Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 IMO the person who is more succesful and has more money should be the pursuer and "chase" the other one who is less succesful. One should never pursue a person with more money, simple as that. It makes you look bad, desperate, potentially a gold digger(even men) aswell as pathetic in general. AND it gives the person who has more money all the power over the person who pursues, not only does she have a higher social status than the man, she also likes the man less than he likes her.(since he pursued). Overall, it's not healthy. The norm is that men pursue women, men initiate contact and generally puts in most of the work in the relationship. I believe the reason that is, is because men used to have more money, more power, was more succesful so it was only natural that they also pursued. It wouldn't make sense for a woman to go after men. I take it as a given but alot of other people think it doesn't matter. Usually those people are women with alot of money, and offcourse they wouldn't like to give up any of their advantages. They'd prefer men who is less succesfull to pursue them... That way, the relationship would be skewed in their favor and they want that. Thoughts? Oppinions?
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 You've already had plenty of thoughts and opinions on this theory of yours. Feel free to go with it - not many others are going to follow, though. Many people (lots of women have been conditioned for this societally) will pursue those with MORE money than they have, so they can be "taken care of" that way. And, of course, there are the millions who are not thinking about how much money a person has or doesn't have at all when dating them. I'm one of these. I do care how a person handles what they have - don't care a bit about the quantity.
oaks Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 IMO the person who is more succesful and has more money should be the pursuer and "chase" the other one who is less succesful. What if she's more successful but has less money, or less successful but has more money? Oh, right, you're equating success with having money. Ok, then.
vsmini Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Thoughts and opinions: Sure - I'll give you one. This theory is pretty much baseless and overall pointless. I don't think looking at dating in this view of yours is very healthy at all. I also don't think many others see it this way either. When I was being pursued I was the one making a lot more money than my date. A lot. Now that we've been dating for 6 months my boyfriend is the one that's pulling in more than I am. When he was pursuing me - in NO WAY did he look desperate or as if he was gold digging. It wasn't even an issue. I'm a healthy adult female so your theory doesn't really work for me. I'm not playing games, I'm not dating in terms of evolutionary psychology, and I'm not betting on strategy when it comes to another guy's paycheck. I don't want to chase or be chased. I want a co-pilot who is in this with me on an equal level. That's what I want and that's what I have been getting.
USCGAviator Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I see where your coming from. From one experience I had, I was chased by a beautiful woman with much more money than me. None of this money crap matters or gives you any more of an advantage. And you never have to worry about being taken advantage of if you respect yourself and carry yourself like man/woman.
vsmini Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I see where your coming from. From one experience I had, I was chased by a beautiful woman with much more money than me. None of this money crap matters or gives you any more of an advantage. And you never have to worry about being taken advantage of if you respect yourself and carry yourself like man/woman. SPOT ON. Well said! It might give you more of an advantage in the beginning but in the end it all evens out based on a person's character and personality.
Author Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 SPOT ON. Well said! It might give you more of an advantage in the beginning but in the end it all evens out based on a person's character and personality. In general I'd say it doesn't even out because women do have the advantage in relationships. men pursue = womans advantage men put in more effort = womans advantage men initiate most things = womans advantage sex = women defenitley have all the power there and if the woman earns more money = her advantage again Surely I'm not crazy for thinking it seems unbalanced and skewed in the woman's favor? I just wouldn't like to feel like I have the "lower hand" in every single aspect in a relationship, that's why I wouldn't date women with more money. I'd like to feel that there's balance.
Author Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 You've already had plenty of thoughts and opinions on this theory of yours. Feel free to go with it - not many others are going to follow, though. Many people (lots of women have been conditioned for this societally) will pursue those with MORE money than they have, so they can be "taken care of" that way. And, of course, there are the millions who are not thinking about how much money a person has or doesn't have at all when dating them. I'm one of these. I do care how a person handles what they have - don't care a bit about the quantity. The women you are talking about didn't really pursue men with more money. The might have held out for a man with more money and rejected guys with less money, but not pursued. Pursuing to me means: - Do the initial approach - Initiate most(if not all) contact - Plan and initiate most dates and activitys - "Woo" and charm - Generaly put in most of the effort The pursuer has made it clear that he likes the woman more than she likes him and tries to "get" the woman. That's in the woman's advantage.
ivalm Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 What if she's more successful but has less money, or less successful but has more money? Oh, right, you're equating success with having money. Ok, then. Clearly, concepts involving multiple parameters to gauge a single concept are not part of veloceraptor's mental capability, which is OK, since veloceraptors are dinosaurs and thus have very primitive brains. It's actually quite amazing that this particular veloceraptor was able to master English (previously thought to be used only by humans) and also develop, albeit highly simplified, model of human relationships. Ok.. now that I had my coy moment... I think socially, in the US at least, it is expected for men to approach women, and not vice versa. This has significant historical motivations (ie this used to be a highly patriarchal society, which to some extent it still is), but I disagree that it give women undue "power" or has much to do with financial or social level. Also, quite a few girls nowadays actually do pursue guys (although in my experience they tend to do it somewhat covertly and perhaps clumsily.. but yeah, I've definitively been asked out by girls and had them put in all of the effort). About power, I think highly attractive women have a lot of power over men, and since most men ask out the more attractive women (and thus have a lot of rejection experience from them) they project this power onto all women. However, there are a lot of girls that get asked out very little and, because they themselves feel pressured to not pursue, are waiting, sometimes desperately, for a guy to ask them. LS is actually full of such women. I guess my final thesis is quite banal: Highly attractive people have a lot of power over opposite gender, unattractive people have very little power, and the rest, well, they all fall somewhere in the spectrum.
Ouroboros Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Pursuing women is a good way to get into something where the woman isn't sincerely attracted.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Whoever needs the relationship more (whatever their agenda) will do the pursuing regardless of monetary status.
USCGAviator Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 In general I'd say it doesn't even out because women do have the advantage in relationships. men pursue = womans advantage men put in more effort = womans advantage men initiate most things = womans advantage sex = women defenitley have all the power there and if the woman earns more money = her advantage again Surely I'm not crazy for thinking it seems unbalanced and skewed in the woman's favor? I just wouldn't like to feel like I have the "lower hand" in every single aspect in a relationship, that's why I wouldn't date women with more money. I'd like to feel that there's balance. The way I see it men pursue = Men are hunters men put in more effort = One way streets don't work with me men initiate most things = I like to take charge and lead the way sex = a wonderful gift and if the woman earns more money = So what? I guess I'll be eating better You only get the lower hand if your self confidence/self respect is lower.
USCGAviator Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Sex isn't a gift. Let me clarify. A gift from god
Ouroboros Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Let me clarify. A gift from god My point still stands.
Author Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Let me clarify. A gift from god No, it's a gift from women to men. The one who wants it less has more power... It has nothing to do with god.
Author Velociraptor Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 I don't think money matters in terms of who pursues, but if it did... How do you know who has the most money? I've been with my guy for 6 months and I don't have a clue how much he makes or how much money he has. I would guess he's successful based on his job, house and car. But for all I know, he's in debt up to his ears. It's funny that women say that. Would you pursue a man who is more succesfull? I doub't it. Nor would any woman, or pursue any man. Period.
Ouroboros Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 No, it's a gift from women to men. The one who wants it less has more power... It has nothing to do with god. It is a mutual activity engaged in by men and women, sometimes across the gender divide and sometimes not, out of shared sexual desire. It is not a gift given by anyone or it is a gift given by both. It is not a gift received by anyone or it is a gift received by both.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 sex = a wonderful gift Only someone who rarely (if ever) gets to have sex would think of it as a "wonderful gift".
Ouroboros Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Only someone who rarely (if ever) gets to have sex would think of it as a "wonderful gift". I'm glad we have so much experience that we know masturbation is better by far.
Ouroboros Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I've pursued men who were less successful How is that even possible...
vsmini Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I've pursued men who were less successful and men that are more. Didn't see any difference. When I want someone, I want them. End of story. Honey - don't waste your time beating a dead velociraptor. Nothing we say will make this guy understand how some women work. He has his theory. Let him sit with it. Some people refuse to believe or don't want to believe that a woman or man would pursue someone with more or less success than them. Most likely because then their world gets turned upside down because they can't understand why a man/woman isn't pursuing them. People's theories usually develop from their own life experience (as they should) but it doesn't mean that they are right across the board. Though some people seem to think they are.
Sanman Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Ha, this theory makes no sense to me. Guy A makes $50k Guy B makes $200k Girl makes $75k So, you want guy A to wait around for the girl to make a move on him while Guy B is free to pursue the same girl? I don't think Guy A is going to like the outcome. But if it works for you that is fine. I tend to date women with higher incomes, so one less guy for me to worry about as competition.
Intergalactic Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 your theory is great for someone who enjoys power play relationships. for those of us with a more healthy perspective on dating, who makes more money doesn't really matter since, you know, i respect myself and don't think that my successes can be quantified in a monetary way and nor can anyone elses. ps seek therapy.
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