Sugarkane Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Like my ex who blamed the whole relationship not working on me. Even though he bottled everything up and never said anything. Then let it fester until he couldn't take it anymore and dumped me.
nessaaa Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 what was his reason for it not working out? sometimes they just blame it on you to make themselves feel better i guess
Author Sugarkane Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 His whole reasoning wa complete BS. That I'm not outgoing and I'm basically a mute. So why was I good friends with all his friends then? I'm far from a mute. My ex would leave me completely alone half the time and I had no option but make conversation with other people. When I caught my ex out on this, he knew that he had nothing to back it up. So then he just verbally abused me by text. Great way to end a year relationship hey?
Rory12345 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Maybe he was trying to pass the blame to you. It shouldn't matter anyway. Let him think what he wants to think. You have split up, so his opinion is now void.
WTRanger Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 We get it, you were wronged. His friends left you. I'm sure its not a good spot to be in. But you have got to accept it and move on. Please stop obsessing over this. Perhaps this is the reason his friends left you? They grew tired over your obsessions and constantly repeating the same things over and over and over. For you own mental sanity, move on. The poor little horsey is dead. Once you stop obsessing and stop the victim role, you'll actually feel yourself start to move on. You'll feel better mentally as well as physically. Stop wondering about and blaming the ex. Start asking questions like why haven't you accepted this? Why haven't you started to move on? Why are you still constantly obsessing over the things that were said? Why do you feel the need to play the blame game? Why do you feel slighted if not everyone takes your side (ie his friends). Why does any of that matter to you?
AmericanHoney Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 It has been mentioned many,many times here on the forum. They are cowards!! They are self-centered and only think of themselves and very rarely do they ever take blame. Sugarkane you need to not look at the past and you need to forget him because I have seen your posts he didn't seem like a very nice person. Sugarkane you need to focus on the future and find someone that will actually treat you well and forget that jerk who treated you badly.
Royal Guy Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 His whole reasoning wa complete BS. That I'm not outgoing and I'm basically a mute. So why was I good friends with all his friends then? I'm far from a mute. My ex would leave me completely alone half the time and I had no option but make conversation with other people. When I caught my ex out on this, he knew that he had nothing to back it up. So then he just verbally abused me by text. Great way to end a year relationship hey? Did you ever ( even once ) told him you're not in a mood to go out when he wanted to or something sounding similar to this? You know when these DUMPERS tend to get over us, they try to dig such small things dunno from which part of their grey matter and ignite a fight even though everythings running normal. It happens. Don't worry, you are not to be blamed even 0.000001% for that. You are nobodys slave ( especially his ), it was only his love for which you were with him and not for the **** that he is making you go through now. So go NC ( you might already be on it ) and don't give rats a$$ for that prick.
MissMoni Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 His whole reasoning wa complete BS. That I'm not outgoing and I'm basically a mute. So why was I good friends with all his friends then? I'm far from a mute. My ex would leave me completely alone half the time and I had no option but make conversation with other people. When I caught my ex out on this, he knew that he had nothing to back it up. So then he just verbally abused me by text. Great way to end a year relationship hey? This is interesting, Sugarkane. My ex basically told me the same thing! When I told him I felt uncomfortable around some of his friends because I didn't feel they liked me, he said : "Well that's because you never made an effort to be friendly to them." Mind you, I am now good friends with most of his friends and was also friends with them BEFORE the breakup...I think that they just hunt for excuses because they don't want to tell us the real reasons. Slash they don't know the real reasons. Selfish pricks.
luvflower Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I dont like to ever say " never", but truthfully speaking when someone feels compelled to end a relationship, there's usually a legitimate reason(s). Unfortunately, the dumper seems to be the one who has enough guts to make the first move. In my experience, I discussed issues with my ex several times prior to me breaking up with him. When people dont change after they are aware of issues or better yetwhen people don't "naturally" show qualities that we want, it's silly to sit back and wait for them to change. You can't change people and unfortunately we sometimes don't see our mates for who they really are until situations present themselves. At that point it only makes sense to let the person go so they no longer have to worry about pleasing us (dumpers).
Author Sugarkane Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 We get it, you were wronged. His friends left you. I'm sure its not a good spot to be in. But you have got to accept it and move on. Please stop obsessing over this. Perhaps this is the reason his friends left you? They grew tired over your obsessions and constantly repeating the same things over and over and over. everyone takes your side (ie his friends). Why does any of that matter to you? WTRanger you have got the wrong end of the stick again. His friends didn't leave because I was obsessing and repeating stuff. I never even got to say goodbye to them. They didn't even hear my side of it. So how could they know I was obessing? Why does it matter to me? Coz the friends also became my friends aswell. When my ex left and wouldn't even give me a reason and nothing was wrong. Its pretty difficult to move on if the breakup doesn't make any sense. When your ex does a 180 and no one will even tell you why. Maybe one day you might understand what I mean.
Author Sugarkane Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 I dont like to ever say " never", but truthfully speaking when someone feels compelled to end a relationship, there's usually a legitimate reason(s). Unfortunately, the dumper seems to be the one who has enough guts to make the first move. In my experience, I discussed issues with my ex several times prior to me breaking up with him. When people dont change after they are aware of issues or better yetwhen people don't "naturally" show qualities that we want, it's silly to sit back and wait for them to change. You can't change people and unfortunately we sometimes don't see our mates for who they really are until situations present themselves. At that point it only makes sense to let the person go so they no longer have to worry about pleasing us (dumpers). I truelly don't know the reasons. My ex NEVER ONCE discussed how he felt before he brokeup with me. He just completely dumped me out of the blue. Thats why I was so devasted.
Fufu Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Your ex sounds like my ex.... Anyway always remember, no one is always right and no one is always wrong. Don't carry all the burden of a failed relationship personally.
WTRanger Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 WTRanger you have got the wrong end of the stick again. His friends didn't leave because I was obsessing and repeating stuff. I never even got to say goodbye to them. They didn't even hear my side of it. So how could they know I was obessing? Why does it matter to me? Coz the friends also became my friends aswell. When my ex left and wouldn't even give me a reason and nothing was wrong. Its pretty difficult to move on if the breakup doesn't make any sense. When your ex does a 180 and no one will even tell you why. Maybe one day you might understand what I mean. You're right, I don't know what you mean. I've learned to accept my breakup and start to move on. I've long forgot about trying to figure out why. I've just accepted it. For me, I was tired of feeling stuck. I was tired of thinking about the same things over and over again. I actually wanted to start to forget about what happened, rather than re-live it daily. I also stopped blaming my ex for feeling like crap every day and realized I was making myself feel like crap because I was allowing myself to wallow in my own pity for weeks on end. You've got to realize that you are picking the scab off your own wound, therefore you are not allowing it to heal properly. You want to know how my ex broke up with me? We were in a 2 year relationship, part of that was long distance. When I flew 2,000 miles out to visit her, she stood me up. No call, no show, never heard from her. Still never heard from her. Never will hear from her and I really don't even care about it. What does it matter what her reason was? It happened, it sucked all sorts of dirty balls, but finally after months of reliving that nightmare I finally just grew tired of how I was letting it affect my life and stopped the madness. Some people are just total jerks, but there's nothing you can do but move on from them. And Christ on a corndog, why would I want that type of person back in my life? So yeah, in that sense, I'm not joining your pity party. I'd actually like to see you start to move on, drop the blame game, stop being this victim of some evil henchman's plot, forget about this guy, and find someone you deserve. The only way you are going to do that is to accept things and get out of this rut. The only person causing you this pain right now, is you. Obviously, something was wrong in your relationship or else he wouldn't have left. Relationships NEVER end out of the blue. That's a concrete fact. There are always signs, you just didn't see them. But in due time, you'll actually start to remember them. Truth be told, if you knew the answer would it make you feel any better? Absolutely not, because I bet it's something you'd be better off not knowing. They say ignorance is bliss and this is one of those cases. Honestly, who cares about his friends that were also possibly your friends? Do you need these people as character witnesses in an upcoming trial? So why should they care about your side of the story? I'm sure the story from your end and from his end are polar opposites, so who are they to believe? They probably don't want to get stuck in the middle and I don't blame them. Unless you are someone who drops everything for a relationship and relies completely on the other person to buffer their life, so when that's gone you are left with nothing, you've got to have friends of your own you can rely on. So his friends chose him over you. Big deal! There are greater tragedies going on in life right now. Yeah it's a bruise to the Ego, but so what? Go out, make some new friends if you have to. Call up your old friends. Do something that doesn't involve this guy. But, that would also mean you start to move on from this. There is no such thing as closure unless it comes from within you. So you've got a choice. You can keep hanging on to this anger, keep the pity-party going, keep feeling like dog doo every hour of every day, or you can actually accept this for being a lousy situation but realizing that there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. Yes, you have the right to feel sad, mad, bad, rad, etc. But you don't have the right to stay stuck in neutral. Embrace your emotions, live them, but most importantly let them pass so you can move on. So you can either get on with your life or keep spinning your tires. It's your choice, and it always has been.
Author Sugarkane Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Its just that everybody says "don't worry you'll find someone else". But the fact is I still haven't found someone better yet. And I do want to, more than anything.
AmericanHoney Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 It takes time!! Sometimes you might not meet anyone for months and months and you finally meet someone and it may or might not work out who knows?? Patience is a virtue okay?? Relax and take day by day and not worry about finding that person.
nikkinicole36 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I am going through this exact same thing. I literally could have written word for word everything you've said about your ex. It's been a year since the break up and I still have tough days where I cry like a spanked baby. Everyone is right though. It doesn't start getting better until you decide to let go. I couldn't and wouldn't let go until this last couple of weeks. I'm embarrassed to admit that, because I've never been the type to hold on to an ended relationship. I literally wanted to die after my ex left. What I've realized in this last year is that I missed all the clues that was showing who my ex really was. I also realized that I'd devoted so much time to my ex that I stopped doing what I needed to do for myself. I became a total doormat giving up my life, friends and being so codependent on him no wonder he wanted out. I was literally smothering him to death all the things I'd swore I would never do in a relationship again yet I did. I imagine you probably was doing a bit of the same thing. I had to literally force myself to think about myself and find the will to live again. I'd just let my entire life fall apart after he left. Even as awful as my ex behaved towards me at the end, I can't blame him for not wanting to be with someone who didn't have a life of her own. You want to really get back at your ex? Live your best life. Become a better version of yourself and go on to live a good life and get married and have a family if you want. At some point you'll realize your ex is the same old guy who left and these type hardly ever change. You have to start looking at this as an opportunity to finally grown and work on your self. If you can do that you will find yourself a much happier person.
Fufu Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Its just that everybody says "don't worry you'll find someone else". But the fact is I still haven't found someone better yet. And I do want to, more than anything. The next one comes when is totally unexpected. It's like the more you want it, the more you don't get it. When the time comes, you will know
Author Sugarkane Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Thankyou Fufu, Nickinicole and AmericanHoney. I've been depressed these past couple of days [it was the anniversary of the breakup] and your advice was very helpful to me.
Author Sugarkane Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 I come here as I get no support from anyone in real life.
Author Sugarkane Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Just to make it worse the anniversary of teh breakup, just had to be the same day as my cousins engagement party.
Tayla Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 A wound will rarely heal if you keep picking at the scab. I can sincerely understand the desire and need for closure and its definitely unfortunate that your stuck at this healing stage. Life goes on . Have you considered doing something outside yourself? Meaning, helping at an event, doing something for the public needy? Sometimes by NOT focusing on our wounds, they tend to heal or at the least, give us reprieve. I am not saying you are not worth tending to your emotional pains. But sometimes we need to stop, regroup and go in another direction, because wallowing in the pain doesnt make it go away...
AmericanHoney Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Glad I could help. My ex and I broke up and it took me a really,really long time to get over him but eventually I just said you know what?? Screw it! I am going to go out have fun meet new people try the online dating scene and enjoy life. Sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't. That is all part of dating unfourtunely. I used to think hey I need a man to be happy but I soon realized actually I don't! I promise someday you will meet someone someday:) Think positively and go out there and have fun!
Author Sugarkane Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 I just wish that my ex would at least regret it. When I look at family and friends relationships, I see now how crap mine was. I see how my ex put absolutely no effort into what we had.
Author Sugarkane Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 I've tried seeing others since the split, but nothing has worked out. I'm feeling super discouarged. I'm sick and tired of all the BS that goes into dating.
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