Mr.Harris Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Oh Mr. Harris. You are a funny one. If I'm not mistaken, you really can't make anyone do something they don't want to do. SO if this guy wants to continue contacting me there's really nothing I can do about it. Of course you can't control anyone, but if you honestly wanted this guy to stop contacting you, it would be done. For the record. I have changed my cell phone number. I have deleted an email address that we used to communicate on. Hell, I've even moved THREE TIMES You did all of that and somehow, somewhere, he still knows how to reach you. That's quite telling, isn't it? What I can't change is.......He knows where I work, My work phone number & email address are both public knowledge. Nothing I can do about that. And you can get it changed or block him. I am respecting my husband's wishes on this. He has said to just let it go & ignore him. I am. Always have. From the first email. See this is why I believe this is a lie, because you didn't mention him saying that in the beginning. It began with you replying about how you don't want to stop contact with him. My Sagittarius personality is constantly going to want to know the Why's Of The World. It's just who I am. Which is why I don't let his emails upset me anymore. This thread wasn't started because I was frazzled by him. It was started because I was hoping someone that had contacted an ex would tell me their reason why. But from your past thread you created about this same question, about this same situation, you already know the answer and what you need to do. It's not rocket science. You know how you must proceed, but you refuse to do anything about it.
Mr.Harris Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 (Now we will hear an obligatory rant about all the reasons why she can't get a lawyer or go to court.) Exactly. She knows what she must do.
Mr.Harris Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Prove that from that point on its still an A Because you're still talking to the person you had an affair with. But since you're "StoneCold Steve Austin," I get the feeling you won't stop contact with her.
StoneCold Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 No they're not important. That's infatuation.. Prove this It was never love in the first place. .. ... again....prove this If he made it impossible to be friends with him after the booty then why say you believe you could still be friends with him. .. She was talking about the concept in general This affair is still going on if you keep letting him contact you and keeping this from your husband. Its only an affair if shes emotionally and or physically into it...which apparently shes not
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 According to you this repeated contact from OM is unwanted which amounts to harassment/stalking, which is illegal. So, get a lawyer to send a letter or go to court and get a restraining order. (Now we will hear an obligatory rant about all the reasons why she can't get a lawyer or go to court.) :lmao: No "Rant" Because it's preposterous & WAY OFF TOPIC. See this is why I believe this is a lie, because you didn't mention him saying that in the beginning. It began with you replying about how you don't want to stop contact with him. Mr. Harris. You really don't pay much attention do you. I have said all along that I told my husband & told him again the last time I posted a thread on this topic.
StoneCold Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Because you're still talking to the person you had an affair with. But since you're "StoneCold Steve Austin," I get the feeling you won't stop contact with her. LOL simply talking to someone doesnt substantiate anything.... Would I stop contact with her?...it depends...but If I decide not to cheat anymore I wont regardless
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Evidently OP is still in love with her stalker. ..............And the award for Funniest One Liner Goes To......Drum Roll Please.............JC
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 That's not "ignoring" him, so you are disobeying your husband's wishes. Huh?
What_Next Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Since it appears to have been brought up, having any ongoing communication with an affair partner is an absolute deal breaker for me. There seems to me NO possible justification for that sort of behavior and the person entertaining it is showing a clear pattern of ongoing selfish and disrespectful behavior. I just cannot understand how anyone could continue behavior like this and treat their significant other in that manner. CIK, I am NOT saying you are doing this by the way. I do still strongly believe that if you wanted to stop this contact you could do so and fairly easily as well, you seem unwilling to do so though and that leaves me puzzled. Side track, how about you (and your husband) draft a communication to him and make it CRYSTAL clear that you never again wish ANY communication with this person and if he chooses to ignore this wish you will have a TRO taken out against him. It still seems to me that you have many avenues available to you to terminate this contact. You say you have changed your cell, honestly, big bloody deal. You say you have moved three times? Have you moved because of this person? if so, then a TRO is long overdue. If moving three times was because of life events, then what does that have to do with this conversation? CIK, come on now, you know that if you wanted him to cut it out you could take steps to accomplish that, the fact that you aren't is the telling thing in all of this. End the communication, put it behind you and get on with you life, he'll do just fine without you, no matter how god-like you think you are
Mr.Harris Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Prove this You prove it. ... again....prove this You prove it. She was talking about the concept in general She was referring to herself and her situation. Its only an affair if shes emotionally and or physically into it...which apparently shes not But you're still in contact with the AP, which is still cheating.
Mr.Harris Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 :lmao: No "Rant" Because it's preposterous & WAY OFF TOPIC. No it's not. Mr. Harris. You really don't pay much attention do you. I have said all along that I told my husband & told him again the last time I posted a thread on this topic. And yet here you are again posting the same thing. Obviously you like the contact since you're doing nothing to stop it.
Mr.Harris Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 LOL simply talking to someone doesnt substantiate anything.... Not unless it's the person you had an affair with. Would I stop contact with her?...it depends...but If I decide not to cheat anymore I wont regardless We all know why you won't stop talking to her. But see you're continued contact with her is still cheating. Having sexual conversations with someone while a wife is at home cannot just transform into a friendly, innocent relationship, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise.
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 WhatNext I brought those things up because it's usually the BS that shouts....... Change your cell # Delete Emails Move Change Jobs Yadda Yadda Yadda! I think it is a big deal that I have a different cell #. I also think it's a big deal that I deleted THE email address. I think it's a big deal that I moved. NO I didn't move because of him. But he did know where I lived - 3 houses ago. I think all of those things are positive steps. Not way off topic at all--it's directly on point. No, Not directly on point. Your excuse for allowing the continued contact from your OM is that you claim he knows your email and phone number and despite having changed several times and moved several times he still tracks you down. That's the definition of stalking. OMG MUST we be SO DRAMATIC? Really?
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 ig·nore (g-nôr, -nr)tr.v. ig·nored, ig·nor·ing, ig·nores To refuse to pay attention to; disregard. [French ignorer, from Old French, from Latin ignrre; see gn- in Indo-European roots.] ig·nora·ble adj. ig·norer n. Thank you for the English lesson. Yes I've disregarded / trashed / refused to pay attention / to his emails without reading them.
What_Next Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 CIK, usually the thing that the BS shouts. Yikes . You had me up until that comment, that is your usual bias against BS shining through again. It's not that a BS should be shouting these things, honestly it's the WS that should be doing them WILLINGLY! However, most WS are too self centred to see that. Come on now, acts of trust rebuilding like that should be offered up by the WS as part of any reconciliation. You seem to hold some bitterness towards these acts, again I'd have to wonder why. Why is it that you often lash out at BS? I know you will say I am reading between the lines again, or some other of your usual responses, but I am not, it is an on point direction question. You seem to have a real bone to pick with BS. Why? Can't you just accept each case by itself, why reach into that paint can and paint us all. Well you've done all these things, then why not put the final nail in your affair and do as I had suggested? I believe if you were truly willing to put the affair and it's ugliness behind you that you would. My opinion, this communication might somewhere, deep down remind you of the affair and what you got from it and you aren't willing to remove it COMPLETELY from your life just yet. Not sure, just a hunch, I could be way off base.
donnamaybe Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I believe if you were truly willing to put the affair and it's ugliness behind you that you would. My opinion, this communication might somewhere, deep down remind you of the affair and what you got from it and you aren't willing to remove it COMPLETELY from your life just yet. Not sure, just a hunch, I could be way off base. See, this is what I feel too, partly because of an attitude I see, but also because of the flavor of the posts created. This one (the purpose of which, to me, is to show LSrs that the AP still wants her) and a past one asking if it's okay to remain friends with the AP. Sorry - just had to weigh in on this point.
What_Next Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Further, you think it's a big deal that you have a new cell #? Are you kidding me. Now that is funny. Holy heck lady. One phone call, which takes less than 5 minutes to make and a communication to people that have your old cell number and DONE, wow, exhausting..... For what it's worth, sure some of the things you have posted are positive steps, in most cases I would say almost requirements for any reconciliation, but not absolutes, little can be absolute when speaking of affairs. You seem willing to go 95% of the way there to remove him from your life, why not go this last step?
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 CIK, usually the thing that the BS shouts. Yikes . You had me up until that comment, that is your usual bias against BS shining through again. It's not that a BS should be shouting these things, honestly it's the WS that should be doing them WILLINGLY! I agree. Which I did....Willingly. When I say "BS Shouts"....I'm referring to the rebel-rousers here in LS. It's really more of a figure of speech. Why is it that you often lash out at BS? I know you will say I am reading between the lines again, or some other of your usual responses, but I am not, it is an on point direction question. You seem to have a real bone to pick with BS. Why? Can't you just accept each case by itself, why reach into that paint can and paint us all. I've been accused of this. I guess I don't think it's really 'lashing out.' I guess I"m more of the...Protect the bully on the playground kinda gal. 'Lashing out' at them because they are lashing out - at whomever at the time they are lashing out at. (poor grammar....sorry) I try not to paint all BS's with the same brush. I'm sure I do from time to time. Not my intention. I (of all people) KNOW that every situation is not the same as mine- or the same as anyone elses. Well you've done all these things, then why not put the final nail in your affair and do as I had suggested? In the VERY beginining I asked him not to email me. In a very brief email. When the second one came - I told my husband again & he has said.....& because I know him, will always say - Ignore him. I guess I don't consider this stalking. He's not trying to hurt me. He's not following me around. Heaven forbid! He WAS back then a pretty nice guy. Which is why I was & am still hoping he gets the message. I don't want to contact him. That's why I haven't asked him again not to email. Frankly I'm afraid that if I do he will continue on with the emails & then my next step..........scary as it would be for me - would be to find out if he's still with the girlfriend & send the emails on to her. I DO NOT want it to come to that. In real life, face to face, I'm a very non-confrontational person too (except when it comes to my kids.......then I turn into Mama Bear:))
StoneCold Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Not unless it's the person you had an affair with.. This explains nothing We all know why you won't stop talking to her. But see you're continued contact with her is still cheating. Having sexual conversations with someone while a wife is at home cannot just transform into a friendly, innocent relationship, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise. Who said anything about "sexual conversations"???? Dude you need to lay off the Harlequin novels
What_Next Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 See that's where the diffculty lies in responding to you, your information flow comes in dribs and drabs. So you did end it with him in a brief email. Then he contacted you again, you told your H. He stuck his head in the sand (honestly I find this hard to believe, but OK). Obviously your point didn't get across. Why in the heck do you STILL seem to care about this guy so much? It is so very obvious you still have feelings for him. Why not admit it? I can only relate my own situation, recently I asked my wife what she would say to her affair partner if she was given the chance. Her response was simple "nothing, I have NOTHING to say to him, he can rot in hell for all I care". She bloody well meant it as well. Also I let her know that I was not "done" with her affair partner and that I may pay a future visit to him and her response was simple again "do whatever you need to heal, I could care less what you do to him". See I know with 100% conviction that my wife dispises her affair partner and everything he represents, as do I with the person that I conducted my revenge affair with. You seem the polar opposite, in fact you almost defend him. God why? There is more to what you are saying. I really believe there is. If you REALLY wanted him out of the picture you know you could accomplish it, it's almost as if you want to keep that door slightly ajar. Maybe that is why you often come off so angry when you speak of BS, because you aren't really done with your affair yet. Again only my observation.
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Who said anything about "sexual conversations"???? Dude you need to lay off the Harlequin novels Stone - you probably already know this........but there is MUCH reading between the lines & the need to make everything out to be WAY more than it is here in LS. Sometimes I wish my life was as exciting & filled with drama - the way some here paint it to be!!!! Bet you do too
What_Next Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I think you need to know OM loves you because that piece of knowledge is important to you. It validates you quite well. If OM had forgotten you right away your would be more miserable than now. BY the way, you are not really NC. Every time you learn OM is trying to contact you you are feeding your own addiction. Pierre, this is a very keen observation. I was trying to say the same thing yet I couldn't find the words. If you were male CIK I'd say you were trying to feed your own ego. I think it's twisted, personally. You bloody well know you could end any and all communication with him simply and easily, the fact is you don't want to and this thread is a clear example of that. Back then he wasn't a bad guy, are you kidding me? He had an affair with you. Period. End of story. Unless there is another nugget or 50 of information that I am missing....
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Seriously People............Calm Down! This thread was started as a way to ask someone that had continued to try to reach out to their EX Why? What was their motiviation? I didn't get that answer. Instead I got a pounding. Thank You. It's been an enlightening & entertaining afternoon <Peace>
What_Next Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Stone - you probably already know this........but there is MUCH reading between the lines & the need to make everything out to be WAY more than it is here in LS. There you go again with this same old statement. You seem to repeat it on almost a daily basis. Not sure what you mean by it honestly, in this thread I feel as though I've read NOTHING between the lines, only what was presented. The fact that we often have to make judgments with incomplete information makes "reading between the lines" necessary. No different than the tired old "you don't know" which I seem to read constantly, well of course we don't..... Cop out and I'll call you out on it and hold your feet to the fire.
What_Next Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 This thread was started as a way to ask someone that had continued to try to reach out to their EX Why? What was their motiviation? The fact that some questioned your motivation seems to have upset you, I hope that you spend a little time examining this. A very eye opening thread, without coming off as attacking, I think my opinion of you has been confirmed. In a word, yikes.
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