placeholder Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Hey everyone. I'm doing okay, but I have a question. My ex contacted me today that she found a couple of my items still in her possession, and that she remembered some of hers that I still had. So she messages me in a REALLY FORMAL WAY. Like, as if she were a lawyer. "Salutation Here" "Some of your items in my living space." Part of me wants to know: what the fffff? She also suggested I give these items of hers to a mutual friend. When I had suggested the same thing a week after the initial break up, she flipped at me and insisted I see her face to face. How do I respond? Or do I not? She and I have been NC over 3 weeks. The formal tone she's using is also ridiculous. She's already in rebound.. two weeks after talking to her new man. The merchandise isn't even worth that much, and what she has of mine, I've honestly forgotten about. I'm so fed up with the crap I've been getting from her. I have done nothing except be independent and tried my best to move on since the break up. She's been treating me like dirt even though SHE BROKE UP WITH ME. *sigh* I've been becoming stronger post break-up, she's becoming more bitter and angry. I honestly don't know what to do. It's kind of a joke.
Exit Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Who knows, either she really wants the stuff or she's playing games. For one thing, you say you've already forgotten about your possessions, so just let them remain forgotten. If she says to give her stuff to a mutual friend, then go ahead and do it. Just try not to read into things or figure out what she's doing, become indifferent and just take them at face value. She wants a few things back? Ok, get them back to her before she turns ugly about it. You don't care about your stuff? Ok, don't go to any great lengths to get them back, and if she tries to use it against you that they are taking up space in her place you can tell her to toss them in the trash because you aren't concerned about them. If she's playing games with you -- playing it cool will make her realize it's gonna take more than that to get your attention. And if she isn't playing games with you and just wants her stuff, then you're getting it taken care of without getting your feelings involved. Win/win. Just tell her you'll put her stuff somewhere and she can have a friend get it whenever, and that you aren't concerned about your things but if she is that motivated to get rid of them, the same mutual friend can't leave your stuff outside for you. Normally I would say don't break NC but in the case of someone asking for possessions back, well, what can you do? I wouldn't want to risk that they're actually going to become aggressive about it or say I'm stealing their things. If she wants to get in your head she's already succeeding, so just pull yourself back and look at it simply. She wants a few things, round them up, put them in a box, tell her just as formally as she spoke to you that "your things are set outside in a safe spot, your friend may come get it whenever. I'm not worried about my stuff but if you don't want to throw it out, have your friend return them to the same spot". This is just my opinion, others may say to maintain NC, but if someone is asking for something that truly belongs to them it's a bit of a gray area. No need to call her or anything, text her, or better yet if she has an email that she checks, just notify here there that her stuff can be picked up. There's "breaking NC" and then there's BREAKING NC. You can utter a few words to her about how to pick up her stuff and still go about your business. That's not the same as emotionally breaking NC and letting her reel you back in or mess with you. Don't let this shake you. Just take care of business and go back to moving on.
ItsRainingAgain Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Wondering how things went. This is what I don't get....if they break up with us why not give our and get their belongings right after the break? My coward of a boyfriend ended it pretty much over the phone...I asked for my belongings a couple of weeks right after the break, he said some of those things are "not yours" ok the hair straightner, spare keys to my car, some under garments, etc. are not mine? I wrote in a email at that time ...you decide what I can have and drop them off at my uncles building (where I sell things out of) right down the street from him...then I said if not fine...they are only material things and they can be easily be replaced...I said the last year of my life can not. Is this there way of holding on? They ended it why not wipe the slate clean and give and get the belongings back. I too have been broken up for a 1 1/2 months...4 weeks no contact...and I still have not received my items...and I don't have any intensions of asking for them again! Not sure if this is there way...to contact us...or in my case for me to contact him.
flitzanu Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 i want my Yoga dvd back from my ex gf. if she wants something back, i'd say mail it to her. if you take it to her "friend" don't dare discuss ANYTHING with the friend. give the items, and leave. if she keeps hounding you about your stuff being there? tell her to shove it up her...well, tell her to toss it if you don't care to get it back.
geegirl Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 No need to contact her. Just shove everything in a box, even if it's a tampon and give it to her friend. Only contact the friend when you need to make arrangements for transfer. Quick exchange. Don't talk or ask about her. As for your stuff, if she contacts you and you don't need it anymore, ignore. She will get the hint.
victoriaaa Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 my ex too keeps hounding me about giving me my stuff, only stupid stuff like shampoo etc (quite expensive ones though). ive even told him to throw them out. now hes asking if i want my engagement ring as he has no use for it! i eventually have just told him to give it to his mum to give to me. best thing is to be civil and have a half way point.
batsheba Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Just return what you can, after all, you do not want to hang on to them. And clearly tell her to either throw away your stuff or put it in the mail. Then go back NC. I have sought out my stuff once from my ex, even mailed out some $ for him to send them back via postal mail. Never got them. And they're of value. One thing I know, its part of closure.
flitzanu Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 i did once have an ex contact me two months later about an item. 2 months prior i'd said toss it if it's in your way and you won't drop it off at my porch. 2 months after, i get a text asking about it again. then another telling me i'm childish and immature for not answering (4 hours later). i don't always think they are methods to "hold on" to people, or to have a connection, but i do think they sometimes become "ammo".
WhisperinnWinds Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I find it kind of strange she'd contact you this late about belongings after refusing it initially. As soon as you find out you have something of somebody's, you should return it. I would get in touch with the friend at this point and keep contact through her. Set up a time and date with her to make the exchange. Then walk away. Block your ex on Facebook/other social networking sites, your e-mail, change all of your passwords, change your phone number if she's persistent, etc., and move on with your life. A lot of folks do the dumping, but they still want to do the controlling. They want it all to be on their terms so they 'win.' Don't take any of her crap. Don't write back to her. Keep up no contact.
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