Only Gal Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Finally i broke with my guy after we've been talking about getting married. We met on 2008 and got together at the end of the year. I broke up with him after being treated with disrespect for me and my feelings and unfairly. His priority is always to his female friends and not me (it hurts alot especially we were on LD relationship). I couldnt take it anymore and i've had enough so i called it off around 5 days ago (the whole story of the way he's treated me is in my threads on "cheating, flirting, and jealousy" forum) But now i just feel empty. I have to admit i'm missing him, i still love him, but i don't want to go back to be disrecpected and treated unfairly. it still hurts me and it's very painful. I want to find a man whose priority is for me as i give the same thing for him, respecting n protected my feelings above anything, most important is making me feel comfortable talking to him when something is bothering me, instead of being afraid to ask that he would be mad (as i had with my ex). It seems impossible to expect that from him. He loved his freedom so much while i was ready to give my life and not wanting to be free anymore. NO compromise at all from him, while i compromised n sacrifised alot of his attitude (since we have different culture). sometimes i felt he was abusing me emotionally (i realised that. but i was so in love), made me think i always was the wrong one (in fact we'r 13 years difference of age), brutally judgemental, my insecurity, made my confidence so low, and i sacrificed alot of my social life just to talk n see him via webcam. we met once in 2 months. I just feel like having someone remove all the memories i have with my ex, brain wash or something. Please advice me on how to forget him completely, and kill this love im still having for him - coz it's killing me. Help meeeeeeeee....
superchiefs Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Finally i broke with my guy after we've been talking about getting married. We met on 2008 and got together at the end of the year. I broke up with him after being treated with disrespect for me and my feelings and unfairly. His priority is always to his female friends and not me (it hurts alot especially we were on LD relationship). I couldnt take it anymore and i've had enough so i called it off around 5 days ago (the whole story of the way he's treated me is in my threads on "cheating, flirting, and jealousy" forum) But now i just feel empty. I have to admit i'm missing him, i still love him, but i don't want to go back to be disrecpected and treated unfairly. it still hurts me and it's very painful. I want to find a man whose priority is for me as i give the same thing for him, respecting n protected my feelings above anything, most important is making me feel comfortable talking to him when something is bothering me, instead of being afraid to ask that he would be mad (as i had with my ex). It seems impossible to expect that from him. He loved his freedom so much while i was ready to give my life and not wanting to be free anymore. NO compromise at all from him, while i compromised n sacrifised alot of his attitude (since we have different culture). sometimes i felt he was abusing me emotionally (i realised that. but i was so in love), made me think i always was the wrong one (in fact we'r 13 years difference of age), brutally judgemental, my insecurity, made my confidence so low, and i sacrificed alot of my social life just to talk n see him via webcam. we met once in 2 months. I just feel like having someone remove all the memories i have with my ex, brain wash or something. Please advice me on how to forget him completely, and kill this love im still having for him - coz it's killing me. Help meeeeeeeee.... I felt the same way as you when my ex broke up with me a couple months ago. However, I can tell you that if you go NC with him, things will get better every day. My worst day was the first day it happened, then I started getting better, then I would see her and the pain would all come back almost to the point of the first day that she broke things off with me. It took me a while, but eventually I figured it out that NC is the way to go. I am going on 6 straight days of NC now and I can tell you that she crosses my mind less and less. Also, during the first several weeks, I had a strong desire for her back. I now have no desire for her and if she tried to come back tomorrow, my response would be "I dont think that would be a good idea".
Mack05 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) Onlygal, I am ashamed to admit in the past that I called my ex "a cold bitch", amongst other things like criticize her past choices. I was amazed when she said to me this can be considered 'emotional abuse'. I made a decision after my last breakup that no matter what I will NEVER call a future partner of mine, a name again. Emotional Abuse on ANY level is completely unacceptable. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO ABUSE ANOTHER PERSON..Yet for some reason girls/guys will stay with abusive guys/girls whether its physical or emotional. There is an old saying that "water seeks it own level". That means your partner's flaws and issues usually go hand in hand with your own. A person that chooses a partner with a similar degree of brokenness and does a dance of dysfunction where they both know the steps. Therefore, one person cannot be so much healthier than the other. Healthy people do not dance with unhealthy people. It's nearly always people who have had traumatic pasts, who suffer from low self esteem and low self confidence and overall belief in themselves that fall for this types of guys. When I met my ex (nearly a year ago) I was an absolute mess. No self esteem, no belief in my self. I was withdrawn, my relationships with friends and family had suffered because of my addictions..I met a woman (unexpectantly) just as screwed up (in different ways) as I was. The first 3 months we're great. Just two people looking for love. I couldn't believe she loved me. I didn't love me!. But when two unhealthy people get to know each other, what eventually happens is that their emotional needs do not get met by the other person. Soon the relationship becomes toxic to both partners. Yet even though the relationship is toxic, one or both of you still wants to hang on! But why!? For me I knew I had to make drastic changes to my life after my last break up. My ex just moved on to another guy, making the exact same mistakes as she made with me. If you move on quick, the next relationship is doomed to failure because you haven't learnt your lessons from the last relationship or dealt with your feelings and emotions from the last relationship..The first thing I did was go to Therapy. My Therapist recommended "dealing with your feelings". I had no idea what that meant. She suggested looking back over my entire life, figure out what went wrong and fix it. To do that I had to confront all my mistakes in life and face the pain. The first month was the darkest of my life. I was a TOTAL mess, I didn't think I could climb the mountain. Indeed at one stage I rang my mother (On mothers day when she was on holiday with my dad) and told her my "fight was gone". You can imagine how upset my mother was so I promised her I would beat this. I opened an excruciatingly painful 'Pandora's box' of loss and grief. Things that I had never grieved for before. My gambling addictions, the loss of my grandmother, the loss of a 7 year relationship which at the time I didn't shed a tear for. Even though it was hard, I not only confronted the past, but also changed my attitude in the present, and planned for the future. PLEASE PLEASE get this book below. I promise you that you will feel it was written for you. http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Y.../dp/B0026A6C4U Here is an extract from the book.. "I learned how to have friends, interests and hobbies. As I spent time by myself discovering what I liked and what I didn't like, I was able to find my voice in relationships. The more I worked on myself and became healthier, the healthier the people in my life became. The better I treated myself, the better I was treated. As my self confidence grew, I met people who were loving and there for me when they said they would be." The author Susan j Elliot was like you right now. In a toxic relationship and still did not want to leave her husband. Until one day she got the courage to change her life as you see in the paragraph above, She is now remarried 12 years. She describes her relationship as "We've been happily married for 12 years. I can count our serious arguments on one hand. He has never called me a name. He has never made me cry. We are good partners in life and in love". Only Gal isn't that the kind of relationship we all deserve?? Edited June 14, 2011 by Mack05
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