Hard to move on

[Bito]

Its been about two weeks since i found out that my girlfriend had been cheating on me. And i still love her very much and having trouble forgetting about her.

 

Ill start from the beginning to put all the facts into perspective.

 

My Ex girlfriend and I met about a year and a half ago. We lived near each other growing up but never said a word until we met eachother through a mutual friend. We hooked up the night we met and started off as friends with benefits. We started to hang out a lot and realized we have a ton in common and after a couple weeks feel into a deep passionate love. At this point she was 18 and i was 19. Since we met while she was on holiday vacation she had to return to school which is about a 5 hour drive away. We agreed that we would try and make it work.

 

At the beginning of our relationship everything was wonderful. We took turns visiting each other while we both were in school. Looking back on this part is hardest for me since it brings up so many happy memories and everything seemed so incredible. Time seemed to fly by whenever we were with one another and both of us just wanted to be together at all times.

 

There was one incident about 5 months later when we took a vacation with a couple friends. On the car ride their she was being short with me and i yelled at her for the first time. What ensued was an absolutely terrible weekend. The first night, she took a handful of antidepressants to try and forget about the argument and keep happy for the vacation. At this point i was worried about her safety and stayed close to her for the night. Now at this point i contemplating whether or not we should just return home and work it out. But since we had friends their to we stayed the other night as well.

 

The next night was one of the worst nights of my life. I don't recall all the specifics but my girlfriend who drinks a fair amount normaly anyway drank herself into a rage. We were at a club when she flipped out because i was still upset from the previous night. I had to drag her back to the hotel with her screaming how she hates me. Lucky the hotel was only a block away but on the way a police officer came over to her screams. He could tell i was on the level and she was hysterical, so he let us go about our business.

 

One we got back to the hotel she ran from me to the elevator. I didn't feel like running after her but the elevator closed before i got there. I could hear the screams still as the elevator acceded up. Once i got to our floor i found her yelling in the hallway banging her head against our hotel room. I managed to calm her down slightly and drew a bath for her to calm her nerves. The hotel lobby manager knocked on the door and said he was about ready to call the police from all the complaints he was getting. At this point i had had enough and broke down in tears to him. He was a very understanding guy and told me i had to get out of this relationship. I should have listened...

 

The next morning we left for home in a silent car ride. When we got home my girlfriend said she remembers nothing from the previous night. I knew that wasnt entirely true but she blackouts rather often from her consistent drinking. She begged me not to leave her and i foolishly loved her so much agreed to forget it happened as long as there are no repeat incidents of anything like this.

 

After that she seemed to be a better girlfriend then ever and i fell even more deeply in love with her. So much so that on her birthday i gave her a promise ring. I was so sure i wanted to spend my whole life with this girl despite the fact she drinks fairly often and is very emotional. At the time is just seemed to be the thing i needed to do.

 

Life returned to the way it was and everything was wonderful. Summer vacation solidified that even more so since we spent every day together and it was the greatest time of my life. We went on a number of vacations enjoying each one more then the last and i felt so complete.

 

When my GF returned to school it was sad for both of us but we had made the distance work before and we were closer then ever now so i had no worries.

 

This is where things started to go downhill i think now looking back. I became complacent and happy with life and i stoped doing spontaneous things all the time. I also started to smoke a lot of weed since one of my buddies started to grow. My GF began to notice this and confronted me about it. I did not take it well because she drank almost as often as i was smoking and i never asked her to limit what she did. When i pointed this out she had no choice but to accept.

 

Now we fast forward to the beginning of this year. I am working 40 hours a week and going to school. I have very little free time as it is and wanted to spend it making music. I still talked to my girlfriend every day but sometimes just very briefly. I am unable to make the trip to see her as often as i used to and she ended up having to make the drive more then I. I was hoping she would be understanding of this considering i am working on a better future for us.

 

From this though she started drinking even more and partying about 4 to 6 nights a week. I did not want to control what she did since i just wanted her to be happy but it did bother me.

 

She also was haveing problems getting along with all of my close friends. She found out that almost none of them liked her and this upset her greatly. I reassured her that she was the only thing that mattered to me and even told my friends to accept her or to not hang out with me.

 

Now my GF started to become very distant with me and i knew something was wrong. I confronted her about it and she said she is just trying to find herself and that everything is ok. I stupidly accepted this answer. She recently also became even more attractive growing close to perfect features but i still thought she would never cheat on me.

 

Now I bring us to two weeks ago. She came home a few days before her birthday and stayed for only two days. She knew i wouldn't be able to come and visit the day of her birthday because of work and insisted it was ok. She left a day before her birthday. I got an email that night from an anonymous person. Told me my girlfriend has been ****ing a guy for about a month every day all the time. I imminently told my girlfriend to call me. She said no she was out. I told her to call me if she values are relationship at all and eventually she did.

 

When i confronted her about it she denied it. When i told her to go home Skype me and look into my eyes and say it she said i may have slept with someone once but it didn't mean anything. I was wrenched and heart broken. I wanted her to be sorry but she didnt seem to be. She just sat in silence. I broke it off that night over the phone and was devastated.

 

She called me the next day saying she was sorry and she just needed a break to find herself. weak excuse for a weak guy i guess...

 

Being on an emotional roller coaster a couple days later i asked to talk with her. I told her to choose between the new guy and me and presented her with an ultimatum. She initially refused but when i hung up she called back frantically saying i choose you. I made her unfriend him on facebook and we talked for about 6 hours that night.

 

When i told her i still love her she told me she felt like she put more into the relationship then i did. Wanting so much for things to go back to the way they were i promised i would try hard and eventually we ended the conversion well.

 

The next day we talked for a bit in the morning and everything seemed ok. A little later though she said she was going to go out and film for a project with one of her drinking friends. My GF just finished all her classes so i was sceptical. I called the friend who she said she was going out with and she did not answer. 15 minutes later my GF called me pissed as hell wondering why i called her friend. I told her that i wanted to know if what she said was true. She was angry and wouldn't text me for a few hours. When she did call me she said she wanted to pretened like everything was normal with her friends and that we still were not together. She said she was going to a party that night and that the guy she was ****ing before was going to be there. I made her promise nothing was going to happen on the memory of one of the people she loved most in her life and did but was furious and would not talk to me all night. I also told her to call me when she was on her way home. She never did.

 

The next morning i told her this was not going to work. She agreed and said she hopes that I call her after time has passed. I talked with some of her friends to get the truth out of what she had been doing. She had been with this guy for some time but this was not the first incident she cheated on me. Apparently there was a time a year before when she did to...

 

Despite all this i was not able to get her out of my head and move on. I even went to parties where i had opportunities to sleep with girls but i just couldn't do it.

 

Yesterday i had a huge moment of weakness and texted her cause i found out she came home. She refused to meet with me in person so i said

 

"I still love you more then anything in the world. I know you don't feel the same way anymore but i want u to know that we had was everything to me. I know u want to see who else is out there since you were never single and I understand. I guess talk to me when your ready."

 

She said thank you for giving me the space i need. Regret that massively but whats done is done.To me it seems like she has the grass is greener syndrome. She has almost all the symptom.

 

How can i move on with my life. I just cant stop thinking about her...

 

Any advice is welcome and thank you for taking the time to read.

Edited June 14, 2011 by Bito

[Royal Guy]

Its been about two weeks since i found out that my girlfriend had been cheating on me. And i still love her very much and having trouble forgetting about her.

 

Ill start from the beginning to put all the facts into perspective.

 

My Ex girlfriend and I met about a year and a half ago. We lived near each other growing up but never said a word until we met eachother through a mutual friend. We hooked up the night we met and started off as friends with benefits. We started to hang out a lot and realized we have a ton in common and after a couple weeks feel into a deep passionate love. At this point she was 18 and i was 19. Since we met while she was on holiday vacation she had to return to school which is about a 5 hour drive away. We agreed that we would try and make it work.

 

At the beginning of our relationship everything was wonderful. We took turns visiting each other while we both were in school. Looking back on this part is hardest for me since it brings up so many happy memories and everything seemed so incredible. Time seemed to fly by whenever we were with one another and both of us just wanted to be together at all times.

 

There was one incident about 5 months later when we took a vacation with a couple friends. On the car ride their she was being short with me and i yelled at her for the first time. What ensued was an absolutely terrible weekend. The first night, she took a handful of antidepressants to try and forget about the argument and keep happy for the vacation. At this point i was worried about her safety and stayed close to her for the night. Now at this point i contemplating whether or not we should just return home and work it out. But since we had friends their to we stayed the other night as well.

 

The next night was one of the worst nights of my life. I don't recall all the specifics but my girlfriend who drinks a fair amount normaly anyway drank herself into a rage. We were at a club when she flipped out because i was still upset from the previous night. I had to drag her back to the hotel with her screaming how she hates me. Lucky the hotel was only a block away but on the way a police officer came over to her screams. He could tell i was on the level and she was hysterical, so he let us go about our business.

 

One we got back to the hotel she ran from me to the elevator. I didn't feel like running after her but the elevator closed before i got there. I could hear the screams still as the elevator acceded up. Once i got to our floor i found her yelling in the hallway banging her head against our hotel room. I managed to calm her down slightly and drew a bath for her to calm her nerves. The hotel lobby manager knocked on the door and said he was about ready to call the police from all the complaints he was getting. At this point i had had enough and broke down in tears to him. He was a very understanding guy and told me i had to get out of this relationship. I should have listened...

 

The next morning we left for home in a silent car ride. When we got home my girlfriend said she remembers nothing from the previous night. I knew that wasnt entirely true but she blackouts rather often from her consistent drinking. She begged me not to leave her and i foolishly loved her so much agreed to forget it happened as long as there are no repeat incidents of anything like this.

 

After that she seemed to be a better girlfriend then ever and i fell even more deeply in love with her. So much so that on her birthday i gave her a promise ring. I was so sure i wanted to spend my whole life with this girl despite the fact she drinks fairly often and is very emotional. At the time is just seemed to be the thing i needed to do.

 

Life returned to the way it was and everything was wonderful. Summer vacation solidified that even more so since we spent every day together and it was the greatest time of my life. We went on a number of vacations enjoying each one more then the last and i felt so complete.

 

When my GF returned to school it was sad for both of us but we had made the distance work before and we were closer then ever now so i had no worries.

 

This is where things started to go downhill i think now looking back. I became complacent and happy with life and i stoped doing spontaneous things all the time. I also started to smoke a lot of weed since one of my buddies started to grow. My GF began to notice this and confronted me about it. I did not take it well because she drank almost as often as i was smoking and i never asked her to limit what she did. When i pointed this out she had no choice but to accept.

 

Now we fast forward to the beginning of this year. I am working 40 hours a week and going to school. I have very little free time as it is and wanted to spend it making music. I still talked to my girlfriend every day but sometimes just very briefly. I am unable to make the trip to see her as often as i used to and she ended up having to make the drive more then I. I was hoping she would be understanding of this considering i am working on a better future for us.

 

From this though she started drinking even more and partying about 4 to 6 nights a week. I did not want to control what she did since i just wanted her to be happy but it did bother me.

 

She also was haveing problems getting along with all of my close friends. She found out that almost none of them liked her and this upset her greatly. I reassured her that she was the only thing that mattered to me and even told my friends to accept her or to not hang out with me.

 

Now my GF started to become very distant with me and i knew something was wrong. I confronted her about it and she said she is just trying to find herself and that everything is ok. I stupidly accepted this answer. She recently also became even more attractive growing close to perfect features but i still thought she would never cheat on me.

 

Now I bring us to two weeks ago. She came home a few days before her birthday and stayed for only two days. She knew i wouldn't be able to come and visit the day of her birthday because of work and insisted it was ok. She left a day before her birthday. I got an email that night from an anonymous person. Told me my girlfriend has been ****ing a guy for about a month every day all the time. I imminently told my girlfriend to call me. She said no she was out. I told her to call me if she values are relationship at all and eventually she did.

 

When i confronted her about it she denied it. When i told her to go home Skype me and look into my eyes and say it she said i may have slept with someone once but it didn't mean anything. I was wrenched and heart broken. I wanted her to be sorry but she didnt seem to be. She just sat in silence. I broke it off that night over the phone and was devastated.

 

She called me the next day saying she was sorry and she just needed a break to find herself. weak excuse for a weak guy i guess...

 

Being on an emotional roller coaster a couple days later i asked to talk with her. I told her to choose between the new guy and me and presented her with an ultimatum. She initially refused but when i hung up she called back frantically saying i choose you. I made her unfriend him on facebook and we talked for about 6 hours that night.

 

When i told her i still love her she told me she felt like she put more into the relationship then i did. Wanting so much for things to go back to the way they were i promised i would try hard and eventually we ended the conversion well.

 

The next day we talked for a bit in the morning and everything seemed ok. A little later though she said she was going to go out and film for a project with one of her drinking friends. My GF just finished all her classes so i was sceptical. I called the friend who she said she was going out with and she did not answer. 15 minutes later my GF called me pissed as hell wondering why i called her friend. I told her that i wanted to know if what she said was true. She was angry and wouldn't text me for a few hours. When she did call me she said she wanted to pretened like everything was normal with her friends and that we still were not together. She said she was going to a party that night and that the guy she was ****ing before was going to be there. I made her promise nothing was going to happen on the memory of one of the people she loved most in her life and did but was furious and would not talk to me all night. I also told her to call me when she was on her way home. She never did.

 

The next morning i told her this was not going to work. She agreed and said she hopes that I call her after time has passed. I talked with some of her friends to get the truth out of what she had been doing. She had been with this guy for some time but this was not the first incident she cheated on me. Apparently there was a time a year before when she did to...

 

Despite all this i was not able to get her out of my head and move on. I even went to parties where i had opportunities to sleep with girls but i just couldn't do it.

 

Yesterday i had a huge moment of weakness and texted her cause i found out she came home. She refused to meet with me in person so i said

 

"I still love you more then anything in the world. I know you don't feel the same way anymore but i want u to know that we had was everything to me. I know u want to see who else is out there since you were never single and I understand. I guess talk to me when your ready."

 

She said thank you for giving me the space i need. Regret that massively but whats done is done.To me it seems like she has the grass is greener syndrome. She has almost all the symptom.

 

How can i move on with my life. I just cant stop thinking about her...

 

Any advice is welcome and thank you for taking the time to read.

 

Some people want rockstars who are doing concert 24 x 7 x 365. Lifes more than just drinking and partying, I guess she needs to learn that. Even my GF wanted to party all throughout the life, but even I like taking breaks and halts. That was one of the reason she walked over my emotions and took off. I know meeting with your beloved every now and then, sex and partying is so cool but if those things turn into a reason for parting, well that person was actually never with you. They were exploring the wrong part of you and were just trying to be with that one.

 

She cheated on you twice and you still accepted her, hats off but trust me that space that you gave her its its gonna tear from both the ends and turn into a wide hole. Exactly same thing happened with me man, she had another guy, she wanted space, she got it ( just like you always blindly trusted her even I did ) and today I cry for her and shes partying with that guy. She tries to contact me and wants to be my "BEST FRIEND" but that sounds like an insult to me now ( not coz of ego issue, but she totally cheated on me, left me heartbroken and actually left abruptly and wants to be a BEST FRIEND as if nothing ever happened.

 

Buddy, don't live on hopes, it only hurts. If something good happens, great but if it doesn't go as you like try to hold yourself together. Just feel like she was an unwanted spectacle and you have 6/6 vision and now that shes off you, world seems like a better place to live. Easier said then done, but thats how I am trying to cope up.

 

I hope you find peace of heart and mind.

[Bito]

thanks for the insight my man. Deep down I know I'm better off. Just have to keep reminding myself of that

[Bito]

A little update.

 

Ive been working very hard to remove her from the pedestal that i placed her on in my mind. I still think about her all the time but it doesn't hurt as much now. Which i think is tremendous progress.

 

I also found a little solace from another source. Her best friend called me saying she is absolutely driving her crazy. She is even more bitter and mean then usual. She made a fool of herself at a party and her best friend is going to leave her a friend because of her narcissistic attitude. Wonderful if you ask me

 

I found out she is dating the other guy now as well. This is fine with me, she is his problem now.

 

I know everything is going to be ok, and i can feel the void of emptiness inside me subsiding. In fact i think everything is going to be better then it ever was with her.