lovesickmonkey Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I kept wondering about something that's been bothering me. Three weeks before she dumped me, my gf insisted that I get a haircut. "Your hair is too long and it looks crazy." I immediately got it cut to please her. The following week she began with, "You and I should have a weight loss contest! We both need to lose weight." I resisted at first but then gave in and immediately changed my diet and began running. But for all her insistence that we begin this fitness program, she seemed only mildly enthusiastic about following it. It was baffling, along with other behaviors, including coming home drunk, not interested in sex, etc. Then she dumped me and it all made sense, except for the haircut and new diet thing. But today I was mulling it over (as we all tend to do) and realized ... she was trying to "fix" me. She realized she was dumping me back on to the market and that I would need to be more presentable to meet someone new ... she was trying to do f***ing repairs!! I was humiliated anew! Of all the psychotic maneuvers she pulled to end our relationship, this was a prize! I'm stifling cries while waiting in line at the post office. Such humilliation. I mean, I realize that her emotional age is approximately 6-8 years, but I'm still humilliated ... One step forward, two steps back in moving on.
Eeyore79 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 If she cared so little about you that she dumped you, I hardly think she would bother to make the effort of fixing you so you could have an easier time finding someone else - she wouldn't care what happened to you. Maybe she tried to improve you as a last ditch attempt to save the relationship? She polished you up as best she could, hoping it might renew her attraction to you, but it didn't work.
Author lovesickmonkey Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Your ideas were among my first considerations. I can't make sense of it. And really, I was in worse shape and had crazier hair when she first decided to pursue me. Just makes no sense.
Royal Guy Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I partly agree with Eeyore79. The thing is something similar happened with me before I was dumped. When she confessed that shes in love with me too in 2008, I told her to a great extent love is based on looks, atleast love at first sight surely is to which she was in an argumentative mood as for me it was love at first sight but it was love, for her it was my immense support ( that helped her to get over her ex who dumped her ) that helped her get over him and walk hand in hand with me. I wanted to have a relationship with her but she made it clear that she is not ready for a relationship and I totally respected that then. Recently before I was dumped in May, in around Dec-Jan she told me, " You know, I agree to your point now, love to a great extent is based on looks and physical appearance. I said yes, but at that time I didn't get what she was trying to imply. The thing is I had put on around 7 kgs and even she did put on around 3 and turned a lil flabby, but it didn't affect me as much as it did to her. The funny thing is when she left I was totally devastated and didn't take of myself for almost 7-8 days and from that day till now I have lost 7 kgs, I wish they could bring her back or I could keep her. She used to tell me how another friend of her ( her now BF ) is working out when she told him to and that he has a muscle or two popping out here and there. So if she talked about appearance, it, to a GREAT EXTENT means, I don't like your body anymore ( it really doesn't matter if its the same or not ). I am sorry if I am sounding harsh, but it happened to me and I am trying to relate and answer to your question.
Author lovesickmonkey Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 RoyalGuy you have a good point. When she was in love, physical "defects" were hardly a distraction. It seemed when she was not in love she could easily point to the defects (that were always there) as sound reasons contributing to the rejection. Sigh. It is just so hard to believe ...
Royal Guy Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) Same is with me man, all along that she was with me she told me she loves my back, biceps and broad shoulders ( 43" ) and I have seen her literally staring at those parts and touching and taking good feel of them, especially on bike rides and this guy, who she is with now is lean, with 36" shoulders and no signs of broad chest and ofcourse back would be lean. I can't believe it. She was obsessed with my athletic body even when I was 7 kgs above my normal weight. And shes with a guy who is an inch taller than me with skinny n lean body, I am sure she weighs more than hm X-/ and she sleeps with him. You can never say when this happens man . Its very sad and depressing. PS. Missed the important point, she used to hate lean guys like anything. Whenever we were out somewhere she would point out lean people. I don't mean any disrespect towards anyone who is lean, I was just putting my point here. Edited June 13, 2011 by Royal Guy
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