Should I ask my ex GF for sex (Bear with me - hear me out on this one!!)

[CrazyMiner]

Hi guys,

 

Bear with me on this one guys and gals, I'm not some creep just looking to convert an ex GF into a F-buddy or anything, sex was an issue with our relationship so I would ask that you have a read through.

 

I spoke to my ex GF about a week ago and we were chatting over some things. The separation came up in conversation and I told her that, in a way, I still didn't fully understand why it had happened. She told me that I did know, but I asked her to clarify. She then came out with that it was due to our sex life.

 

As a bit of a background, we were together for 8 years, living together for 5 years, and broke up 3 months ago. About 5 years into the relationship we started to have some intimacy issues which were centered around a few things. 1) She was diagnosed with a medical condition which would mean that she may find it hard to have children and as a result suffered from a bout of depression for a few months, 2) I became ill with a long term medical problem (which I still have) which I was embarressed about and reduced my interest in sex (due to the embarressment, not due to lack of desire), and 3) she found sex with me unnerving and stressful sometimes due to the problems we were having in terms of health etc which seemed to take a lot of the fun away. Due to these problems we both sort of drew away from sex for about 2 years, at one point averaging it only once a month.

 

She is quite a sexually driven person, and so am I, but due to what happened we just stopped clicking sexually for a while. We did go to a counsellor for a session but as it was run by a charity and their books were full and it meant that they wouldn't be able to see us for another 6 weeks, and so as a result we forgot about it and didn't go back. It's a shame, I felt the session helped and I really opened up, and perhaps if we had gone back we could have worked on the problems.

 

So my question is this - since we broke up, I have been practising sex and learning techniques whilst I've been on the odd date, and feel that I have got much better, and would be able to please her as she wanted rather than the 'wham bam thank you mam' style we were having towards the end. She is dating someone at the moment (1 month) but I feel and have heard from friends that it is more sexually orientated than anything else as they live 1.5 hours each way drive from each other, and so think that this is her trying to re-engage sexually, more with herself than with a particular person.

 

We did speak about 2 weeks ago and I mentioned going out on a date and she said that she wasn't sure that we would be able to as her feelings hadn't changed since the break-up, although she had hoped that they would and had been telling me for the first 2 months that "after the dust has settled and we have seen the new people we will become perhaps we could try a re-run". I could tell that by these 'feelings' the issues we had with sex were high on her agenda, and I think she is worried that we still wouldn't work sexually, although of course she doesn't know that I have been working to develop my sexual knowledge so that we could fully enjoy this part of a relationship again, which she finds very important.

 

So, it's a bit of a weird thing to ask, and I wouldn't want to come across as a creep, but is it worth discussing with her? I know it was a big deal to her and so if we can discuss things sexually and try to re-connect that way to ensure that the issues are still not there I think it's worth a shot.

[JR2315]

I would just move one tbh. In my opinion a relationship based purely on sex would never work out to begin with. I mean is this really what you want? If she really did love you she wouldnt have left you because of your lack of sexual intimacy. You need someone that will be with you no matter what! if you were to get into an accident will this woman be strong enough to take care of you? or will she just break down and leave you when times get hard?

 

Be smart my friend