I can't give him what he wants & it's killing me...

[Ms.Pixie41]

I'm going through a difficult time right now in my life. I just got out of a 2 ½ year relationship with the person I thought was my soul mate,(still think he is). I have never had such a wonderful, caring , loving man in my life, and I’ve been married in the past. He was my all and we just couldn't be apart for a minute. We were already talking about getting married etc... Everything was wonderful till about 4 months ago. My ex went on a business trip in February and that was the last time I saw him as "him". He was just recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and psychosis disorder. Our lives, and our families lives have been turned upside down due to this. This was the worst experience of my life so far. He thinks he is God's gift to mankind to cure diseases and fix world peace, thinks he's a millionaire among other things. He has lost contact with reality,That's what psychosis disorder does to you. This was so hard for me to see. He was in a mental hospital for a week, and I still cry when I think of how I saw him in there... this is so unreal to me still and the worse part this broke our families apart, his mom turned on me to say the least. I stayed with him months after he got out of the hospital , but it was hard and it wasn't him. He loves me and I love him, but the truth and reality of it all is that we will never have a future. Doctors say he will not recover from this. It's been 4 months with no progress. I'm destroyed by all of this. I’ve had wonderful support from my family all along. I decided to leave him because I feared for my safety , he said he had voices telling him what to do... I got so scared, thought that maybe one day those voices would say something bad, like kill her, who knows the mind is very powerful! Also the doctor said this is passed on to your children, and I couldn't jeopardize my life and future like that.(his mom has bipolar disorder as well) I want to be a mother one day and I felt I had to be selfish and at the same time i feel terrible for leaving him. I think of him night and day... I just want to know if im the only one going through something like this? I feel so sad and helpless. I'm in love with him and he calls me to ask me back, and I cant tell him yes...