samm84 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) First of all hi everyone, i feel quite guilty for being a long time reader and first time poster now that my girlfriend of 2 years has decided to end things with me. I've learnt a lot about relationships from here and tried to apply this knowledge where i can, its just that sometimes different situations call for different approaches and i wanted to hopefully get some thoughts in response to my exact situation. So me and my ex live opposite each other on the same road, we've pretty much seen each other every day for the past 2 years and I've loved every minute of it despite a few arguments here and there. Things started going wrong when she went to a party with a friend and then started texting and facebooking a random man that she had met there. Im going to be honest and say I had a bad feeling from the start, I've always kept a good level of communication with my ex so i asked her calmly about it, telling her that i was uncomfortable with him... she replied by saying she was going to see him, which only made things worse seeing as she was now texting him more than me! A few months later we broke up and she assured me it was not because of him, to this day i still dont know what they had together but i guess im not going to beat myself up about it. Anyway, we cut contact for a week before she decided that she had made a mistake and wanted to get back together, which i accepted. She told me that she had cut off contact with him. We were fine for a few months until i noticed her recieving texts from him again and becoming more distant, things escalated and i saw her less and less. I continued to confront her on it but she told me that this man meant nothing to her. We were both busy, she had a full time job and i was in my final year of university. We didn't really have time to go out and enjoy anything special, and most of her weekends were spent visiting her friends. *THIS IS WHERE THINGS GET REALLY BAD* One night i was left waiting up for her until 5 in the morning. She had been out with a mutual friend and told me that she would be back at around midnight, but when she arrived home early that morning she was in tears. She confessed that she had had a drunken kiss with him. Her words were "Just break up with me" I was so so angry with her that i stormed off. She contacted me a week later to clear things up and try to resolve things as friends, seeing as we lived so close. We both agreed that we were busy and stressed, and had taken each other for granted. She said that she wanted to spend more time with her friends and had been unhappy for some time. She told me she was also sorry she didn't talk to me about our relationship sooner. (I was upset that i hadn't had the chance to repair things in our relationship) We kept up as friends for about a week until one night when we were watching TV. We ended up cuddling and one thing lead to another. For the next few weeks we were almost back together again, only unofficially. She even confessed that she still loved me. I couldn't handle it, a few weeks later i gave her an ultimatum, to which she responded "but we didn't work together". I just cant understand how we can be so good together but can't be together. The communication wasn't there at the time and she knows i would have done anything to save what we had. I think it was me being inattentive due to my studies, and the stress of her job which pulled us apart. The only thing is, i really want us to have another chance. I decided I needed to get some space. So far its beeeeen... 4 days without contact, whenever i close my eyes i remember myself with her, i just want to reach in and tell myself to give her a hug and tell her how special she is to me. But i can't. What can i do? Edited June 14, 2011 by samm84
Royal Guy Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 First of all hi everyone, i feel quite guilty for being a long time reader and first time poster now that my girlfriend of 2 years has decided to end things with me. I've learnt a lot about relationships from here and tried to apply this knowledge where i can, its just that sometimes different situations call for different approaches and i wanted to hopefully get some thoughts in response to my exact situation. So me and my ex live opposite each other on the same road, we've pretty much seen each other every day for the past 2 years and I've loved every minute of it despite a few arguments here and there. Things started going wrong when she went to a party with a friend and then started texting and facebooking a random man that she had met there. Im going to be honest and say I had a bad feeling from the start, I've always kept a good level of communication with my ex so i asked her calmly about it, telling her that i was uncomfortable with him... she replied by saying she was going to see him, which only made things worse seeing as she was now texting him more than me! A few months later we broke up and she assured me it was not because of him, to this day i still dont know what they had together but i guess im not going to beat myself up about it. Anyway, we cut contact for a week before she decided that she had made a mistake and wanted to get back together, which i accepted. She told me that she had cut off contact with him. We were fine for a few months until i noticed her recieving texts from him again and becoming more distant, things escalated and i saw her less and less. I continued to confront her on it but she told me that this man meant nothing to her. We were both busy, she had a full time job and i was in my final year of university. We didn't really have time to go out and enjoy anything special, and most of her weekends were spent visiting her friends. *THIS IS WHERE THINGS GET REALLY BAD* One night i was left waiting up for her until 5 in the morning. She had been out with a mutual friend and told me that she would be back at around midnight, but when she arrived home early that morning she was in tears. She confessed that she had had a drunken kiss with him. Her words were "Just break up with me" I was so so angry with her that i stormed off. She contacted me a week later to clear things up and try to resolve things as friends, seeing as we lived so close. We both agreed that we were busy and stressed, and had taken each other for granted. She said that she wanted to spend more time with her friends and had been unhappy for some time. She told me she was also sorry she didn't talk to me about our relationship sooner. (I was upset that i hadn't had the chance to repair things in our relationship) We kept up as friends for about a week until one night when we were watching TV. We ended up cuddling and one thing lead to another. For the next few weeks we were almost back together again, only unofficially. She even confessed that she still loved me. I couldn't handle it, a few weeks later i gave her an ultimatum, to which she responded "but we didn't work together". I just cant understand how we can be so good together but can't be together. The communication wasn't there at the time and she knows i would have done anything to save what we had. I think it was me being inattentive due to my studies, and the stress of her job which pulled us apart. The only thing is, i really want us to have another chance. I decided I needed to get some space. So far its beeeeen... 4 days without contact, whenever i close my eyes i remember myself with her, i just want to reach in and tell myself to give her a hug and tell her how special she is to me. But i can't. What can i do? Hi, warning: I will be a little harsh. What you can do is want her less..the keyword is "taken for granted" here..the problem is the way you accepted her when she came back to you she learnt that you are an easy catch. Thats what I think, by wanting her more you are hurting yourself internally. She is happy being a freewill fish in the sea and you are living in her aquarium ( I should myself read what I am writing, as my case is a lil similar ). There are millions of couple who work and have stress,etc ( as for example you ) but things always went wrong from her end. Now I might not know the full story ( like you said you might have lost her as you were busy with studies ) but then she was not understanding.
Author samm84 Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Thanks for the quick reply Royal Guy! Don't worry at all about being harsh, I'm not afraid of being slapped in the face with a few realities. I just don't know what to do from now on, I do feel like she has taken a lot of what i do for granted also and I don't want to be an easy catch. I guess my real dilemma comes from asking myself: If i feel i have been neglectful, is going down the no contact route going to fix anything? No contact seems to be the golden rule for just about everything, I just dont want to push her further away.
Royal Guy Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Thanks for the quick reply Royal Guy! Don't worry at all about being harsh, I'm not afraid of being slapped in the face with a few realities. I just don't know what to do from now on, I do feel like she has taken a lot of what i do for granted also and I don't want to be an easy catch. I guess my real dilemma comes from asking myself: If i feel i have been neglectful, is going down the no contact route going to fix anything? No contact seems to be the golden rule for just about everything, I just dont want to push her further away. Hmm, continue to follow it buddy. I hope you get peace in your life and your heart comes to ease.
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