TearyEyedPride Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) You guys may have seen some of my previous posts. If not... I've been broken up now for over two weeks, and NC for officially 1 week (dumpee). Some moments I feel fine. Others are not so gracious. It seems like the saddest times for me are at night when i'm alone to face my feelings right before bed, or during slow points of the day. I think I've gotten closure, and as much as I hate to say it. I do believe we're really over. Going into NC, I promised my ex, that once I was able to be just a friend to him, I would contact him. He didn't want to stop talking, but I did explain to him how it would help me heal and he said he understood. I'm an overthinker, so reading other threads, and knowing the way I feel right now, I believe I set myself up for failure by making that promise. What that entails is that essentially I will need to contact him when I'm over him... or it means however long I stay away, I haven't gotten over him. See? I'm kinda kicking myself there... I'll be damned if I do and damned if i don't. My inner struggle recently is that I don't believe I'll be able to completely get over my ex in the way that I'd like to think. There will always be some part of me that he touched and changed forever. I'm not even sure if I want to be friends with him anymore. I mean I love the person he proclaimed to be, but he gave up on loving me and ended up hurting me worse than anything I've ever experienced in my life. I don't owe him anything, and if we couldn't make a ldr work... how could we make a long distance friendship work and what exactly does that entail? With that being said, should I break no contact and communicate these new developments with him now and then go back to square one? Should I wait a few more weeks and see where my mind is then? I mean I promised... so communicating seems inevitable. Any ideas? Edited June 13, 2011 by TearyEyedPride
stray Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Absolutely not. Stop kidding yourself; you're just looking for a fix, like an addict. If you contact him, he'll know you're not handling this well. He's not gonna buy that you're ready for a friendship (I mean, to all observers here, that's a joke). Have a little respect for yourself. Bite the bullet and sleep it off.
Author TearyEyedPride Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 That's what I'm saying... If i'm not capable of being his friend at all in the future, then maybe I need to let him know. He'll know that we don't have anything more than diplomacy to salvage between us and he'll move towards forgetting me instead. In turn, I'm hoping to release this burden I feel like I have on me. I think I should give it more time though. Everything is still fairly new, and I do need to think about what everything means and proceed in a manner that I can live with.
shook187 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 write this down and print it. HE ONLY WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE HE FEELS BAD FOR HURTING YOU. this will then make him feel better. you'll just be telling him something that you don't feel. something i've done, i've lied to myself and told my ex things she want's to hear. like "i don't hate you" we'll be friends in a few months. this is just to get her to leave me alone.
Exit Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 No reason to contact him. I highly doubt he is "waiting around" for that day when you're willing to be friends, so he doesn't need to be alerted to the fact that you may never return. And the whole idea that "if I never contact him, then it ends up looking like I never moved on" is nonsense. You're forgetting the other possibility, that you moved on, got over him, and then realized there was no point in trying to be friends with that person either. I agree with what stray posted above, you may not realize it but it sounds like you are looking for an excuse just to make contact with him. You said yourself, you don't owe this guy anything, he decided to have a future without you, not the other way around. So if you know that you don't owe him anything, why do you feel that you owe him a notification that you've changed your mind about being friends in the future. He doesn't need to know that. And if at some point in the future he starts to wonder why you never got back in touch with him, let it be on him to wonder about it or come after you wondering why you never came back around. You do not need to tell him anything right now. It's good that you're at least deciding to give it some time and rethink things, and hopefully you will come to this same realization. Part of you is just looking for a reason to talk to him. NC is difficult, why would you want to send yourself back to square one like that? Maybe part of you thinks you should tell him that you'll never be friends because that will scare him and make him rethink things. Your conscious mind is telling you "maybe I should do him a favor and tell him I don't think we can ever be friends", but something else is going on subconsciously, so take the time to think about it and ask yourself why you really feel like contacting him.
Author TearyEyedPride Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Hmmmm. Ok. Thanks for the insight guys. For some reason I still feel like I'd be lying to him... maybe that's the subconscious battle brewing? IDK. But I'm going to try working through these feelings maintaining NC.
ahoy Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Even if it were "lying" to him as you put it, you and him no longer owe each other honesty. You owe it to yourselves to get on with your own lives, but that's about all.
PegNosePete Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 You need to think less about him and more about you. You are the most important person in your life, after all.
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