I wanted nothing to do with. I tried everything to talk her out of this "new guy" she just kept telling me that she wanted to see where it was gonna go. All I kept thinking is that she wanted to see how good he was going to be in bed first. In the end I ended up winning her from this other guy and we ended up together for 6 years. A few months later she said I have something to tell you. I was like ut oh what? She said she had made up that other guy he never existed. So my advice to you is let him find out that there is another guy even if you have to go on a dating website or something to have coffee with someone. Cause I don't care what people tell you when it comes to getting a guy there is nothing more powerful than jealousy. If its right or wrong who cares. I got played by my ex and still had a loving 6 year relationship with her until she ended it. Good luck and remember all is fair.
LjHappyDays Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Leoc1973 - This is a very valid point, i was out on the weekend and my ex saw me - i was playing pool with my friend and two guys, just having a laugh nothing else involved. My ex came over to me and was like - 'You look fit blah blah blah , i miss you' then he said i was 'rubbing it in his face' but i wasnt i was playing pool talking to guys and he didnt like it. Yet when the day we split up he was with a girl whom i absolutely cannot stand becos of my own reasons i didnt say anything... hhmmmm NOT fair. You cannot ever say you do not miss and ex, because you always do and will. Spending a long time with somebody is a big thing and you can never erase feelings once you have felt them.
Author Kathyy28 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 NC is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I too got dumped 4 weeks ago, but I have not completely stayed faithful to the idea of NC and have slipped up in the last week or so. I can tell you this, as the person being dumped, when they go cold and NC on you it is much easier because they are already at the point of moving on. See we still think maybe they will see the light no matter what and we grab at nothing and hold onto memories, when really we need to be helping ourselves. I will never quite fully understand how somebody that cared for you so much could completely cut you out of their life in a instant, this is the hardest thing to accept when being dumped, so I understand what you're going through, but stay strong! If things are meant to be they will work themselves out, I have been told this and now I believe this is true. Work on yourself, and maybe there is something special ahead, that is the type of hope that drives me. The only problem is that even if my ex truly do regret his decision and would wish to be back with me he would never make the 1st move cause his pride wont let him :-/. But you're right. I've been trying to tell myself the same thing, if things are meant to be they will work themselves out. If his pride is the only thing coming between "true love" right now, then it tells me that the love he had for me wasn't real. I chose him over my pride plenty of times. It's time for him to do the same right?
Cheem Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 As a man who has been a dumper and a dumpee. I can't figure out what goes on in a womans head I was broke up with 6 weeks ago I keep doing nc and every 2 weeks she tells me how much she misses me and how hard this is on her. I say lets get back together then and she just says we don't belong together and goes back to nothing. I am probably being strung along but here is some advice on how a man's brain works. If that is your picture then you are very attractive. That is huge because when I was the dumper I broke up with a very attractive woman. In my head I was done with her and wanted nothing to do with her. I don't know why I guess she just tried too hard or something but I had zero interest in her. Ok so about 3 weeks go by I was seeing a girl whom I was crazy about. One day I found out that the first girl met someone and had a few dates with. I called her and she told me there was no going back she was moving on. All that went on in my head is that I lost this beautiful woman and started visualizing her sleeping with this new guy. I felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. I mean this is a girl that I wanted nothing to do with. I tried everything to talk her out of this "new guy" she just kept telling me that she wanted to see where it was gonna go. All I kept thinking is that she wanted to see how good he was going to be in bed first. In the end I ended up winning her from this other guy and we ended up together for 6 years. A few months later she said I have something to tell you. I was like ut oh what? She said she had made up that other guy he never existed. So my advice to you is let him find out that there is another guy even if you have to go on a dating website or something to have coffee with someone. Cause I don't care what people tell you when it comes to getting a guy there is nothing more powerful than jealousy. If its right or wrong who cares. I got played by my ex and still had a loving 6 year relationship with her until she ended it. Good luck and remember all is fair. That's really interesting... I think I may want my ex back and I dumped HER. Yes, she's more attractive than my current girlfriend and she has started seeing someone else recently so maybe I'm just jealous. Are us guys really so shallow as to be driven so much my the way a woman looks? Enough to want them back after dumping them because at the time you really really didn't want them then???
Author Kathyy28 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 As a man who has been a dumper and a dumpee. I can't figure out what goes on in a womans head I was broke up with 6 weeks ago I keep doing nc and every 2 weeks she tells me how much she misses me and how hard this is on her. I say lets get back together then and she just says we don't belong together and goes back to nothing. I am probably being strung along but here is some advice on how a man's brain works. If that is your picture then you are very attractive. That is huge because when I was the dumper I broke up with a very attractive woman. In my head I was done with her and wanted nothing to do with her. I don't know why I guess she just tried too hard or something but I had zero interest in her. Ok so about 3 weeks go by I was seeing a girl whom I was crazy about. One day I found out that the first girl met someone and had a few dates with. I called her and she told me there was no going back she was moving on. All that went on in my head is that I lost this beautiful woman and started visualizing her sleeping with this new guy. I felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. I mean this is a girl that I wanted nothing to do with. I tried everything to talk her out of this "new guy" she just kept telling me that she wanted to see where it was gonna go. All I kept thinking is that she wanted to see how good he was going to be in bed first. In the end I ended up winning her from this other guy and we ended up together for 6 years. A few months later she said I have something to tell you. I was like ut oh what? She said she had made up that other guy he never existed. So my advice to you is let him find out that there is another guy even if you have to go on a dating website or something to have coffee with someone. Cause I don't care what people tell you when it comes to getting a guy there is nothing more powerful than jealousy. If its right or wrong who cares. I got played by my ex and still had a loving 6 year relationship with her until she ended it. Good luck and remember all is fair. Leo, thank you so much for your reply. It definitely made me smile and at the same time gave me some hope. It's funny because I always believed in the quote all is fair in love and war, and I guess it's true. That is my picture, and thank you so much for the compliment . I have a question though, how long were you and the girl you lasted with for 6 more years together before you started seeing girl number 2? My ex and I were together for almost a year. This post does give me hope since my ex bf is not really the best looking guy, so people were shocked when I decided to give him a shot. When he dumped me I know that all of his close friends told him that that was a stupid decision of him since I was a great catch. Plus while I was with him, I always made sure we had a fun and adventurous sex life, so maybe the thought of him seeing me with a guy will drive him crazy. Unfortunately I doubt that will bring him back to me, it might kill him with jealousy, but he is not the competitive guy. He would just accept the fact that I may have found someone else and just move on officially :-/
sunshine103 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 If his pride stops him from getting in touch with you and trying to work things out, then let him be. Do you really want to be with a guy like that? Also, I am a firm believer of: If you dump me and you want me back, you better take the initiative and prove to me you want me back. He wants to explore and see if the grass is greener on the other side. That's what it is. I wont be surprised if he tries out that cyberspace relationship and it doesn't work out, like most do, and he comes back crawling. Continue with NC, you're doing well!
GivenUp0083 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 It will get better. It's been almost 7 weeks since my ex dumped me. She broke NC after 4 weeks, I broke it again after 5 and a half. But all I needed was time and I feel much more over it. I've blocked her from everything, and I've officially deleted her phone number with no intention of ever speaking to her again. Here's what helped me: - Having friends there to talk about it - I wrote a big long email (that I never sent) to her saying EVERYTHING I wanted to get off my chest. I would update it and add to it whenever something else came up that was bothering me. - I did everything I could to stay busy. I worked out for about 2 hours a day after work to keep my mind occupied among other things. Not only did it help me keep my mind busy, but I lost 20 lbs and added quite a bit of muscle as well. (If my ex saw me she would be blown away). - I stayed away from alcohol. Even at parties I went to, I just wouldn't drink. It would end up depressing me at some point that night or in the morning and that was just not something I wanted, so I avoided it. I know it seems really hard right now, and I was even almost in tears a few times after a full month after my breakup, but eventually you won't care. You will learn to remind yourself how horrible the things he did and what you didn't like about him and why you're better off without him. Just keep telling yourself those things about him that disgust you and that will help you get over it to the point where you could care less what happens to him.
hearttopieces Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 That's really interesting... I think I may want my ex back and I dumped HER. Yes, she's more attractive than my current girlfriend and she has started seeing someone else recently so maybe I'm just jealous. Are us guys really so shallow as to be driven so much my the way a woman looks? Enough to want them back after dumping them because at the time you really really didn't want them then??? Maybe you are jealous, or maybe you simply realized you lost a great woman? Of course it is not easy to be in this situation, but your current girlfriend's self-esteem would probably be totally crushed if she found out...
leoc1973 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 You are welcome for the compliment. I guess what I am trying to say with the looks thing is that when you have a really good looking ex. you just know that there are guys circling her like hawks. That is just the way the world works. That is all I meant about the beautiful thing I did not mean to offend anyone. I guess it is just a lot more believable that she is already seeing someone. Don't tell him you are dating a couple guys just one cause if he thinks there are a couple of guys then he will know you aren't serious about anyone yet. There has to be one special guy that gives you "butterflies" and ya know what don't be afraid to tell him that. Believe me he is not going to be turned off no matter what people tell you all he is going to do is visualize you with your exciting sexuality doing those things with someone else. He will even worry that this guy will be a stud in the bedroom and you won't even want him back. I was single and didn't really want a girlfriend. I started dating girl no. 1(the ex) about 2 weeks before girl no. 2(the girl I was crazy about) was with her for about 3 months. I wasn't trying to be a player or anything I just really did not want a girlfriend I was still in my drinking with the boys phase. If this guy starts to come around take control of the situation, tell him that you wanna see where things are gonna go with "the new guy" that will also put a sexual thought in his head. Make him win you back, if he likes you he will try there is nothing that will keep a man away from a woman that he wants...it will consume him. Like I said you are attractive so there must be someone that is asking about you and yes all is fair!! I can't thank my ex enough for playing games with me... like I said I had a wonderful 6 year relationship with her and if she didn't end it I would probably loved her forever... I never even looked at other girls all I saw was people not anyone I would ever touch. I was completely fulfilled. All those get your ex back sites are full of crap with that make him jealous by being confident and attractive and all that stuff. There is no stronger power in a guy than jealousy. Little example, the ex friended a guy on facebook he was clearly gay but I went nuts googleing him checking all the social network sites. I actually broke out in hives. and I am not the jealous type I let her go to jamacia and new orleans with her friends and go out as much as she wants so not the type to even get jealous. But throw another guy in there and its crazy. Good luck and let me know how it turns out for you.
mtd4249 Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Hello Kathyy28 - Mike here from Australia ... I can really appreciate where you are coming from. Without boring you with all the gruesome details, it's now 5 months since my ex of 16 years took me by surprise and said she needed "space", then went back to a city where her family is and never returned. She seemed to detach herself very quickly - we didn't have kids but the 2 dogs she loved like children, but she managed to turn her back on them, on us, on the new house we built 3 years ago, on financial security, and a guy whose worst crime was devoting himself to her 100%. When someone you have known for a long time seems to suddenly change and they're no longer in your life, thoughts of what was and what might have been can take over every waking (and sleeping) moment! The bit where you said you felt okay one week and down the next is natural -- I've had moments where I thought I was on top of things and then overnight I have moments of depression & thinking about the past. It might be a dream about her or memories about building this house together -- but I realize these things are natural and part of the healing process, but they also need to be controlled. The real issue is that we need to concentrate on ourselves not on our exs -- and I'm really good at giving advice that I find hard to take myself!! lol ..... Maybe one day you will have some answers you want and by then you will be in a better space to process them. For now, though, try not to think about who your ex is seeing etc. Think about yourself ... you're the only person that matters right now!
Recommended Posts