aimeeg Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Hey guys, so this is my story. It's really long so thank you so much if you read it. I'm struggling a lot and I need help and advice and input as soon as possible. I'm 18 years old for starters and my best friend is JUST turning 17. We've been the best of friends for about three years now. We always have a great time together and I've been there for her throughout every obstacle she's faced and vice versa. She started dating this guy (who is 20 going on 21) about 5 1/2 months ago. He's always been very inconsiderate of me and shows no respect to me whatsoever. I have a boyfriend who I've been dating for a 1 1/2 years and he shows my best friend the UP MOST respect. So with Arielle's (my best friend) boyfriend, he just doesn't give a **** about me. I find that to be extremely rude. My boyfriend treats her with respect and everything because he knows it can't workout if my best friend doesn't like him, especially if the reason why she doesn't like him is because of something he did. So Arielle's boyfriend, Brandon, has slowly but surely gotten on my bad side. For starters, on prom night me, Arielle, Brandon, my boyfriend, and a mutual friend who didn't have a date stayed at a hotel together. I made sure Bryan wasn't fifth wheel so I didn't leave him out of the group, although I could have since my boyfriend was there. However, Arielle and Brandon definitely left us all out and did there own thing, and I told Arielle I was upset and Brandon knew. Brandon very well knew I was upset because they were leaving everyone out and cuddling and being awkward and he did nothing to change it. That was strike one where I knew he didn't care. Strike two- I was getting my industrial pierced and Arielle was getting her tragus pierced. Both boyfriends came with us, but Arielle wanted it to be "our thing" so my boyfriend sat behind the counter when I got my piercing done. So when she got her piercing done, Brandon basically pushed me out of the way and made me let go of her hands and really had no respect or consideration for me like my boyfriend had towards her. I even told Brandon to stand where my boyfriend was behind the counter and he refused. Strike three- Me and Arielle were hanging out and I asked her if we could have a "no boyfriend" night since she ALWAYS wants to hangout with him. I just wanted some time alone with my best friend. She agreed. She was invited to a party so we attended it without our boyfriends. Neither of us cheated or anything, we just had a good time and hungout with some friends, nothing happened. So Brandon had a big problem with this and having a "no boyfriend" night. I don't understand, can I NOT hangout with my best friend and him being okay with it? And this is what happened last night-Arielle's 17th birthday is tomorrow. Me and Arielle didn't have set plans, but I was thinking of doing something with her for her birthday since after all, I am her best friend. She told me yesterday that Brandon is working all day tomorrow on her birthday so he made reservations for the two of them to do something during the evening. Arielle told Brandon that she wanted to see me for her birthday and he said that she can see me during the day. This really ticked me off. Since I'm her best friend, he could have been a little considerate and at least asked me if I had anything planned for her birthday, instead of assuming I didn't or not caring and making plans anyways. Me and Arielle were fighting and she told Brandon to text me I guess. He texted me asking why I think he's an inconsiderate ******* and whatnot, so I sent him about a 15 page text telling him EVERYTHING that I basically said above ^. I also told him that I think he's inconsiderate of me and disrespectful and he basically just said "okay well I want to spend time with her and want her to myself sometimes" and I said "sometimes is a lot different than what it's been. I totally understand that she means a lot to you and I respect you with her but I don't get respected by you." All he responded saying was "we're in the beginning of our relationship and I want to spend a lot of time with her but I'm sorry for making you feel like this." And I said "there's honestly no excuse, respect is RESPECT whether you've been married for 10 years or dating for 2 weeks. I can't accept your apology until I see you start to respect me. Sorry if that's harsh but I'm really hurt right now." He then said "Okay Aimee. I wouldn't like to be in your position either" I then started telling him how hurt I was and why he hasn't said a word about anything I said above and he said he has nothing to say because he doesn't agree with certain topics. I told him he was blowing everything off and to explain to me what he didn't agree with and whatever else. I never got a text back from him. Me and Arielle then began to fight because she just kept saying how hard it was for them... I feel like I am the total victim and she isn't acknowledging it. She's letting him slide by without changing anything. He's being a piece of **** to me and she's not stopping it, therefore she's being a piece of **** to me because she represents him. Lots of arguing happened and basically it came down to "I can't be friends with you as long as you're dating him" And I don't know where we stand right now. She made it very clear to me that she's not going to break up with him. Which makes me upset that she has NO doubt she will leave him because they've only been together for 5 months and she's not even 17 years old yet, and I've been there for her and we've been such best friends and I'm just so hurt. She told me that he wants to talk with the three of us alone and work things out. But I really can't see anything working out. I dislike her boyfriend so much, he's a huge disrepsectful *******. What should I do? Was I too harsh? I need help!!
SpiralOut Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I think your friend's boyfriend is controlling. She lets him do it because she's afraid of losing him if he doesn't get things his own way. Or maybe he is mean to her if she says no to him, who knows. I don't think it's very likely that he will ever show you the respect that you want because frankly he only cares about what he wants and isn't willing to admit or apologize when he is an ass: notice how he said "sorry if it upset you" when he should have said "sorry I did those things." At this point the best thing may be to stand back and let things go as they go. The more you start fights with them, the more you push them away. I am wondering if this is what he is wanting: for you to get so fed up with him that you stop being her friend and then finally he gets her all to himself. One of my friends, years ago, had a boyfriend like this. We couldn't do much about it but try and be understanding each time she ditched us for him or had to say no because he didn't want her to go out with us. Yeah, she needed his permission to go do things. We didn't argue or anything, just tried to stand by as friends so she still had someone to call whenever she needed someone. Eventually the relationship did end. And then she jumped into another one just like it, but that's another story. Long story short, the best you can do, IMO, is be there for her as a friend and understand that she isn't doing this to hurt you.
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