TurningTables Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Hi all. I am fairly new here. Ive posted a couple of times. Mostly I have been reading, thinking, laughing and even feeling hurt for some of the posters on here. Ive finally gotten the courage to post that Ive gone to NC. I just wanted to thank you all for the advice you have given to other posters. It has sank in that my situation isnt any different than anyone else's. No matter how the EA started. I have also realized that my self worth is so much MORE than what he was dishing out to me. Today, Ive lost my best friend of (+2 years but known for 20) but Ive gained so much more respect for myself. Again, thank you. Youve touched more lives than you realized with your honesty and "hard truths". Just because someone dosent post their situation or join, dosent mean that you are not reaching out to someone who needs it. So keep up the good work.
BB07 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I wish good things for you TurningTables and a speedy recovery.
donnamaybe Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Everyone deserves to have reasonable expectations in a R. If sharing a man doesn't't meet your needs, then you should find someone willing to give you at least that. Keep thinking toward a better future. I am sure you will have that!
fooled once Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Glad to hear that you respect yourself more and refuse to be someones mistress! Stay strong and post here when you need strength or encouragement!
Breezy Trousers Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Hi all. I am fairly new here. Ive posted a couple of times. Mostly I have been reading, thinking, laughing and even feeling hurt for some of the posters on here. Ive finally gotten the courage to post that Ive gone to NC. I just wanted to thank you all for the advice you have given to other posters. It has sank in that my situation isnt any different than anyone else's. No matter how the EA started. I have also realized that my self worth is so much MORE than what he was dishing out to me. Today, Ive lost my best friend of (+2 years but known for 20) but Ive gained so much more respect for myself. Again, thank you. Youve touched more lives than you realized with your honesty and "hard truths". Just because someone dosent post their situation or join, dosent mean that you are not reaching out to someone who needs it. So keep up the good work. Maybe you'll feel like posting here later. I lurked here for over year while I was in the EA and didn't post until several months after my experience ended. Just a thought .... Hope to hear from you again. And I'm glad you making this stand for yourself. That's huge.
Ms. Red Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Hi all. I am fairly new here. Ive posted a couple of times. Mostly I have been reading, thinking, laughing and even feeling hurt for some of the posters on here. Ive finally gotten the courage to post that Ive gone to NC. I just wanted to thank you all for the advice you have given to other posters. It has sank in that my situation isnt any different than anyone else's. No matter how the EA started. I have also realized that my self worth is so much MORE than what he was dishing out to me. Today, Ive lost my best friend of (+2 years but known for 20) but Ive gained so much more respect for myself. Again, thank you. Youve touched more lives than you realized with your honesty and "hard truths". Just because someone dosent post their situation or join, dosent mean that you are not reaching out to someone who needs it. So keep up the good work. I hope you are correct in dumping a 20 year friend based on posts from random people on a website. I really hope that there is more reason for you giving up on your 2 decade friendship than that. You must have known things weren't well and came here to read up on things before doing this drastic measure. That's a long time to be friends with someone and I really hope you took all things into consideration before dumping him. I recently ended a 15 year friendship with someone that wasn't over relationship reasons. But I really miss him. I wonder if there was anything I could have done different on my part to keep the friendship. My advice is to ask yourself if this is what you really want. Is this someone you want to lose out of your life after 20 years?
Author TurningTables Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Thank you for all your encouragements! It means alot. I think I have learned alot about myself throughout this whole process. Not to mention how much A's hurt people that you really didnt set out to. The whole process is painful and life changing. Everyone here has given me the opportunity to see the "other side" of things and it opened my eyes. I am just glad I used my brain on this one! I will most likely get the nerve to post my story soon. Its still fresh and new in my mind and heart. I think I need to move away from it first.
Author TurningTables Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 I hope you are correct in dumping a 20 year friend based on posts from random people on a website. I really hope that there is more reason for you giving up on your 2 decade friendship than that. You must have known things weren't well and came here to read up on things before doing this drastic measure. That's a long time to be friends with someone and I really hope you took all things into consideration before dumping him. I recently ended a 15 year friendship with someone that wasn't over relationship reasons. But I really miss him. I wonder if there was anything I could have done different on my part to keep the friendship. My advice is to ask yourself if this is what you really want. Is this someone you want to lose out of your life after 20 years? Hi Ms.Red. Ive asked myself over and over your exact question. What exactly is a friendship worth? My friend ( who is M, deciding whether or not to stay in his M) and I ( In the proces of a D) crossed those lines. We became dependant on one another. It smacked me in the face about two months ago that we were indeed having an EA and it was heading towards becoming physical. There was NO other options other than to say goodbye. He was my best friend before I realized what was happening. I had to stop it. I cannot commit myself to someone who isnt mine. I am not sure what the future holds, but I will walk away knowing what I did was the right thing, even though it hurts.
ladydesigner Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Hi Ms.Red. Ive asked myself over and over your exact question. What exactly is a friendship worth? My friend ( who is M, deciding whether or not to stay in his M) and I ( In the proces of a D) crossed those lines. We became dependant on one another. It smacked me in the face about two months ago that we were indeed having an EA and it was heading towards becoming physical. There was NO other options other than to say goodbye. He was my best friend before I realized what was happening. I had to stop it. I cannot commit myself to someone who isnt mine. I am not sure what the future holds, but I will walk away knowing what I did was the right thing, even though it hurts. You are a very strong person for seeing this and then not allowing things to go further. You walked away with integrity and dignity. You should be proud! Though I am sorry you had to leave behind a great friendship, I hope you find peace and healing in the days ahead.
Author TurningTables Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 You are a very strong person for seeing this and then not allowing things to go further. You walked away with integrity and dignity. You should be proud! Though I am sorry you had to leave behind a great friendship, I hope you find peace and healing in the days ahead. Aww..Thank you! I am trying to be strong but its hard. When someone who you used to talk to everyday and was your confidant is suddenly gone, its devasting. My heart hurts so much it feels as though it will explode at times. However, I keep telling myself that IF he does leave is M and after some time has gone by, maybe (just maybe) we can be friends again..and who knows..maybe more. Then again, I may not talk to him again. And on the flip side, if he stays, I only wish the best for him. I hope that I gave him the greatest gift a friend could by walking away. Who knows? In the meantime, I am working on me and standing on my own two feet for the first time in my entire life. It feels nice! I did want to clarify something though, he is not thinking of leaving his M because of me or to be with me. That M was in trouble before I entered the picture a long time ago. I have told him what Ive learned from here. That it takes time, you must mourn the loss of the M and adjust to the new life that is ahead. So, in reality, I have you guys to thank for that advice.
fooled once Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 You are a very strong person for seeing this and then not allowing things to go further. You walked away with integrity and dignity. You should be proud! Though I am sorry you had to leave behind a great friendship, I hope you find peace and healing in the days ahead. Completely agree with LD! She is such a smart & amazing woman! I also want to add that while I do understand the hurt you are feeling, please don't hang onto "hope". It can leave you paralyzed and unable to move forward with your life, which only hurts you in the long run.
Author TurningTables Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Completely agree with LD! She is such a smart & amazing woman! I also want to add that while I do understand the hurt you are feeling, please don't hang onto "hope". It can leave you paralyzed and unable to move forward with your life, which only hurts you in the long run. Hi fooled once..Dont worry. I am not about to wait for anyone. If someone else comes along, I am going to try to be open to it after some time alone. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and people come in and out of lives to teach us a lesson. And thank you for the compliment.However, I dont feel very smart right now. I kinda feel stupid for getting into this situation in the first place. I agree with alot of posters on here, you dont set out to be in a EA/PA, they just sort of creep up on you. In my case, Ive known him for sooo long, I never thought in my wildest dreams Id have feelings beyond friendship. It shocked and surprised me.
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