Karala Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Just after I saw him for the last time 2 weeks ago, and thought about his upcoming birthday, I couldn't imagine NOT wishing him his birthday. I figured he would feel so bad and lonely if he didn't hear from me, he would think maybe I hate him, etc. But I didn't want to do it in a manner that it would be so easy to reply, he would feel obligated to do it (i.e. text message or e-mail) because I do NOT want to hear from him at all (I'm hardcore NC) So I decided to go for a mailed card. Even decided to make it a postal card so his heart would not do a double backflip when he would see an enveloppe from me and have a moment when he would ask himself "F***, is she asking me back or writing me a long emotional letter about her feelings or what". I went ahead and bought the card, carefully picked it and thought about what I would write. (Something very short "Wishing you the best, hugs, K.") And then I thought some more and decided NOT to send it. Why? Various reasons: -on some level, even though my mind has accepted the breakup and even WANTS it, my broken heart is probably craving for any sign of interest from him and would hurt not hearing from him at all after that. -he's prone to not checking his mailbox for a week at a time and would probably find it too late anyway. -I have no freaking idea where his mind and heart are at the moment, but if ever there's a chance that he might feel guilty about stuff, he would feel even more guilty with me sending him a nice card. I don't want him feeling guilty about himself because I don't want him to feel bad, AND I'd feel even worse that he'd feel guilty about me. Like I'm this helpless creature and he think he owes me my happiness. F*** that. -I'm mad at him for not wanting to be with me. He wanted me out of his life? Let him live with the consequences of his decision. -he knows I don't hate him (we parted in such loving terms). He know that I'm doing that because I need it to heal, and not out of spite. He knows I'll be thinking of him and wishing I could have spent it with him. He probably knows it well enough already, dang it. My story is here and here for anyone who's interested. Thanks for your opinions and support - his birthday is today, and it's a sad day to spend apart from the one you love.
Gisele Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I think you were right not to send it. Stay strong! And happy birthday!! Hope you have a great day, don't focus on him if you can help it, surround yourself with distractions
Gisele Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Haha totally read that wrong and thought you said it was YOUR birthday at the end there, whoops, sorry! Even more reason not to let it get you down, he's probably missing you too, im sure when you were going out he didnt picture you not being in the picture on his birthday Try to focus on yourself, he'll be doing the same. Don't send anything because as you said, it'll only cause you pain
Sugarkane Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I'm glad you didn't send it, you would just be giving your ex an ego boost. I use to think anout doing the same thing. But then I thought why should I when: My ex never sent me one when it was my birthday. My ex dumped me by text, completely out of the blue and was hostile towards me. My ex would probably just laugh behind my back or text me telling me where to go. Never once checked up on me, when he knew that I didn't take the breakup well.
Author Karala Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 I'm glad you didn't send it, you would just be giving your ex an ego boost. I use to think anout doing the same thing. But then I thought why should I when: My ex never sent me one when it was my birthday. My ex dumped me by text, completely out of the blue and was hostile towards me. My ex would probably just laugh behind my back or text me telling me where to go. Never once checked up on me, when he knew that I didn't take the breakup well. I'm so sorry to hear that your ex has been acting like such a jerk. I can't say I'm in the same place and that's why I was hesitant about what to do - because I know my ex has always been thoughtful to me as best he could, including on birthdays, and he will probably be thinking of me today. But still, like you say, why give him that ego boost? Yeah, he will be sad, but he did it to himself right? Not my problem anymore!
MissMoni Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Thanks for posting, Karala. Your situation is similar to mine and I have been following your posts (thanks for offering so much advice on mine, as well!) I think that sometimes it is for the best that we let things go. For me, I must admit that some my motivation is spiteful - I want him to hurt like he hurt me. But why should they expect wishes from us, when they wanted us out of their lives? He will most likely be wondering why he DIDN'T hear from you. My ex's birthday is in two weeks, still debating on that facebook post...but I am proud of you!
MissMoni Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I think it has made it harder to let go. When you still are talking to your ex on social networks, it kind of makes you feel that you are still a part of their lives, even when you're not..
Author Karala Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Thanks MissMoni, this means a lot :] I'm having a rough night and having to cope with very dark thoughts,, and reading your comment has made me smile... I'm not exactly fully fonctional these days and knowing that I can be of help to other people in pain means the world to me :] I'm in a lot of anger these days (very unusual for me) and I think being at some point angry and resentful towards your ex, even finding yourself wanting to do things out of spite like you talk about, is probably unavoidable and very possibly even healthy (up to a point, of course). I keep telling myself that being angry at him and even feeling like I hate him sometimes, is okay as long as I'm not doing anything mean to act out on these feelings. And not sending an ex birthday wishes is not actively doing anything. It's actively not doing anything, lol. I don't even really hate him at all. I just hate that we couldn't be happy together. I hate that my life is not so awesome that I barely notice he's not in it anymore. I wish I can make myself a great life at last but sometimes I feel like there's no point in even trying anymore. Gotta hang in there!
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