alleyoop Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 Good day everyone! This is my first post in this forum and Im hoping that it won't be my last (except in the future i hope I can be in the role of advice giver rather than advice getter). I've been in a relationship with this girl for a good six months. I can't say I've ever been with someone who fullfills me emotionally like this girl has. The relationship is seemingly perfect. We get along well and all on an emotional and mental level but it is the physical aspect of the relationship that is lacking. We simply don't have enough sex (only twice to date). We often give each other oral sex though, but what im missing is the actual sex. This week we spoke and she asked if the lack of sex is bothering me. I should have told the truth, but I said no. We talked more and I did admit that I wish we had more sex, she led me to believe that more was coming. I called her on Friday morning to ask to go out, but she couldn't cause of her job but she did playfully hint that she would be availiable on Saturday night (of course I linked the playfullness in her voice with our conversation earlier in the week). So today (Saturday) I sent her a playful email (I was certain i was getting "some" tonight) and she replied saying that she didn't want to stay out late because of her class tommorow morning @ 10. Nonetheless I am pissed off now. I don't know what to say to her and I don't even want to see her today or tommorow or the day after. Never has the thought of infidelity ever crossed my mind, but now...what the hell am I supposed to do? Wait another three months for sex?
freebird Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 Why don't you ask her if she's just not into sex? It's better than joking and hinting. Why not just ask her if she's looking for affection and not sexual activity. You might be surprised - there is a lot more to it than you may be assuming? She might have issues of some sort - one never knows. I would just ask her and you do need to tell her sex is important to you and if it is going to be a problem - well, you need to have your needs fulfilled. There is nothing wrong with needing sex - just don't cheat on her - just be honest with her - tell her you need sex and maybe you can work out a solution. You are not the first person to have this dilemna.
echocrush Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 I would suggest you spend a lot more time takling to her about sex, find out what she thinks about it, what she is missing... Maybe she has issues with sex itself, maybe with sex with you, maybe past experiences... and I don't want to hurt you but maybe you are doing something she doesn't like, or just not doing it in a way that pleases her. If you open up a line of communication where she feels safe and secure, and doesn't feel like it's just you trying to get in her pants... she will open up eventually. You just need to give her the chance.
Author alleyoop Posted April 17, 2004 Author Posted April 17, 2004 I don't want to cheat on her, I really don't. But what am I supposed to do? Everyone needs sex here and there and last I checked im not getting any. We did talk about it on Wednesday, but it seems that it had no effect.
Author alleyoop Posted April 17, 2004 Author Posted April 17, 2004 echocrush, if Im doing something that she doesn't like (which is possible) then all she has to do is tell me. As for her not liking sex, she's told me in the past that she loves it and that she loses control and becomes an animal when having sex (which is true). Our two sexual experiences have been simply incredible and Im simply shocked that we haven't done it more.
befuddled11 Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 Originally posted by alleyoop echocrush, if Im doing something that she doesn't like (which is possible) then all she has to do is tell me. As for her not liking sex, she's told me in the past that she loves it and that she loses control and becomes an animal when having sex (which is true). Our two sexual experiences have been simply incredible and Im simply shocked that we haven't done it more. Well if the reason she's not into sex is because you're maybe doing something she doesn't like, and you think that 'all she has to do is tell me'.....well then the same could be said for: why didn't you just come right out and tell her the truth on how you feel with her not being interested in sex? Communication works both ways. And something it isn't easy. You really need to get the answer(s) from here, but here are some possible reasons: -she has a morbid fear of getting pregnant -she was raised to believe that "sex is for marriage" and she's got feelings of guilt in having intercourse..but like many people, thinks that "oral sex" isn't the same thing..so to her, that's acceptable -she's got a sexually transmitted disease (like Herpes or Genital Warts) and is too afraid to tell you, so she avoids sex (doesn't mean she got it from cheating on you, could have contracted something long before you) -she's got some kind of ongoing gynecological problem that she's afraid to tell you about (though I'm assuming that when you say you both have oral sex, that you are allowed to perform it on her?) -she was sexually molested or raped in the past..and has issues with intercourse -she's insecure about her body -there's something about you that turns her off: do you have good personal hygiene? do you wash your package properly? (nothing more gross than the smell of sweaty, funky balls) -she's having sex with someone else These are only possibilities. You need to sit down with her and have a frank discussion about this. There's something "not right" here. You cheating on her isn't the solution. If your needs aren't being met in the relationship, then be man enough to leave the relationship...don't go screwing around, that's rude. Talk to her. Tell her that you're confused, that in the 6 months you've been together, you've had sex twice and you loved it, and you can't understand why it's only been twice....and you want to understand what's going on.......assure her that you'll not hold her reasons against her........ask her if she's afraid of getting pregant? Does she maybe have an STD she's afraid to confess to you, etc. Get some dialogue going. That's the only way to get to the root of the problem, so that you can go from there, or just go.
moimeme Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 Add to what befuddled and the others said: don't sulk. She has an exam and needs to study. So why didn't you suggest a nooner after the exam? Be a little creative - there's not just nights for sex.
echocrush Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 I have a lot of guy friends, and when they come to me wanting to know how to get their wives/girlfriends to have sex with them the first thing I tell them is stop trying... Quit having sex with her and quit hoping to have sex with her. Just love her, start talking and don't stop... Don't get defensive, and now isn't the time to be close minded talk, talk and talk some more, not trying to get in her pants but trying to get in her mind. I'm not a man, so I can't always understand how a man feels without sex, but I do have a strong sex drive and I know how I feel... but I also know that when something is really bothering me I have no interest in sex, A woman can always tell when a man is kissing up, or doing all the right things just for sex, and the last thing I want is a man pawing at me with "I want sex" written all over his face. All A want is to talk it out, really talk it out... and than I'll feel better and I'll be ripping his clothes off when I'm ready. And yes my advice has worked many times... But advice is not mandatory, take it or leave it...
moimeme Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 that when something is really bothering me I have no interest in sex, Something all men should print out and stick on the backs of their wallets!
dyermaker Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme Something all men should print out and stick on the backs of their wallets! A rather fitting place for it, wouldn't you agree?
moimeme Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 A rather fitting place for it, wouldn't you agree?
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