Afishwithabike Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) I have a really good friend, a single mom divorced for many years, who has entered the dating minefield after having been away from it for nearly two decades. She's slim, attractive, athletic, and well-educated. Sometimes she talks me about the two guys she likes. The first guy "Ethan" seems like a nice guy, but I think she's misreading his signs. The things she mentions as signs of interest seem like something a nice guy would do. They don't necessarily signal interest, in my opinion. They see each other at various events and he's friendly to her, but he's not once asked her out on a date. She sent him a short email expressing interest and asking him out. He responded by asking her what she meant by going out. He also said he's busy and still not over his divorce. Bad response, right?! He didn't give a yes or no. A man his age (he's in his 40s) would express interest right away if he was interested. It seems to me that if you have to guess whether a grown man is interested in you then he's probably not. That's the kind of stuff that happens in high school. There are shy guys and younger men who aren't as straightforward about their interest, but this guy is mature and doesn't seem like someone who plays games. If he asked her what she means by "going out" then I'm pretty sure he's not interested in her! But she won't drop it. She started dating another guy, Michael, who seems very sweet and good to her, but she still can't forget Ethan. She's sending him another email and she showed it to me. It's long. It refers to her attraction to Ethan and how she hoped even if they couldn't be lovers that they could still be friends. I don't even know why she's emailing him. It's bound to make him feel awkward when they run into each other at the various events they participate in. I tried telling her in a nice way that perhaps the email wasn't necessary, but I don't think I got through. Michael, the guy that she's dating, is much younger although the age difference doesn't bother him. But I think the difference bothers her. She overanalyzes things he says. Some of the stuff he says that she worries about wouldn't bother me. I grew up with a brother and several good male friends. I know how men talk and some of the comments this man makes are just par for the course. Guys say things like that. It's nothing rude, profane, or insulting. She almost has a romance novel expectation of how a man will respond to things she does and says. For example, she wrote him several hand written letters every day for a week and he seemed baffled by it. I told her most men don't appreciate letters the way women do. Some men might, but a lot of guys don't get the significance of a well-crafted handwritten letter. She was kind of hurt by his reaction. I'm wondering if part of her "problem" is that she has been single for so long and that she doesn't have a brother or close friends who are guys. She just seems really out of touch with the way men think and act. Ok, this rambling post was just to see if anyone else has experienced this. Edited June 14, 2011 by Afishwithabike
Teknoe Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Ah, that's tough. I would appreciate a hand written letter, that's for sure, but then again I tend to overanalyze too. Some people tell me when it comes to love I think and feel more like a woman than I do a man. Anyway, wish your friend the best. Hopefully one day she finds the right man for her.
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