AmericanHoney Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 We all get dumped yet there are people ( my friends included) that want the people back that dumped them or treated them like trash or hooked up with another girl while they were dating. My question is why??? I see my friends miserable and crying over the way their exes treated them and yet they let them back into their lives and they want them back. Personally if someone treated me like trash or dumped me via text I certainly wouldn't want them back in fact I would be happy they are out of my life.
lovesickmonkey Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Yeah ... I think what I want back is the love that I remember. The person who loved me. We don't really want the new, non-loving person. It's the horrible combination of hating the person who got rid of you or fell out of love with you and loving the person they once were (who no longer exists). When we cry and run back and beg the person to return we're really asking them to please turn back time. We're all in this dreadful position.
Author AmericanHoney Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 I think sometimes we put on rose-colored glasses and think everything is okay or we think oh maybe they will change.
smudge21 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 There's a line someone once posted on here - "I don't miss them, I miss the person I thought they were". When we break up we seem to only be able to picture and remember the good times, never all the bad that caused the break up. We all think we can make things better and get back to how things were if we had that one more chance, but often the whole thing is out of our hands and not even the dumpees fault - so why we think we can fix something we didn't break is very wierd. Saying that, I've been there and acted the exact same way. Sadly until that emotional bond is gone, that connection to the ex, it's very hard to see things any other way. When you're like this, or you have friends that are like this, the only thing anyone can ever do is be there for that person. I can churn out constant advice, but like everyone else, actually following that advice is often very difficult. I guess it's a case of until you're in that position, it's very hard to understand the pain and heartbreak people are going through.
Author AmericanHoney Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 I have had my share of heartbreak so I understand what my friends are going through. I am always there for them but I hate seeing how upset they are and I hate seeing them wish they would come back when they were so awful to them but it takes time to heal and you are right when you say you miss the person they once were.
RuinedLife Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Yeah ... I think what I want back is the love that I remember. The person who loved me. We don't really want the new, non-loving person. It's the horrible combination of hating the person who got rid of you or fell out of love with you and loving the person they once were (who no longer exists). When we cry and run back and beg the person to return we're really asking them to please turn back time. We're all in this dreadful position. I think sometimes we put on rose-colored glasses and think everything is okay or we think oh maybe they will change. In my case I triggered my break up. But I agree with this, I don't want the new unloving person my ex has become I want the old loving ex, the one who I could connect to on many levels and who had some respect for me. That respect is gone now. But I haven't change, he has. He always told me "Don't ever change" which is such irony because he is the one who has changed, almost beyond all recognition.
depplover_1980 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 We all get dumped yet there are people ( my friends included) that want the people back that dumped them or treated them like trash or hooked up with another girl while they were dating. My question is why??? I see my friends miserable and crying over the way their exes treated them and yet they let them back into their lives and they want them back. Personally if someone treated me like trash or dumped me via text I certainly wouldn't want them back in fact I would be happy they are out of my life. I was always a big pusher of this attitude. The best thing a dumped person can do is start facing reality and get their heads out of the clouds. Wanting someone back who has treated you dreadfully is very disrespectful of ones self.
Mack05 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) We all get dumped yet there are people ( my friends included) that want the people back that dumped them or treated them like trash or hooked up with another girl while they were dating. My question is why??? I see my friends miserable and crying over the way their exes treated them and yet they let them back into their lives and they want them back. Personally if someone treated me like trash or dumped me via text I certainly wouldn't want them back in fact I would be happy they are out of my life. Another great post American honey. My ex dumped me over the phone, literally 12 hours after stopping me in a park near her house and gave me the most tender kiss that I can ever remember. Once she broke NC to tell me that one of her friends was 'probably' diagnosed with pancreatic cancer by a doctor. I found out later that was a TOTAL lie. She used my own sister against me by playing the hapless victim, using the fact that I was in the worst place of my life to hurt me even more. I wanted answers to the questions above (how could she be so cruel and cold) and I got back "if you contact me again, then I will call the police and you will be prosecuted with harassment". Now I know my ex has a cold side. She got dealt a horrible hand in life. I know there is a good person in there (she just has some sort of personality disorder), so I forgave her. BUT take her back! Not if she was the last woman on planet earth!!!. I have no idea (as American Honey) why do people want to go back to their ex's that treat them so horribly. I think it's a self esteem thing. I think people with high self esteem don't continually fall for these losers. By having a high self esteem and loving ourselves (as corny as that sounds) we attract the right kind of people.. Edited June 13, 2011 by Mack05
Royal Guy Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 We all get dumped yet there are people ( my friends included) that want the people back that dumped them or treated them like trash or hooked up with another girl while they were dating. My question is why??? I see my friends miserable and crying over the way their exes treated them and yet they let them back into their lives and they want them back. Personally if someone treated me like trash or dumped me via text I certainly wouldn't want them back in fact I would be happy they are out of my life. We get this understanding only when we see others in pain, honestly. Otherwise we all usually tend to fall for them. Yeah ... I think what I want back is the love that I remember. The person who loved me. We don't really want the new, non-loving person. Quoted for Truth. There's a line someone once posted on here - "I don't miss them, I miss the person I thought they were". When we break up we seem to only be able to picture and remember the good times, never all the bad that caused the break up. We all think we can make things better and get back to how things were if we had that one more chance, but often the whole thing is out of our hands and not even the dumpees fault - so why we think we can fix something we didn't break is very wierd. Sad but true. I think it's a self esteem thing. I think people with high self esteem don't continually fall for these losers. By having a high self esteem and loving ourselves (as corny as that sounds) we attract the right kind of people.. I would say what lovesickmonkey said is more apt, although you are totally correct as well. Its the combination of both. The desire that gave us a rise and reason in life, throws us down in the feet of the person whom we love and burns out self-esteem to dust. But all we want is that person who loved us and thats what we tend to beg for and when it goes further below this level, its desire to just stay with that person even as their slave like that video somebody posted " I'll stay on your terms ". That is like the death of self-esteem.
superchiefs Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 We all get dumped yet there are people ( my friends included) that want the people back that dumped them or treated them like trash or hooked up with another girl while they were dating. My question is why??? I see my friends miserable and crying over the way their exes treated them and yet they let them back into their lives and they want them back. Personally if someone treated me like trash or dumped me via text I certainly wouldn't want them back in fact I would be happy they are out of my life. The reason they want them back is that people that get dumped have holes to fill. Sometimes they end up filling those holes with the person that dumped them. It is similar to a rebound.
Author AmericanHoney Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 My friends do have really low self-esteem. They always say how they hate themselves and how they will never find a man and then they finally do they treat them like dirt they have the rose colored glasses on and do not see him for what he really is. One of my favorite quotes from He's Just not that Into you So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a crap, he genuinely doesn't give a crap no exceptions ( I used more board friendly words) but I agree with that statement 100 percent.
Ginger Beer Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 My friends do have really low self-esteem. They always say how they hate themselves and how they will never find a man and then they finally do they treat them like dirt they have the rose colored glasses on and do not see him for what he really is. One of my favorite quotes from He's Just not that Into you So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a crap, he genuinely doesn't give a crap no exceptions ( I used more board friendly words) but I agree with that statement 100 percent. This could be a stupid question but would you say this also applies to women too?
Author AmericanHoney Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Of course! Guys get it just as bad as ladies do.
WiseOne1 Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Well thats a easy question to ask. Because your still in love with that person, and it takes time for love to fad, give it sometime, you all will be over your ex at some point. Why just today I seen a ex that I hadn't seen in YEARS, (the ex that brought me to loveshack) and I didn't even feel a bit of love, it was like she was a stranger. For example, we can understand and see this easily when were looking in from the outside in, but when were ACTUALLY in the situation things aren't so easy. To quote a old famous phrase (Easier said than done)
Fufu Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 I don't want him back anymore. my reason is simple: He gave me up so easily even before trying to work things out once. Not even once. However, I too have come to the stage of I wish him all the best in his health and happiness and also to find his right one.
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