Should I wish my Dad's gf a happy b-day?

[LuckyCharm]

I know the title sounds strange but my Dad's gf is turning out to be not such a nice person, in fact I think she's the reason why my Dad won't call me anymore or visit.

 

Anyhow her b-day is in 3 more days and I'm debating whether or not to wish her a happy b-day on facebook. last year around May was when my Dad stopped talking to me cause his gf had a problem with DH and I and we were never able to work things out because whenever I wanted to talk they never answered my calls. but even so I tried being the big person and calling his gf up on her b-day and she had quite a rude attitude towards me. I also called my Dad on his b-day and fathers day only he never answered and it left me no choice but to leave him a voice message by the end of the day.

 

Now fast forward my DD's 2nd b-day, they never called her, they didn't call my DH this past Feb. for his b-day and the worst was my Dad didn't even call me on mine, it just made me feel so sad and awful.

 

So my question is do I wish her a happy b-day or not?

I admit I do have a (greedy) motive that if I do I will have advantage over her.

However on the other side it will also show that no matter how they've treated me I'm not "getting back at them" for not calling my family on their important days. besides, I noticed she took down her b-day info this year and last year since it was up only 2 people wished her a happy b-day so I'm in kind of doubt anyone will write on her wall this year so if i do I think it would be a complete shock to her that I remembered.

 

I would really appreciate your opinions

[whichwayisup]

Do not call or write on her wall about her birthday. She isn't worth your time or effort, even more so since the real issue is between you and your dad. If he is letting his gf spoil his relationship with you, that's on him. Sure she is a bitch and a nasty woman, but your dad has chosen to allow her to manipulate him.

 

You can try to be nice to her all you want, she won't care and infact, she will be meaner and do things intentionally because you are nice and caring.

 

You need to talk to your dad, get together with him and let him know how you feel and why, that it hurts that he's cut you out of his life and isn't there for you or his grandchildren.

[LuckyCharm]

Thank you very much! your right, I won't write on her wall. in the past when ever I did something nice (this was way before I ever suspected her) it felt like she always had to do something to "top" me off, as if she was competing against me...

 

I have tried since last year to talk to my Dad, he never answers my calls unless I leave him a message and back in the times where he would return my calls I told him I wanted to talk to him, he would always say o.k but never came over to my place like I asked him too till I just stopped calling cause he made no effort. then 2 months ago I sent him a letter asking him to call me if he would like to work things out. he never called, wrote back, or visited. I really don't think he wants a relationship with me and I have no idea what I've done and don't think I'll ever know but I guess that's just life sometimes.

[whichwayisup]

Thank you very much! your right, I won't write on her wall. in the past when ever I did something nice (this was way before I ever suspected her) it felt like she always had to do something to "top" me off, as if she was competing against me...

 

I have tried since last year to talk to my Dad, he never answers my calls unless I leave him a message and back in the times where he would return my calls I told him I wanted to talk to him, he would always say o.k but never came over to my place like I asked him too till I just stopped calling cause he made no effort. then 2 months ago I sent him a letter asking him to call me if he would like to work things out. he never called, wrote back, or visited. I really don't think he wants a relationship with me and I have no idea what I've done and don't think I'll ever know but I guess that's just life sometimes.

 

You didn't do anything wrong. Your dad has issues and doesn't want to deal with them, so he avoids... Please don't blame yourself. You made the effort continually to reach out to him and shown him that you do love him and want him in your life.. I suggest to back off and stop trying. He may notice this, the effort has stopped and he'll come forward, make an effort. In the meantime focus on you, your kids and others that you care about and that are there for you.

 

Sorry that your dad is treating you this way. It pisses me off because he has no idea what he's missing out on with you and his grandchildren.

[LuckyCharm]

You didn't do anything wrong. Your dad has issues and doesn't want to deal with them, so he avoids... Please don't blame yourself. You made the effort continually to reach out to him and shown him that you do love him and want him in your life.. I suggest to back off and stop trying. He may notice this, the effort has stopped and he'll come forward, make an effort. In the meantime focus on you, your kids and others that you care about and that are there for you.

 

Sorry that your dad is treating you this way. It pisses me off because he has no idea what he's missing out on with you and his grandchildren.

 

It really pisses off my DH too, cause he's missed out on most of my life and now he's missing out on his only grandchild's life, it makes me sad but to be honest I sometimes think it's for the best cause he treats us like garbage and I don't want my Daughter being in that kind of environment.

 

I stopped calling him 6 months ago cause he just didn't seem to care and the letter I sent was my last attempt to reach out to him, maybe he never got the letter, DH and I both suspect his gf got to it first and hid it, but even so with or without a letter he knows my number as well as my address and chooses not to talk.

[WhisperinnWinds]

I'm wondering what else took place before this divide. Was there a fight between the two of you, or just a gradual (or even quick) parting where suddenly your father wasn't available to you anymore? There are two sides to every story - have you tried asking either of them (when you can get any contact with them) why they've started to treat you the way that they have?

 

Was your father attentive and interested in you and your family before? If so, it leads me to believe something else is going on. But if he's always been whimsy and the type to fade in and out of his childrens' lives based on who he's dating, it's not surprising.

 

It's not surprising that a girlfriend would want him to cut off contact with his family. She may well be jealous that he has another family that's competing with her. Does she have an ex-husband or any children of her own?

 

After all of that, the answer is obvious - drop contact with these people. You're investing yourself emotionally into a situation where they've made clear what they think of you. You've even continued to remember important events while they've just allowed yours to go entirely unnoticed. Dad may find himself rather lonely at the end of his life when he realizes he's split with his girlfriend - and alienated his entire family.

[Tayla]

Actions speak louder then words. Save your words and actively move on. When the olive branch is released and you can talk thru things, do so then. Until such, accentuate the positive, you know where your father stands.

 

Odd that you only want to wish her well to get the upperhand. The upperhand of appearing to be the "better" person? Seriously if you dont like her , you dont like her, you dont need to fake it. I'd respect ya for not liking her and moving on, insincere well wishes simply are that, insincere.

[LuckyCharm]

I'm wondering what else took place before this divide. Was there a fight between the two of you, or just a gradual (or even quick) parting where suddenly your father wasn't available to you anymore? There are two sides to every story - have you tried asking either of them (when you can get any contact with them) why they've started to treat you the way that they have?

 

For this whole year I have been trying to talk to my Dad to see his side of the story but he always has an excuse why he can't see me.

Before this all happened there was no fight between my Dad and I, my Dad's gf felt like my DH was rude to her, it is true he was a bit on the sassy side but then he calmed down and explained himself to her and we thought everything was o.k till she made this huge deal out of it. my Aunt is even surprised at how huge she made this. DH even called Dad's gf up to apologize but she was very rude to him, I asked my Dad about it and he said everything is o.k now, I told him I would like to talk to him and since then he has been ignoring my calls and making excuses.

 

Was your father attentive and interested in you and your family before?

 

That part is a bit complicated, when I was young my parents divorced, my mom made false accusations about my Dad and then she took me to another country and told me my Dad doesn't love me, only when I was an adult I would out she lied and she hid letters he sent me over the years.

 

It's not surprising that a girlfriend would want him to cut off contact with his family. She may well be jealous that he has another family that's competing with her. Does she have an ex-husband or any children of her own?

 

She has 3 grown kids and 3 or 4 ex husbands . Since the day I met her I felt as if she was trying to compete with me but I always pushed that feeling aside along with other things she's done.

 

Another thing that might be worth to mention is that from day one I could tell she didn't like my DH and would always make rude comments to him, then as time went on she started being rude to me, of course she would never to it in front of my Dad.

 

Dad may find himself rather lonely at the end of his life when he realizes he's split with his girlfriend - and alienated his entire family.

 

That is something I fear very much of.

 

 

Odd that you only want to wish her well to get the upperhand. The upperhand of appearing to be the "better" person? Seriously if you dont like her , you dont like her, you dont need to fake it. I'd respect ya for not liking her and moving on, insincere well wishes simply are that, insincere.

 

I know but I thought I should mention that, as I don't want to sound like a hypocrite but on some level I thought if I did wish her a happy b-day my Dad might see it and remember me...I know that sounds cheesy!

Your right, I don't like her, at least not any more but when I am around her (which is now once a year) I am polite and respectful forwards her.

[D-Lish]

For this whole year I have been trying to talk to my Dad to see his side of the story but he always has an excuse why he can't see me.

 

Before this all happened there was no fight between my Dad and I, my Dad's gf felt like my DH was rude to her, it is true he was a bit on the sassy side but then he calmed down and explained himself to her and we thought everything was o.k till she made this huge deal out of it. my Aunt is even surprised at how huge she made this. DH even called Dad's gf up to apologize but she was very rude to him, I asked my Dad about it and he said everything is o.k now, I told him I would like to talk to him and since then he has been ignoring my calls and making excuses.

 

That part is a bit complicated, when I was young my parents divorced, my mom made false accusations about my Dad and then she took me to another country and told me my Dad doesn't love me, only when I was an adult I would out she lied and she hid letters he sent me over the years.

 

She has 3 grown kids and 3 or 4 ex husbands . Since the day I met her I felt as if she was trying to compete with me but I always pushed that feeling aside along with other things she's done.

 

Another thing that might be worth to mention is that from day one I could tell she didn't like my DH and would always make rude comments to him, then as time went on she started being rude to me, of course she would never to it in front of my Dad.

 

That is something I fear very much of.

 

I know but I thought I should mention that, as I don't want to sound like a hypocrite but on some level I thought if I did wish her a happy b-day my Dad might see it and remember me...I know that sounds cheesy!

Your right, I don't like her, at least not any more but when I am around her (which is now once a year) I am polite and respectful forwards her.

 

You've had a tough life girl, my heart goes out to you.

 

Bottom line is that your dad is just as much at fault as his gf in all of this. Ultimataly, he is the one that has the authority to decide to speak to his daughter or not. You know what? He chooses NOT to deal with it.

 

Guess what? None of this is your fault. Your parents are at fault.

 

I am sure all of this hurts like hell, how could it NOT?

 

My advice to you is to focus on your own family- make sure you don't ever make your child feel the way you do currently. It's obvious you're a good mom- and your child will never grow up in the same situation you did. That's your salvation in all of this.

 

Your dad's a dick, sorry to say. Surround yourself with family or people that support and nourish you- ignore the ones that don't.

 

Whatever you do, don't blame yourself, or let it get to you.

 

You have kids, you want a connection with your dad, you want him to be a part of your life and their life... He can't be bothered. Screw him.

 

Concentrate on your own family, make sure your kids get the love and support you probably didn't get growing up. That's what it's all about- looking after you and your own.