Anyone have any ideas?

[Gisele]

Getting sick of feeling sorry for myself, and sick of sitting around waiting for things to hurt less

 

I want my confidence back.

Only, i don't quite know how to get it....

 

That relationship took a lot out of me, and now i want to emerge from it stronger. Confessing to him I still had feelings took away a lot of my dignity, and i want it back too.

 

Obviously im going to stick to NC, and i know 'confidence comes from within' etc, but is there anything anyone has done after a break-up that really made them feel powerful and stronger again?

 

Im talking activities, diets, personal improvement type stuff

 

Being honest, part of me wants him to SEE that ive come out of things stronger, that he didn't completely destroy me, but that's definitely not my main goal. Particularly as id never take him back anyway.

 

I want to feel like ME again

[dryogesh_23]

life is too short dont sit around and waste it having grudges and plottin revenge .. go live ur life .. the one is waitin 4 u .. good life comes to ppl who actually do things instead of waitin 4 the ryt moment

Edited June 14, 2011 by dryogesh_23

[sun_moon]

Dive back into your dancing! It's the summer, your out of school, great time to socialize and have a good time.

[geegirl]

It's a process Gisele. There's no quick, sure fire way to get there. I think the hard part for you is that he's in close proximity. What you're trying to detach from is right there infront of you, almost like a constant reminder.

 

It's good that you are involving yourself with school and other activities that you're interested and passionate about. That's one way to start building yourself up back again. I think the trick is to start doing all the things that define you. Most times, we allow the R or our partner to define us. We lose ourselves and in time we become extensions of them.

 

Get to the gym. Start a workout plan. You'll feel great about how you feel and look. It's a confidence booster. If you love to dance, join social dance get togethers. There's a great site, meetup.com and they have all sorts of social activities to get yourself involved in. Volunteer for a cause you are passionate about. It will definitely give you a new perspective on life.

 

I believe what will help is how you use this time and what you do with this time to nurture and cultivate who Gisele is. It's the only way for you to begin redefining who you are again and that in turn will begin to foster a sense of self. You will start to feel mentally and emotionally stronger. Start to love yourself. Begin to find things about you that you never knew and what makes you tick. Begin to detach your dependency on someone else because you will start to depend and rely on a stronger you.

 

You shouldn't beat yourself up about admitting your feelings for him. You both were in a relationship. Feelings don't switch on and off on command. You had a weak moment. If anything, he should be human enough to have empathy for the hurt you are going through. And you should not feel that it took your pride and dignity away. What would have taken your pride and dignity away is if you were emotionally unstable during your breakup and post breakup. I believe you've handled yourself well throughout. Declaring your feelings in a moment of weakness is not an an indication of lack of pride or dignity. You were just in a vulnerable moment.

 

Also, in time you're feelings will fade, the intensity will die, the acceptance will surface. It's a process, going through stages of emotions, and one day you will look at him and realize that you're over the worst. Part and parcel of a break up. You will emerge stronger if you keep moving forward, putting yourself first, holding on to boundaries and nurturing everything that makes you who you once were, before you got lost along the way.

Edited June 14, 2011 by geegirl

[Lilmisus]

I started a thread somewhat similar to this not too long ago, and I also asked a few friends what they had to say, and some of their suggestions helped a lot.

 

First: my all time favorite "You'll be a-ok" song is "The Letter" by Newsboys. It's a Christian song, but it really made me feel special again, and it really helped after I said goodbye to my ex for the last time. If nothing else, look up the lyrics online, since they're just..encouraging and positive. Also getting back into Christianity helped me a lot as well, since I let go of my faith while we were together. It's to each their own though, of course.

 

I second dancing though. It helps A LOT. Plus, it's an absolutely great workout! If you can, look it up and see if you can take any salsa or waltz dancing classes around town..if for no other reason, than to show guys that you know how to move

 

A few suggested yoga to me. I have yet to start it back up again, but some people swear by it.

 

Do you have a favorite hobbie? Or did you used to have a favorite hobbie? Mine has always been photography. Once again, I let go of it while we were together, but I've since gotten back into it, and I've re-fallen in love with the art of photography. It's just a wonderful thing to stop and appreciate the world around us, and to capture moments. If you want to, try taking it up, or try to get into an old favorite hobbie that you used to have, as a way to remind you who you used to be before him.

 

Reconnect with old friends. Friends that don't know him and have never even heard of him. Just shoot a few of them messages on Facebook. Or, try finding new friends, somewhere, someplace..also ones who don't know him.

 

Maybe get a job if you don't already have one. Maybe even a charity or volunteer gig. Especially one that you have to be constantly busy. This way, you can keep your mind off of him and things. Plus, it's a great way to start over in a new way, that has nothing to do with him.

 

Write down and number all the reasons he was horrible and not the guy for you. Just as a way to remember that he definitely is not worth being hurt over. And trust me..he definitely isn't.

[whatdoido1717]

Just a few things that have helped me so far, nothing new or profound, but thought I'd share none the less:

 

~ I started taking Piano lessons. I remember walking out of my first lesson about a few weeks after the break up feeling amazing. That's when it hit me, that the 45 minutes I was in my lesson not only had I thoroughly enjoyed my time but it was the first significantly prolonged amount of my time spent awake that she wasn't consuming my thoughts. It was like Piano turned her off for a little while. When I got a new keyboard and began practicing at home I found another temporary relief/escape. On top of putting my mind at ease I was developing a new hobby and taking steps towards a lifelong goal.

 

~ Nutrition/Fitness. Before I met my Ex I was always passionate about this so it came very easy to me. I wasn't expecting such a positive change so fast from it. This has 100% helped every aspect of my life and my healing. It should be an essential part of recovery I feel. And if you REALLY don't want to work out, at least focus on your eating habits. Educating yourself and making small changes can go a long way towards improving how you feel both emotionally and physically.

 

~ Surround yourself with friends. For me, the very worst times are when I am alone. It's simple. No distractions and solitude allows my mind to focus solely on my ex if it wants. It is possible to be strong enough to stay present and not allow this to happen, but let's be real, there are only a few people on this forum that are. Therefore, even if you aren't feeling so up to it, invite a friend over to chill with you or better yet, go out and do something with them. Anything. Your mind may still be on her, but not as much as it would've been; and chances are the company/distraction of another person or friend will be enough to alleviate the pain of your emotions for a while. The pain you feel in your heart is unavoidable for sure, but the sorrow brought about by your emotions is optional. If you are not strong enough to be alone and not allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself then surround yourself with positivity and love.

 

~ If do not have enough friends to turn to for whatever reason, just get out and do something yourself. Just get out of that comfort zone where all you want to do is sit in front of your computer or on your couch pining for your ex. Go on a walk, go to a movie, a concert, to dinner. So many options. It doesn't have to be complicated, even if you go on a walk outside on a nice day and are still thinking about your Ex, at least you've accomplished something and aren't just sitting at home again lost in your thoughts.