Author Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 your theory is great for someone who enjoys power play relationships. I want to avoid relationships where the "power" is unbalanced and skewed in the woman's favor(or mine) for those of us with a more healthy perspective on dating, who makes more money doesn't really matter since, you know, i respect myself and don't think that my successes can be quantified in a monetary way and nor can anyone elses. I have hard time taking these kind of posts seriously, because I know for a fact you would never pursue a more succesful man, or any man. Period. You can't criticize me for not doing something that you don't do either. Guys who pursue more succesful women, them I can take seriously. Maybe it works for them, maybe they can accept the fact that their woman has all the power and that they have the "lower" hand and disadvantage in every aspect of their relationship. But women who have probably not even approached a man in their lifes and have it way easier than men talking to me about a healthy perspective on dating, Just seems ridicilous to me.
Author Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Nothing we say will make this guy understand how some women work. He has his theory. Let him sit with it. Out of what I have read here, it's pretty much essential for women to have the upper hand over their man. It's essential that they earn more and that the man chases them. For me yeah it's essential that I earn more or just as much. But that's because I know I have to do the chasing and put in all the work... So it evens out. Some people refuse to believe or don't want to believe that a woman or man would pursue someone with more or less success than them. Oh I can defenitley believe some men pursue more succesful women. But I can't believe some women pursue more succesful men, mainly because you don't pursue any men at all. That's why I find it so silly that the women here think I'm wrong, you're hypocrites. You don't pursue more succesful men or men who have more money than you... Yet blast me because I say I don't want to pursue women with more money than me. Most likely because then their world gets turned upside down because they can't understand why a man/woman isn't pursuing them. I defenitley understand why nobody is pursuing me. I'm a man. Women don't pursue men. Men pursue women.
Author Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 I've pursued men who were less successful and men that are more. Didn't see any difference. When I want someone, I want them. End of story. What's your defenition of pursuing somebody?
Enchanted Girl Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 The women you are talking about didn't really pursue men with more money. The might have held out for a man with more money and rejected guys with less money, but not pursued. Pursuing to me means: - Do the initial approach - Initiate most(if not all) contact - Plan and initiate most dates and activitys - "Woo" and charm - Generaly put in most of the effort The pursuer has made it clear that he likes the woman more than she likes him and tries to "get" the woman. That's in the woman's advantage. Then with my ex, I did ALL of the pursuing and with my current boyfriend I do half of it. And like I said in the other thread, if you're both not putting effort in the relationship, then its not a real relationship. You also have to realize that a man making more money than the women and him doing all the pursuing is making him do all the work and I'm not quite sure how that is fair either.
vsmini Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 What's your defenition of pursuing somebody? More importantly - what is your definition of pursuing somebody? It's your theory.
Author Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 More importantly - what is your definition of pursuing somebody? It's your theory. I wrote this in another thread. "As I see it, pursuing means first and foremost that you make the first move. That you initiate the first kiss. That you initiate phone calls, texts, emails, dates. Is the primary "driver" to get it to an exclusive relationship. Is the one who puts in more effort." The reason I asked Jazzari what her defenition of pursuing is, is because I doub't very much she did any of the things I mentioned above, especially not with a guy who is more succesful than her. And as I see it, you can hardly call it pursuing somebody if you don't do all or most of the above.
Author Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 There is much more to pursuing someone than those things you listed. Go on. Girls don't usually pursue in the same way, but we very definitely pursue. The male way of pursuing is the only way of pursuing because it's the defenition of what pursuing somebody is. It doesn't matter how you twist it, if you don't do the things I mentioned... you ain't pursuing. By pursuing you will have to take risks and put your heart on the line, you can't pursue without risking rejection. Giving hints to a guy that you want him to pursue you... is not pursuing
vsmini Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Go on. The male way of pursuing is the only way of pursuing because it's the defenition of what pursuing somebody is. It doesn't matter how you twist it, if you don't do the things I mentioned... you ain't pursuing. By pursuing you will have to take risks and put your heart on the line, you can't pursue without risking rejection. Giving hints to a guy that you want him to pursue you... is not pursuing Why are you ignoring her point that she actually did, as a female, pursue her husband? I thought you said females don't do that.
Author Velociraptor Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Just because girls don't do it the same way, doesn't mean they aren't putting their hearts on the line and aren't hurt by rejection. A guy sees things as "hints" where a girl thinks she is being blatantly obvious. For instance, if I "accidentally" lock my keys in the car and ask a guy to give me a ride home, then I am in fact pursuing him. Especially when I "accidentally" do it for the third time, lol! And yes, I did this. If the man says no, its a very real rejection for the girl. If the dumb-butt takes me straight home and drops me off - that's also a rejection. Needing a place to get away and crashing at his place. Uh...hello? I wouldn't be there if I didn't want you to join me. If he lets me sleep undisturbed and hangs out with the guys in front of the tv - rejection. When he tells me I could have any man I want. And I look him dead in the eye and say "no, not everyone" and he does NOTHING!! That is a rejection. Asking him to help me in the stock room and then "accidentally" tripping and falling against him in the dark room. UGH! How can any guy miss that? No response. Rejection. Telling a guy that your back is really sore. And he doesn't offer to give you a back rub. Rejection. Grabbing his tie and pulling him in for a kiss - only he backs away. Rejection. And then the phone calls, text and flat out asking him out that you mentioned. Did all that. I actually was only successful when I stopped pursuing him. And maybe that's why most girls don't like to do it. Many guys want to be the one doing the chasing. None of those things would count as a rejection if it happened to a man. Basicly you think women should be held to a different standard than men.
musemaj11 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 You know its true love when a woman initiates interest in a guy despite knowing that he has less and she can get someone else with equal status. Unfortunately I have never seen this in real life.
ProjekctionMan Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 None of those things would count as a rejection if it happened to a man. Basicly you think women should be held to a different standard than men. Women are held to a different standard than men. Feminists can blare all about how "equal rights" need to happen. What it all comes down to is, the genders will never be equal, and women react differently to instances than men. Why do you think the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" was written? It's kind of true that the genders think differently. All women think a certain way, and all men think a certain way. That is why "nice guys" are perceived differently, between men and women. And why men are more logical and women are more emotional. That isn't to say that women and men are completely different, and some are more alike than others. But gender stereotypes exist for a very good reason.
Nexus One Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 For me personally her income/wealth is not a factor that determines whether or not I want to make a move on her. The only thing that would be nice, but not a necessity is that it would be better for her to be able to sustain herself. That way she has something to fall back on if things go sour.
Queen Zenobia Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Women are held to a different standard than men. Feminists can blare all about how "equal rights" need to happen. What it all comes down to is, the genders will never be equal, and women react differently to instances than men. Equal or the same? A man's vote and a woman's vote both count only once so I'd say men and women are equal but most likely not the same. Why do you think the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" was written? It's kind of true that the genders think differently. All women think a certain way, and all men think a certain way. :laugh:Book was written because someone thought they could make some money, it's not that complicated. That is why "nice guys" are perceived differently, between men and women. And why men are more logical and women are more emotional. That isn't to say that women and men are completely different, and some are more alike than others. But gender stereotypes exist for a very good reason. :laugh:Stereotypes exist because humans like generalizations. Keeps things neat and tidy. "Facts" always get in the way of truth.
musemaj11 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I did all the chasing and pursuing with my husband. With my current SO, its a little more even. So you have a husband and a boyfriend? He had less. I paid for lunches, gas, etc. And I turned down men who were millionaires for him. On the internet anything can happen.
Rinnix Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 How funny. When I met my boyfriend, I was at a better place financially than him. I also did the pursuing. Also, we don't suffer from power struggles. It would have been a shame if he would have rejected me in fear of feeling lower in anyway.
Intergalactic Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I have hard time taking these kind of posts seriously, because I know for a fact you would never pursue a more succesful man, or any man. Period. You can't criticize me for not doing something that you don't do either. what the ****? how do you know this "for a fact"? do you know me in real life? do you watch me from afar? i highly doubt it. therefore i highly doubt you know whether or not i approach men. however, since i'm a student, it's not hard for people to be financially more successful than me. therefore i have no problem pursuing men who are more well off than i am... otherwise my pool of men becomes shallower and shallower. i don't measure success in money though - i find myself pretty successful since i managed to get into med school and i will be financially successful later on, and i'd REALLY hope that doesn't put men off. of course, it's not until they speak to me that i will eventually say what i'm doing, and most men think that it's really great, which makes me feel good. as for me pursuing men in general.. yeah i've got no problem with that, other than sometimes i get a bit shy - which is due to my own self-esteem around my physical attractiveness not my personality or successfulness. however, this still doesn't put me off too much, if i see a guy at a bar or someone in class or whatever, i'll happily approach them. so i think it's safe to say i have a more healthy perspective on relationships than you.
oaks Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 For instance, I probably would've failed to get the hint in at least half of those examples.
Author Velociraptor Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 How funny. When I met my boyfriend, I was at a better place financially than him. I also did the pursuing. Also, we don't suffer from power struggles. It would have been a shame if he would have rejected me in fear of feeling lower in anyway. My problem is only pursuing somebody more succesful. I'd have no problem if a more succesful woman pursued me, I wouldn't feel lower at all. But I would never do the actual pursuing, unless the woman is on my level when it comes to both looks and career. I'd feel very uncomfortable pursuing a woman is significantly more succesful or significantly more attractive. That would indeed make me feel "lower" because I'm already "lower" because I do the pursuing.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 OP: You certainly have some well developed theories to guide your dating and relationship life. How is it all working out for you? Are you in a good relationship right now? Why don't you tell us about it?
Ouroboros Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 OP: You certainly have some well developed theories to guide your dating and relationship life. How is it all working out for you? Are you in a good relationship right now? Why don't you tell us about it? Should a relationship be the ends we seek as we endure our romantic trials and tribulations?
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Should a relationship be the ends we seek as we endure our romantic trials and tribulations? Not necessarily, but it is for many of us. What about for you?
Ouroboros Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Not necessarily, but it is for many of us. What about for you? I have lost faith in them.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I have lost faith in them. Sad, jaded Ouroboros. Perhaps if you'd quit pursuing people who make more money than you do, your faith in relationships could be restored.
Ouroboros Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Sad, jaded Ouroboros. Perhaps if you'd quit pursuing people who make more money than you do, your faith in relationships could be restored. I have never done that. I hate giving out or hearing about finances or occupation.
Recommended Posts