Alan Guillermo Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) I was in a relationship for 2 Years, i just broke it off, I have serious jealousy issues and trust issues with my girlfriend, she's never cheated on me or really given me a reason to doubt her, for the most part we've always been up front with each other, we don't hide our phones from each other, we basically know each others emails and facebook password, not because we demanded it from each other but we've just told each other in the past. Heck we even have the same PIN for our bank account I've always told her i was a really jealous person and that i always had a problem with My previous Girlfriends having guy friends and texting them.. yes i know its a really bad problem because its only normal for men and women to communicate... But just recently i decided to go on her facebook for the first time, ( she would always be on it in front of me and showing me all this stuff, i would try not to pay attention because i knew very little things would get me mad ) So i went on and looked through some of her older posts from a couple of months back and noticed that she still talks to some of her guy friends from school, i knew she had more guy friends than girl friends, i mean most girls do nowadays anyway.. But anyways i felt betrayed because she's always told me she doesn't even have guy friends anymore and she doesn't even talk to them.. When she really did, she went out once or twice with some of her old guy friends from high school, along with her sister and some of her sisters friends, but she only mentioned she went with her sister and her sisters friends, she never bothered to mention that she was also going with a few old guy friends, which really bothered me.. Why didn't she tell me? she probably knew i would get really mad and probably start ignoring her.. I just wish she could have been more upfront and honest with me, even though i do get mad. I do tend to have a anger problem sometimes unfortunately. After what happened it's just hard to believe whats not a lie anymore, I mean i know she didn't lie with bad intentions, she says she was just trying to protect my feelings and she knew how i would react, i just feel like if you knew how i would react then why even go out with them if you know how i am?? I feel like shes been talking to guys this whole time and not mentioning it to me or at least not doing it while im there. She begs me to check her stupid phone bills so she can prove to me that she doesn't even communicate with them anymore and that it all stopped several months ago and that im the only guy she needs now.. I just find it hard to believe, i feel like if you can hide little things you can hide a lot more things, thats why it kills me, i feel like theres so much more she hasn't told me, she admitted that she still talked to her old guy friends on the phone very rarely, before we got together she would always tell me her group of friends was just her and one other girl and 3 other guys, she would always tell me they would always have a 4-way phone call and they would just all talk, but now that shes not friends with that certain girl anymore, its just a 3 way phone call now with her and 2 of her old guy friends, they call her really late at night sometimes which bothers me, this all stopped over 3-4 months ago, but i just still cant help but feel betrayed I also found a message on her facebook where a guy gave his number to her, and i asked if she ever texted him, i asked her dozens of times, i begged her to just tell me the truth, i told her i just wanted the truth and i didnt want another lie, i was literally going crazy.. and she swore she didn't , she even swore on her baby brothers life, so i thought for sure it was true, she said she never texted him so he shouldnt even have her number.......... she came over a few days later and i took her phone and texted that guy she swore she never texted when she wasnt looking, he replied saying hey whats up (Her name ), then and there i knew they have texted in the past, and she just lied to me.. that really hurt me a lot, i literally lost it and unfortunately started cursing at the top of my lungs to her i really felt like she deserved it at the moment, all she kept saying how sorry she was as she cried, she also mentioned this is why she never wanted to tell me, because she knew i would literally lose it and throw a tantrum.. It wouldnt have been a tantrum if she just was honest with me when i asked her! i just want the truth more than anything now it sucks being in doubt with the one you love after all this she deleted all of her contacts from her phone that are guys, and canceled her facebook account, i did not tell her to do any of this, she said she did it to PROVE she really doesnt need to be talking to any other guys besides me, and that all contact with her guy friends stopped a long time ago which is why i had to look several months back on her facebook to actually find something.. any word of advice? should i just leave her and move on? or am i overeacting over nothing.. I feel like i might need professional help, and my psychotic/jealous and angry behavior might be making her hide small things from me because she might be scared ill over react over something so small and just leave her... Shes seen me go crazy mad before and just throw some of my belongings around my room, i've never layed a hand on her though.. We love each other very much, but it just might not be true love Edited June 14, 2011 by Alan Guillermo
vsmini Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 You probably haven't had any replies because you say most of the stuff we would tell you, in your own post. You know you have a problem and to be honest - with your anger/jealousy issues you girlfriend shouldn't even be with you. She obviously lied because she didn't want to deal with you losing it. But if she has to lie in order to get by in a relationship then it's not a good idea. Either get yourself straight or break up with her and get yourself straight. Either way - you need to shape up because the same issues are going to follow you around.
Author Alan Guillermo Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 So i had no reason to over react? Could this really be all my fault? I still feel really betrayed
vsmini Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 So i had no reason to over react? Could this really be all my fault? I still feel really betrayed Well yes - a lie is a lie no matter what. So you have a right to be upset. I don't think it was grounds to get as angry as you made it sound though.
Author Alan Guillermo Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 (edited) If you had a boyfriend for 2 years who said he would never lie to you or didn't talk to girls anymore, and you find out that he has contacted women in the past when he said he wasn't, how exactly would you react? What if you find a message with a girl giving her number to your boyfriend, and your boyfriend swears he never texted her after asking him dozens of times, and then you find out he is lying.. then what? would you leave him? i mean in my situation shes erased all guy contacts from her phone and got rid of her facebook to show me she doesn't even need guy friends, and she insists i look through her phone bills to prove she hardly even communicated with them, all that alone makes me feel somewhat better knowing she's that confident, but still , lies hurt Edited June 15, 2011 by Alan Guillermo
Dusk1983 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 You are crushing the life out of her and your relationship. And unless you get help for these serious insecurity and trust issues, you'll end up doing this to your next girlfriend, and your next, and your next.
Professor X Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 (edited) If you had a boyfriend for 2 years who said he would never lie to you or didn't talk to girls anymore, and you find out that he has contacted women in the past when he said he wasn't, how exactly would you react? What if you find a message with a girl giving her number to your boyfriend, and your boyfriend swears he never texted her after asking him dozens of times, and then you find out he is lying.. then what? would you leave him? i mean in my situation shes erased all guy contacts from her phone and got rid of her facebook to show me she doesn't even need guy friends, and she insists i look through her phone bills to prove she hardly even communicated with them, all that alone makes me feel somewhat better knowing she's that confident, but still , lies hurt Not the same and you can't really compare, you might got here the same scenario as you described but with a completely different background. You have anger management issues, or control management issues, or both, therefor it's a must for her to lie to you in order to keep peace between the 2 of you for if she hadn't lie, you wouldn't accept her RIGHTS to have friends. I hope you are aware it's well within her rights to have friends, males ones too. She doesn't need your permission to have some. You need to work on yourself ASAP; You are currently in a lose-lose situation. If she tells you - you get mad, if she doesn't - you get mad (if you find out - which is why she's taking this risk, at least it gives her a 50-50 chance). 1 more thing: after all this she deleted all of her contacts from her phone that are guys, and canceled her facebook account, i did not tell her to do any of this, she said she did it to PROVE she really doesnt need to be talking to any other guys besides me, and that all contact with her guy friends stopped a long time ago which is why i had to look several months back on her facebook to actually find something.. I hope you know that you did tell her to do this; Actions speak louder than words - you mad = you tell her to stop all contact with all guys. Truth be told, I don't know what she's doing with you, you sound like a horrible control freak person. Edited June 15, 2011 by Professor X
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