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2 weeks NC ever since I got "the call" & now an unprovoked email...

california15

By california15
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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california15 Established Member

california15

Posted
Posted

Two lines.

 

That's it.

 

"She makes me happier than anyone I've ever been with and if you're mad that our relationship is over, you have no one to blame but yourself.

 

I resent you and would be happy if we never talked again."

 

 

 

I don't even know where I'm at right now. I feel like I'm back to day 1 all over. He has NEVER, EVER in my years of knowing him EVER said something so hurtful.

 

The only time I did my please-don't-do-this moment was on the phone when he told me he was moving in with his new gf and that was it. I've been focused on moving on ever since and I've been NC ever since. I have no idea where this is coming from and its just.... i'm speechless I dont know what to say (not that I would respond). He's so different... and not the guy I fell in love with.

 

I can't believe he said that. It's like I'm so sad now I can't even cry. The break up is still so fresh, I'm struggling because I still love him, I'm still reeling from that, and now this email.

lovesickmonkey Established Member

lovesickmonkey

Posted
Posted
Two lines.

 

He has NEVER, EVER in my years of knowing him EVER said something so hurtful.

 

 

This is the reality I have been dealing with. Right out of nowhere she is seemingly cruel without remorse. I don't get it.

 

In your case, I don't understand why this e-mail was sent. It was in response to nothing? No phonecalls or texts or e-mails from you? It makes no sense why this would come after two weeks of NC.

Royal Guy Member

Royal Guy

Posted
Posted
Two lines.

 

That's it.

 

"She makes me happier than anyone I've ever been with and if you're mad that our relationship is over, you have no one to blame but yourself.

 

I resent you and would be happy if we never talked again."

 

 

 

I don't even know where I'm at right now. I feel like I'm back to day 1 all over. He has NEVER, EVER in my years of knowing him EVER said something so hurtful.

 

The only time I did my please-don't-do-this moment was on the phone when he told me he was moving in with his new gf and that was it. I've been focused on moving on ever since and I've been NC ever since. I have no idea where this is coming from and its just.... i'm speechless I dont know what to say (not that I would respond). He's so different... and not the guy I fell in love with.

 

I can't believe he said that. It's like I'm so sad now I can't even cry. The break up is still so fresh, I'm struggling because I still love him, I'm still reeling from that, and now this email.

 

First of all please hold yourself together California. You achieved 2 weeks of NC, you can totally do it again.

 

According to me he would send such a mail only if he is Ego hurt or cannot take how can you survive without him. Let him do this. Please don't hurt yourself.

Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

Posted
Posted (edited)

California, there are 3 sides to every story. Your version, their version and the actual truth. I don't care what you did in the relationship, NOBODY and I mean NOBODY deserves to be treated like you have been. Really, no one can take away the pain you are going through now. You have read enough posts on this forum, to know exactly what you need to do going forward. But when your heart has been crushed by someone you trusted then moving on is alot easier said then done.

 

I am reading a pretty helpful book (one of many I have read recently) called Getting Past your breakup ->http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Y.../dp/B0026A6C4U. If I was a close friend of yours I would buy this for you. I think it can really help you through this tough time you are going through. If it's any consolation we have all been through this and everyone here is right behind you. This is a MASSIVE test of character. A test you will pass and a test that will make you a far better and stronger person going foward in your life. Keep posting and keep venting...We are all behind you

Edited by Mack05
flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted

unrelated...but i think the "three sides" thing is a little trite. the more realistic perspective is there is 1. your side, 2. their side, and 3. the OUTside (view).

 

outside sees more angles than the two involved, but indicating there is no truth from the two just sounds off.

 

and i know you didnt invent the phrase :)

smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

Posted
Posted

It sounds to me like he's trying to justify his own actions and make himself feel better or even believe that he's happy. I can't really see any other reason for him to write that.

 

Your best course of action now, ignore it and stay NC. If he sends any more and they keep coming, just reply back with "who you trying to convince, me or you?" or carry on ignoring him.

 

I've been the dumper before yet would never stoop this low. You can and will do much better...

Kilty Established Member

Kilty

Posted
Posted

That is extremely weird

 

If totally unprovoked and you have not (like me) sent any communication wanting reconciliation whatever (in which i got an almost similar response) then its odd.

 

It could be that it's a lot of BS and he is looking for a reaction in an attempt to reinitiate contact - in fact i'd say that its almost a certainty

 

He must have been irked to send that - so if you definitely didnt do anything to provoke that then the question must be what has !

 

Being broke up with you could have been what irked him

 

No communication from you pleading to get back together may be the other thing thats irked him

 

Id bet he still has feelings - especially as its out of character.

 

Something smells rotten about it anyway - and id certainly bet he is not as happy as he is making out

Jdw_Icequeen Established Member

Jdw_Icequeen

Posted
Posted

I have to completley agree with kilty and smudge... He probably isn't happy with his new girlfriend infact this is probably just a rebound but he was excpecting more from you. More pleading crying begging. I think he has feelings for you still and he sent this to try to convince himself otherwise aswell as try to get a reaction from you.

 

Alot of dumpers don't want us to move on after a break up for a long time.

If you haven't spoken to him in a while you probably have given him that vibe that you really don't care anymore. Which is a good thing. This guy sounds like he is trying to play off your emotions.

 

Now this is entirley on the basis that this was not provoked at all like stated in your title. I know your hurt, try to view it diffrently. He wanted a reaction that you didn't give him. So be proud of yourself. The only reason why someone has to blame you like that for the break up and say such harsh words is to start a fight. I'M PROUD OF YOU!! I wouldn't have been able to hold back after such a crappy comment. Its true what everyone says here though saying nothing at all is the most powerful thing you can do... STAY STRONG! and remember you deserve much better then this whole situation..

geegirl Established Member

geegirl

Posted
Posted

If there was no contact on your part and he showed up out of the blue with this, I would have to say that he's provoking a reaction or response from you.

 

If he is really happy with his current squeeze, he'd be too distracted, lost in love by her, to pay you any attention.

 

Don't respond or entertain his mind games. What's the one thing that can drive a person nuts...silence. And he deserves it.

stray Established Member

stray

Posted
Posted

Well, I told you, you'd hear from him again.

 

He is just trying to make sure you're still hurting over him. He is afraid you may have given up on stroking his imploding ego. Do not respond. Do not give in to his game. If this woman was making him as happy as he says he is, he wouldn't bother emailing you at all. I'm sorry you ever dated this jack a*s; good riddance. Again, do not respond, when he's ready for an adult conversation he'll let you know.

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california15 Established Member

california15

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hey guys... I had to take a break and get out of the apartment to vent and clear my head a little over this stupid email situation. I've cried my piece over it and not devoting any more tears to it.

 

LSM; sorry to hear you're going through a mean ex too

 

royal guy; you're right - if I can do 2 weeks and I can do it again, even when I wasn't the one who caved.

 

Mack: thanks for the reading suggestion - I read The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, which is also a nice read - your posts on other threads are very helpful as well.

 

flitzanu: you have a point with the outside view - but sometimes when it hurts so much its hard to be objective, even when its needed.

 

smudge: i also think this might be a justification/ease-of-guilt thing

 

kilty; I know it may be mean but maybe she isn't making him as happy. I like to think I did a pretty good job of being gf, I took it pretty seriously. She has a tough act to follow, thats for sure.

 

JDW Ice: thanks for the encouragement - I've not responded... first because I don't even know what to say to that and second, because I did 2 weeks NC without caving. This is my first test and I want to pass.

 

Geegirl: thanks - you were a tremendous help when this whole thing started too

 

stray: you were right - he did contact me. And you're probably right in that he will again someday.

 

Right now I just want him to leave me alone. This breakup thing is really hard enough as it is + NC temptations when a memory hits, I don't want mean emails. I think you guys are right as in something doesn't click because it was unprovoked and just soooo mean and uncharacteristic... especially since he never badmouthed a previous ex of his. I don't understand it. We had a great relationship too. What the hell

MidnightinMadrid Established Member

MidnightinMadrid

Posted
Posted

I like your name,California15

 

Consider yourself the winner,even though its not a game you would like to play,and feel terribly about this. The fact that he e-mailed you just like the others said,means that he wants and needs you attention and validation.

If he's so in love with his gf he doesnt need to shove that in your face. Guys-and girls can act childish once they have someone new in their life.

Mine did,with the many hurtful things he said,just making it feel like She's important and not me-says it all. Its like a kid,parading his/her new friend in the sandbox in front of the old friend he or she's ignoring.

 

As I said,its nothing but childish kindergarten games,that unfortunately people cant grow out of.

Dont fall in the trap,before you know it,he'll show up at your doorstep bc ignoring him is killing him. When he does,feel free to hit him upside his head with a shoe,a soft one. he needs it.

  • Author
california15 Established Member

california15

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks Madrid.

 

Gaahhh so I got that email yesterday and you'd think It would make me angry and bitchy but all I am today is sad. From reading other threads I know people struggle with feeling inadequate/whatever. That's how I feel. Like I wasn't good enough for him, that the best I had wasn't worthy or good enough.

 

He was the good looking, popular guy that everyone wanted to be friends with and all the girls wanted to date. And for some reason he picked me, and I don't know why. And he always made me feel special. But now that he's with his new girl thats 'the one', (oh how quickly that title was stripped from me) I feel that he found someone better than me, someone who is good enough for him - that's why he got rid of me so easily, because I wasn't up to par enough for him. I don't care about meeting other guys right now - I'm just sad I wasn't good enough for him, the him whose opinion matters most to me.

 

its different when you give your best and even your best isn't enough. where do you go from there?

Royal Guy Member

Royal Guy

Posted
Posted (edited)
Thanks Madrid.

 

Gaahhh so I got that email yesterday and you'd think It would make me angry and bitchy but all I am today is sad. From reading other threads I know people struggle with feeling inadequate/whatever. That's how I feel. Like I wasn't good enough for him, that the best I had wasn't worthy or good enough.

 

He was the good looking, popular guy that everyone wanted to be friends with and all the girls wanted to date. And for some reason he picked me, and I don't know why. And he always made me feel special. But now that he's with his new girl thats 'the one', (oh how quickly that title was stripped from me) I feel that he found someone better than me, someone who is good enough for him - that's why he got rid of me so easily, because I wasn't up to par enough for him. I don't care about meeting other guys right now - I'm just sad I wasn't good enough for him, the him whose opinion matters most to me.

 

its different when you give your best and even your best isn't enough. where do you go from there?

 

Trust me I used to think this is Self related ( as in related to us, the one who got dumped ), but its not. This "better than me" is absolutely not correct. Its more like time related or related to the person who is insensitive to our emotions and feelings and is very self-centered. To that person only the time matters ( in the sense that as time passes people get old and boring ) and self matters.

 

I have a Tee with a slogan " Deeply Superficial Person " printed on it. My "SHE" bought it for me (don't know but I don't like to call her my ex, so the word "SHE"), I never understood its meaning until she dumped me. That that slogan is meant to be funny but now I know that it is real and applicable on many.

Edited by Royal Guy
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