myname Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Well, it's been over a month since it was over. He's still in contact with me, this is something I can't just block as it's through work. He would pick up the whole affair again (albeit probably much worse conditions for me with having to keep to the conditions necessary to keep it from his wife after umpteen d-days), I'm not going to do that. Just this weekend and then today have been feeling really sad about it all. Considering finding a new job, but that in itself is a job. I just feel sorry for myself I suppose, that I got myself into this situation. Life seems quite hard at the moment, everything feels unresolved and I feel like I have lots of things to do to move on from this. It's overwhelming at times and I wish I had someone who really cared to support me or just to talk to about it all. Who would be there for me no matter what or when.
donnamaybe Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Awww, honey. You'll be okay. I know I said this before, but the hurt will lessen over time, and you'll get yourself back. But you'll be wiser for the experience, right? Don't you have some friends you can "go outside and play" with? DO IT! Buy some flowers and put them in a vase on your dining table to enjoy. A new scented candle, maybe lavendar (soothing). Sometimes just little things can help our mood. Make sure and get in some workout time too. It really helps your mood. I know you're probably not feeling like doing it, but even if you put on some good music and dance in your living room, that helps.
Silly_Girl Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Well, it's been over a month since it was over. He's still in contact with me, this is something I can't just block as it's through work. He would pick up the whole affair again (albeit probably much worse conditions for me with having to keep to the conditions necessary to keep it from his wife after umpteen d-days), I'm not going to do that. Just this weekend and then today have been feeling really sad about it all. Considering finding a new job, but that in itself is a job. I just feel sorry for myself I suppose, that I got myself into this situation. Life seems quite hard at the moment, everything feels unresolved and I feel like I have lots of things to do to move on from this. It's overwhelming at times and I wish I had someone who really cared to support me or just to talk to about it all. Who would be there for me no matter what or when. Oh dear! It is hard. Moving on (from anything significant) is bloody hard and takes massive strength. Which, of course, you have. Re the bolded though... I KNOW it's lovely to have some support, someone to talk things over with, a hug or a kiss. But, when all's said and done, no matter who is in your life, that sh.it needs dealing with. It would be there. And it would be YOUR sh.it. Im not trying to pull you down, I'm just saying that your strength is what will get you to the great place you're headed to. Not MM's or anyone else's.
Author myname Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Thanks, I know it's down to me to pull me through this, sometimes it's nice to have a shoulder to cry on too, just missing that, but I do remember that shoulder I was leaning on was always being pulled out from under me to go back to it's wife and other life. I've put some music on, and some lights! Realised I was sitting in the gloom of the evening, with no distraction at all from my thoughts, that's not going to help matters.
TurboGirl Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I understand that it is so hard to move on. I would look for another job, PRONTO, and get out of there. He was never really there for you - you know that. You need to be kind to yourself, and take care of your needs and your emotions. This xMM is no good. Come on now, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, work on the resume and get it out there. You can find something else and start fresh and then you can be in a much better frame of mind every day because you know he won't be there at the office.
Author myname Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Thanks, it's really good to hear what you're all saying. I'll just clarify he's very rarely actually in the office at work, so it's not as bad as it could be. But, the memories, the fact that he contacts me through other work colleagues if I ignore his direct contact to me, and still having him 'there' even if not 'there' means I really think it is best to start looking for a new job. It's hard work getting out of this.
Silly_Girl Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 It's hard work getting out of this. 'Getting'. You're getting there!!!
Breezy Trousers Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Thanks, it's really good to hear what you're all saying. I'll just clarify he's very rarely actually in the office at work, so it's not as bad as it could be. But, the memories, the fact that he contacts me through other work colleagues if I ignore his direct contact to me, and still having him 'there' even if not 'there' means I really think it is best to start looking for a new job. It's hard work getting out of this. I agree. I understand your reluctance to start looking for a job. It's hard enough to deal with this loss without having to put together a resume and face with more change. However, I think leaving is the best choice. It will make your healing move along much more quickly. I wouldn't be surprised if doors suddenly fly open for you, even in this tight job market. That's how it happened for my girlfriend who left her workplace to get away from MM. She was at her new job within three weeks of giving a recruiter her resume ... Maybe it's naive, but it seems when you've learned all your lessons & need to move on, life will do everything to support you in that. The friend who was in her new job within three weeks was doing very well. Then MM called her. Now she's trying to get out of the affair again. She regrets not keeping tight boundaries around NC. So that's an important thing to consider, if you do leave.
josephin Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 dear its the hardest decision ever coz am there right now and the memories are so fresh.my pal adviced me with a single word,Dont i deserve more than just second best?in due tym that wound will be healed and you wont regret it.something better awaits you and tym will tell you more
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