charlieyost Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) Hello, I had a small argument with my ex girlfriend one month ago. I told her that if things continue this way, we might not work out. And told her that we should take a 1 week break. I said it because I was lost and upset. I didn't know what to do. She texted me in the night, I told her I missed her, she said she missed me too. But also said that she wants me to understand that it is nobody's fault that we are always arguing. And that this relationship might not be working out and she is preparing herself. Obviously I panicked. I gave her a few days, and started contacting her. She did say in her break up email that maybe things will happen in the future, but it is going to take awhile. And she decided that we should break up. I spoke to her, she was very kind, listened to me cry on the phone. She even said she might need sometime to think about the relationship after the phone call. But I was impatient. I asked her again the next day to get back together. She said no, she can't be with me anymore. I left her alone for a few days, started penning down my thoughts in a book. Then I spoke to her one day. I told her how I felt, all the mistakes I made, begged and pleaded with her. But she kept rejecting me. She said she cannot say yes to reconcile because she will not be happy. She said she can't be with me. I sent her an email explaining myself. Like what everyone else would have done. And of cos it didn't work! Her last words were I no longer feel inclined towards a relationship with you. That really caught me and I decided to leave her alone. I read online about No Contact. Honestly, I decided to start No Contact thinking that maybe she will miss me and change her mind. But slowly I realised that No Contact was actually for me. I stuck with No Contact for awhile. We have an online business together, so we have to communicate with each other. And she did ask how I was doing, and told me about what she is doing. Then we were back to No Contact. I saw on her facebook, she posted a song that she sent to me when we were dating with the subtitle 'sigh'. She also posted this on her facebook. Again and again, however we know the landscape of love and the little churchyard there, with its sorrowing names, and the frighteningly silent abyss into which the others fall: again and again the two of us walk out together under the ancient trees, lie down again and again among the flowers, face to face with the sky. - Rainer Maria Rilke I then remember her saying that I am a passive aggressive person. So I decided to read up on this behaviour. Wow. It was so true. My behavior, was truly someone who is passive aggressive. I read up alot and realised that No Contact might be bad for me cos she might think that I am punishing her by giving her the silent treatment. So I emailed her and explained that I wasn't doing that. We have been emailing and she has been really kind with her words. Telling me how she learnt from our relationship, had good times with me, learnt more about herself. And hope that me reading up on p/a will make me a more forgiving person to my next partner. And she said 'I promise you even though we are not together I will never forsake you' & 'I really appreciate this email from you, and I hope you didnt write this to explain anything'. I told her I understand my problem and what I did to the relationship and her. Anyways, we had plans to make a trip to Hong Kong in a month's time for her birthday and to purchase stocks for our business. I told her that I am not sure if I can handle being there with her. Just the two of us. I explained and she said that it is okay if I don't want to go. I really love this girl. And I hope that she can see the change in me. And in the future, maybe we will have another chance together. Do you have a passive aggressive partner? Tell me what to do to win her back again. Edited June 13, 2011 by charlieyost delete
Author charlieyost Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Oh we have been together for 21 months
Exit Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 It's a good idea not to go on that trip with her and as far as winning her back, the only thing you can do is leave her alone. It doesn't sound too hopeful right now, despite your email communications she is still saying things like "you'll be better for your next partner" and that she "learned from your relationship" referring to it as something that is over and done with. The truest saying is that if you love someone let them go and if they come back they are yours, and if they don't then they never were. It is a situation that will resolve itself and it requires zero input or influence on your part. You'd want her to come back because she realizes she loves you and shouldn't have given up on you, not because you had to convince her or "win" her. Most people in our love-addicted states of mind just can't understand this, we think we have to chase and pursue and get them back. But the only way it can work out and have a true 2nd chance is for the person who left to come back on their own. Keep doing what you're doing, but do it for yourself, don't use the motivation of winning someone back. Read about your behaviors, learn about yourself, and do exactly what she said, be a better partner for the next person you meet. Instead of looking at the situation with false hope and reading into what she's posting on Facebook, realize that she is encouraging you to be a better partner for someone else, she isn't saying "oh no, you're going to get over your issues and then someone else is going to get to enjoy your company, I messed up!". She's wishing you luck in finding someone to replace her. Just focus on yourself and whatever happens happens.
Author charlieyost Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 thanks Exit for the advice. That really made alot of sense to me. I am going to stick with that and work on myself. I spoke to her best friend just now. She told me she havent spoke to my ex gf for quite some time alr. She studies psychology and I think it will be very good for me to open up to her. Since I have not spoken to anyone about my break up. I am going to work on myself and see how things go. If things are meant to be, it will be. I don't have to work so hard to convince someone if they truly love me. I know it is going to be hard. But I am definitely going to keep what you said in my mind. I have to be strong, and I have to focus on myself right now.
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