Anna86 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) I posted here recently about FWB with ex. I got some fantastic advice! I think it really helps to read advice from people from the outside looking in. My ex is seeing someone but he said he is thinking of finishing up with her as he can’t commit to her right now. He says he has no time. He told me he really likes her but every time we talk he mentions how it’s all a mistake with her and he never should have got involved. I think she is nice and I feel sorry for her. I feel like a bad person when my ex tells me this stuff as I know we shouldn’t discuss our love lives. Then, I guess we both got flirty over text. He told me he misses me and that he thinks about our good times together. He meant sex. I know that. He said he wants to do FWB but he has to finish with her first. I am not sure if he will eventually free her or not. He does like the attention and her company. She seems like a nice girl. I don’t get it. It’s like I can’t understand him. Why does he tell me about her all the time. It’s always how ‘shes nice, but I’m not that happy with her’. Is this normal for men to tell this to their exes? I do want FWB with him. I am seeing some guy but he’s not making me happy. I don’t want to sleep with him. I am not sure I ever will. He is kind and attractive but he is too full on and wants more than I am ready to give. My ex wants nothing but sex, and that’s all I want to deal with. I set my standards so high when it comes to men, and I don’t sleep around. The idea makes me feel ill. But I am more than ready to sleep with my ex again. There must be some reason? I am so confused, I am not behaving like an adult and I am letting myself down. But I can’t stop the way I think . From the outside in it is probably clear what is happening. But I am stuck in the middle unable to separate my emotions and desires and they are clouding my judgement. So I am ready for harsh comments. Edited June 13, 2011 by Anna86
Mack05 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 As stated in my thread... "Continuing a physical relationship after giving up the committed relationship and its inherent respondsibilities is a prescription for trouble. Do not buy into "friends with benefits" scenarios. Benefits must have corresponding respondsibilites and if they don't you are using each other. So stop it and grow up. There is no such thing as "friends with benefits". There is only friends who have no idea what they're doing to the detriment of themselves and each other. Don't do it with your ex or anyone else for that matter. Conduct your life with dignity, and don't give away anything unless the person you're giving it to takes some responsibility toward you, especially if he or she is an ex lover. If it's dead bury it. Don't sleep with it"
geegirl Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I do want FWB with him. I believe the advice you get will be the same as what you got on your last thread and this thread. You say you do want FWB with him. 1. Is it just plain ole' unadulterated sex you want from him? You meet. Flirt, romp around, have your sex and then put your clothes on and walk away. You're not feeling slightly dirty that it was just sex and wondering how he's viewing you. Your head is not inundated with what just happened for the next two weeks. You're not wishing you could just lay there and have this man on a more intimate and deeper level. You're not sitting at home wondering when you can see him again. You go on with your day to day, not placing any importance on him and what's going on with him, until you meet up again for, just sex. 2. Or do you, deep down miss intimacy with your ex and you're confusing that or at least kidding yourself into believing all you want is to be FWB with him and it's just sex? Who cares what he's telling you about this girl? The question at hand is, are you capable of being his f*** buddy? If you can, also be prepared that if he meets someone else, you'll either share him if he's not serious about her or take a back seat if he's serious about her. The fact that you're on here asking, is your answer. If you were able to just let it be unemotional sex, you'd be having it by now instead of analyzing it twenty different ways.
Author Anna86 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 You are right as usual GeeGirl. I am so thankful for your advice!!! I will be honest, I am not sure what I want. Maybe I don't want to lose him and this is the only way I feel I can have in in my life...Or maybe I am over him and I want sex. But how can I know??
geegirl Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) You are right as usual GeeGirl. I am so thankful for your advice!!! I will be honest, I am not sure what I want. Maybe I don't want to lose him and this is the only way I feel I can have in in my life...Or maybe I am over him and I want sex. But how can I know?? I believe you don't want to lose him and if this is the only you can have him in your life, then so be it. I also believe that you think that if you have sex with him, there could be a possibility that he reverts back to what he once felt for you and the hope that his feelings change and you both rekindle what you once had If you are over him and just want sex, you won't be asking this same question over and over. You'd just look at it as having sex and nothing more. How can I know? Well you know. You are just in denial. But if you still don't know because you want what you want...you can have sex with him one time, then feel the aftermath and then you will know for sure you won't want to touch it with a ten foot pole or that you're likely over him and can just enjoy him for sex. I'd refrain from trial and error because the fact that you're so unsure leads me to believe that you're still attached to him emotionally, and having sex with him is only going to fire up all those feelings. Edited June 13, 2011 by geegirl
justagirrl Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I think we are the same person Anna86. I'm going thru the EXACT same thing right now..Geegirl knows...and her advice even helped me. Recently, a text from my ex said: "This is exactly why I won't chill with you anymore...not because I "played" you, it's because i realized it is unfair for me to keep hanging out with you when I don't want this to go any further...only a friendship is what I want. And yes, it was my mistake to keep having sex with you, but I don't want to keep hanging out with you when you like me." I've convinced myself that I am over him. And I want to have sex with him after talking about this to see if I'm right, and if I can really just have sex with him and nothing more. After hearing this, at least I know. And once he knows I'm over him, we'll get together. There's no point =( but I miss him so much I feel like it's the only way i'll be able to see him.
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