dispatch3d Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Now that I'm thinking about this, I guess after he talked about the college girl, I did feel like crap and I told him honestly that it was information I didnt need to know. It changed the way I feel. Then I proceeded to tell him that I wish I can talk to him in person right now and it might make me feel better about everything, but his response to that is because he's got his gym routine, he's unable to see me. I really wanted to be able to see him within the next 2-3 days (I even semi-pleaded with him for it and he still said no which made me feel more rejected) and I think that would have calmed me down and I wouldn't have ended things. But the earliest he can see me is 6 days later and even that is tentative and it might actually be a whole 13 days later before I can see him. I know he doesnt owe me anything and I shouldn't expect so much, but at the same time i'm used to dating guys who feel the same way about me after just a few dates (all 3 of my exes felt attached to me within 2-3 dates). I just felt like if he really cared then he'd have wanted to let me see him. Yes I know everyone is saying its only been 3 dates but im the kinda girl where a kiss is a huge deal for me and honestly if i've gone past 2 dates with a guy id expect us to be unofficially exclusive. I would not feel comfortable going past 2 dates with a guy then going out with some other guy and I'd expect the guy to be the same. I guess things happen for a reason though. blablabla. Look, you're the one who asked him . Don't open up these kinds of discussions! It's a sensitive topic for you obviously (the types of people guys you're seeing date, what they are like, etc. etc.) so just don't ask!
Author conehead Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Easy there. I'd be careful about rehashing super-emotional stuff like past relationships with guys you've just started dating over the phone. Whether he brought it up or you brought it up, it's a good way to hit a "bad button". I think it's fine in person, but over the phone probably a little too sensitive of a topic. Anyhow, he's not the only one being difficult as far as setting up specific times/places to meet. just sayin. How was I being difficult in setting up times/places to meet? I was free for the wknd except Sunday night. I think I had every right to not have to wait until Friday night for him to tell me if/when we can meet on the wknd at all. I'd expect him to let me know by Wed or Thurs....I think it'd be unfair to ask a girl to wait until Friday so late minute to tell her the plans. Because that means I wont be able to make any alternative plans at all. Also, I suggested meeting up on weekdays since it seems the weekend might not work and he said NO. He'd rather sit at home to watch TV or go to the gym every single day of the week than see me even if it meant he'd have to go entire 2 weeks without seeing me. He asked me about my past first, and I agree that I should have taken that opportunity to tell him about my pet peeve about talking about past relationships. I regret asking him back...that caused the downfall of all of this. I agree that was my mistake and take full responsiblity for it. I need to learn to bring up my pet peeve upfront to guys...and at the same time try to overcome it.
in_absentia Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I can't speak for the rest of what you're saying, but regarding him not seeing you during the week he's absolutely within his rights to refuse to see you except for weekends. I'm a very, very busy person (I work 46 hours a week with 1.5 hours driving a day, voluntary work on top of that and try hit the gym four times a week, I'm chronically ill ontop which exhausts me and makes everything a struggle) and I don't socialise on a weeknight. It's just too difficult getting up really early for work, doing a 9 hour day, then driving home, by that point if I went out and saw people it'd be like stringing together two long workdays without much of a break inbetween and if he's anything like me, it's essential to get enough sleep so you can function the next day. I wouldn't see a new date even every weekend right now, people have lives and you can't expect to suddenly be his priority! And in him knowing you want that, you unfortunately make yourself seem a little desperate.
in_absentia Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 How was I being difficult in setting up times/places to meet? I was free for the wknd except Sunday night. I think I had every right to not have to wait until Friday night for him to tell me if/when we can meet on the wknd at all. I'd expect him to let me know by Wed or Thurs....I think it'd be unfair to ask a girl to wait until Friday so late minute to tell her the plans. Because that means I wont be able to make any alternative plans at all. Also, I suggested meeting up on weekdays since it seems the weekend might not work and he said NO. He'd rather sit at home to watch TV or go to the gym every single day of the week than see me even if it meant he'd have to go entire 2 weeks without seeing me. It didn't seem he was thinking that way to me at all. I'm sure if he had called on Friday and asked you to meet Sunday and you already had made other plans he'd have been fine with that, it's not like he said 'oh I'm desperate to see you but I'm not sure I can, please will you keep it free for me to let you know on Friday if there's any chance we can be together?'. If anything it sounds like he only said he'd let you know Friday just to get you off his case about it, maybe hoping you would take the hint and make other plans. He knows you had no other plans hence why he probably didn't see it as a big deal to call you and let you know either way on Friday, if he could see you then great, you weren't doing anything anyway, and if he couldn't well... you weren't doing anything anyway. Chill!
Author conehead Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 I can't speak for the rest of what you're saying, but regarding him not seeing you during the week he's absolutely within his rights to refuse to see you except for weekends. I'm a very, very busy person (I work 46 hours a week with 1.5 hours driving a day, voluntary work on top of that and try hit the gym four times a week, I'm chronically ill ontop which exhausts me and makes everything a struggle) and I don't socialise on a weeknight. It's just too difficult getting up really early for work, doing a 9 hour day, then driving home, by that point if I went out and saw people it'd be like stringing together two long workdays without much of a break inbetween and if he's anything like me, it's essential to get enough sleep so you can function the next day. I wouldn't see a new date even every weekend right now, people have lives and you can't expect to suddenly be his priority! And in him knowing you want that, you unfortunately make yourself seem a little desperate. Seems basically even if you had a gf you'd only see her on weekends. Well, maybe he saw me as desparate, that is fine. Because I DO expect to see my partner at least once a week, and if we cant then I'd try to see him on a weekday to make up for it. It seems this guy like you has a routine he is adamant against changing. If that is the case its a huge incompatibility. For me, if I'm in a relastionship and the guy is not that far away and is not that busy (he's not that busy, he just would rather watch TV than see me) then Id expect us to see each other at least 1-2 x a week. I never had this issue with previous guys until him
in_absentia Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Seems basically even if you had a gf you'd only see her on weekends. Well, maybe he saw me as desparate, that is fine. Because I DO expect to see my partner at least once a week, and if we cant then I'd try to see him on a weekday to make up for it. It seems this guy like you has a routine he is adamant against changing. If that is the case its a huge incompatibility. For me, if I'm in a relastionship and the guy is not that far away and is not that busy (he's not that busy, he just would rather watch TV than see me) then Id expect us to see each other at least 1-2 x a week. I never had this issue with previous guys until him Maybe that's the case, but you're talking about him as if he's a partner, and not just someone you're casually at the beginnings of dating with.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Well, anyway, this fling is over and done with ... right? You need to get over stuff like paying a great deal of attention to a "pet peeve" if you are going to EVER have a good relationship. Yes, there are valid deal breakers, but unless you are 12, you are going to meet men who actually have relationship histories. A HEALTHY person will still be able to look on his / her past important relationships and see the good in them (rather than vilifying the person), which might very well result in sounding excited, warm, even loving when talking about a person from the past. From your posts, you seem pretty wrapped up in completely external signals (like how quickly your text is answered, or how a guy talks about an ex) and not even interested at all in what kind of a person he is ... what he enjoys, what you two may have in common, how your communication goes, chemistry, etc.
Author conehead Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Well, anyway, this fling is over and done with ... right? Thing is, I don't know. I've rejected many many guys over the past 2 years and don't really regret them at all. But with this guy, I feel like I'm going crazy. We do have a lot in common in terms of background, values, etc. But crap, I already did so much damage that it can not be recovered. I hate this.
dispatch3d Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 How was I being difficult in setting up times/places to meet? I was free for the wknd except Sunday night. I think I had every right to not have to wait until Friday night for him to tell me if/when we can meet on the wknd at all. I'd expect him to let me know by Wed or Thurs....I think it'd be unfair to ask a girl to wait until Friday so late minute to tell her the plans. Because that means I wont be able to make any alternative plans at all. Also, I suggested meeting up on weekdays since it seems the weekend might not work and he said NO. He'd rather sit at home to watch TV or go to the gym every single day of the week than see me even if it meant he'd have to go entire 2 weeks without seeing me. He asked me about my past first, and I agree that I should have taken that opportunity to tell him about my pet peeve about talking about past relationships. I regret asking him back...that caused the downfall of all of this. I agree that was my mistake and take full responsiblity for it. I need to learn to bring up my pet peeve upfront to guys...and at the same time try to overcome it. Playin a lot of defense there ;-). Can't really setup an argument about something I'm not directly involved with. I'll leave it to you to decide whether you are/are not being difficult. Just try to think of things from his point of view. ie. so I like a girl, I call her on the phone, and ask her x. Basically put yourself in his driver seat.
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