NicoleM Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) Okay this is probably the worst feeling ever ( and dumb too) but my ex finally deleted his dating account ( he hasn't been on in awhile and said availiable) and I found out he deleted his account which means he is happy:sick: He is in a relationship and has no plans on trolling the dating sites anymore ( which is where I met him) How do I know he deleted his account?? I decided to get a A-List and I can visit privately and it said user not found when I looked him up. How Lame am I?? I just thought of him yesterday thinking I wish he would come back well guess he isn't since he isn't on that dating site anymore and he used to be on there all the time even when we dated! Ugh!!!! Edited June 13, 2011 by NicoleM
smudge21 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I feel your pain. You're doing that thing of keeping tabs on your ex and always looking for that hope that eventually he's going to realise his mistake and come back, or at very least you'll find out he's missing you. Then when you find something like this it's like a nail in that coffin of your relationship. I've held out hope for far too long, despite all the nails in my relationship coffin and I too have gone looking for info - never finding anything good of course, yet I still do it. Always looking for that little bit of hope. It's not there, and it's never going to be. Both our ex's have moved on, sadly accepting that is the hardest thing. There's no quick fix, and even though you know this now, you'll probably still bring your mind back to thinking there's a chance. I think it's just the way this whole healing process works. We have to see all these negatives until eventually we totally accept it's over and are able to move on. Time really is the only healer. Stay strong, you're not alone.
Author NicoleM Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Exactly!! It is a nail in the coffin for sure. I kept wishing he would come back realize hey Nicole was a great person I was a jerk I am going to give her a call and say hey sorry I was so mean can we have another chance? That didn't happen obviously and it pains me thinking he is with another girl and how quickly he forgot all about me and sadly there will never be another chance. I guess when I saw he deleted his profile I realized it's over there is no more chances he has moved on and I can move on but it still hurts so,so bad.
RuinedLife Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Yes I can relate to the coffin analogy. I've had so many nails in my relationship coffin now, but I still strive to peer through the cracks in the wood, to look for the light of hope outside, calling out and hoping my ex will find me. And acceptance is very hard. People always say, "You just need to accept its over and move on" but that is incredibly difficult to do. Saying "That its over and I've accepted this break up and I am completely over my ex" is one thing, but actually believing it, is another and it can be very difficult to alter your thinking to that new mind set and move forward away from your past with your ex. I'm still stuck in that past with my ex and my denial is as strong as ever. I still find myself thinking about my ex all the time and so cling to the hope that he'll change his mind realise how much he loves me and come back.
smudge21 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 My ex got back with her long term ex, got engaged, started planning the marriage and yet I still think there's hope... how sad is that? I know I shouldn't but I just can't help it. Thinking like this doesn't interfere with my life, but the thoughts are there, always. I know she does still feel something for me, but sadly it was never going to be as strongly as I felt about her, and now she's moved on totally. I know it, but just can't seem to accept it. I do know that at some stage I will be full of acceptance and I'll be moved on, just like you will be Nicole. It will happen but it takes time. Just accept that somedays you'll be okay, others you'll feel bad. Eventually the good will outweigh the bad and then you'll be able to move on... and find someone new.
giuliano-3 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 So, one thing I did which helped me is write down all the negative things about my ex which bothered me. Then wrote down the positives. In my case the positives outweighed the negative, but I realized that I never even mentioned how her negatives affected me - and she also never confronted me about my negatives. This became a negative relationship trait "we never confronted each other/argued." If you never air your grievances, bad emotions fester. One great thing an experience like a break-up can do for us is make us realize what we have been looking for in a SO, and what we should be looking for in a SO. After being dumped it is very natural to place the ex on a pedestal. Because they are more powerful than you, because you want them more than they want you. Once you knock them off that pedestal and look back honestly at the things which went wrong while together you can see them for what they are/were. In many cases the ex was actually the weak one, but they turned the tables on the relationship by dumping or walking away. Saying you "just need to accept its over and move on" is way too simple. There are many steps to this process and it is very easy to get sidetracked from making actual progress. Time is on your side, even if it seems otherwise.
reimeivn Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Yeah thats right. You look back carefully at the ex and you will see that, like my ex, he did too many things wrong, hurt me too badly. When I told him to appreciate me or else I would walk away, he dumped me first. Write down the list with your handwriting. Carefully each of the events and see the one who failed was your ex, not you. He really was, thats why he is the one who broke it off, and walked away. He failed in loving you the way you did to him, he did not have the ability. So he went find another that could put up with his craps. hug hug
Author NicoleM Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 I actually wrote down a list of pros/cons ( while I was dating him) and surprise there were more cons. I have no idea why I liked him so much maybe because he was funny and romantic but nothing else. I think he finally figured out I was too smart and I knew what he was up to so he took the chicken way out and found another girl who was perhaps too stupid to see how inconsiderate he really was so she puts up with his behavior. I did accept the break-up for the longest,longest time and had emphasis on thought I moved on but then I passed his neighborhood ( again not stalking) and went back to the nightclub for the first time since we broke up and it brought back all these memories and I thought about him and decided to check his profile just to see what he was up to and then I found out he deleted it ( which usually means they found someone) so that was really the final nail in the coffin and he is never ever coming back. I know someday I will be over him when I finally meet someone new and we have a great time sure it won't replace him exactly but I will be over him and have the courage to move on.
Dreamer23 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 I have no idea why I liked him so much I often say that live is not only blind, it is also deaf, dumb and stupid. A lot of your behaviour seems quite familiar as I am prone to doing the same, all that checking up and daydreaming about his return (pr her return in my case) It is really not healthy and although I am worried about my behaviour it is nice to know that other people go through it (although not nice for them). I feel less alone. I hope you get some useful advice
Ghosst Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Okay this is probably the worst feeling ever ( and dumb too) but my ex finally deleted his dating account ( he hasn't been on in awhile and said availiable) and I found out he deleted his account which means he is happy:sick: He is in a relationship and has no plans on trolling the dating sites anymore ( which is where I met him) How do I know he deleted his account?? I decided to get a A-List and I can visit privately and it said user not found when I looked him up. How Lame am I?? I just thought of him yesterday thinking I wish he would come back well guess he isn't since he isn't on that dating site anymore and he used to be on there all the time even when we dated! Ugh!!!! Wait....do you know for sure that he is happy? in a relationship and has no plans on trolling the dating sites? Have you made assumptions based on your fears? I did this a number of times with my ex. When I would be horrible and text him he would be kind and reassure me and tell me the truth. I once thought that he bought a new apartment with the girl he was dating after me because of a post on facebook...my bad stalking .....he was actually in the process of breaking things off with the girl and had bought the apartment with a friend. I jumped to conclusions and was wrong. I felt pretty foolish. Lesson learned. Maybe his being on the same site as you bothered him? Maybe he was not finding the kind of people he wanted? Maybe he was tired of answering compatibility questions? Maybe he just moved to another site? Maybe he is taking a break from dating to recover from your relationship? In the end we believe that our exs have moved on and are happy and we are the ones struggling. I think if it really was love, we all struggle in our own ways. Do you really want HIM to come back or are you just lonely and want to have someone similar but better in your life?
Author NicoleM Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Maybe his being on the same site as you bothered him? Definitely not because he trolled that dating site even when he was dating me and then one day it went from single to av which means he is seeing someone and hadn't logged in for over a month so yesterday I was thinking about him and he deleted it so while I can make assumptions it is pretty clear he found someone. Maybe he was not finding the kind of people he wanted? Doubtful because again his status went from single to available which in OKcupid terms means they are seeing someone but not exclusive or something like that. Maybe he was tired of answering compatibility questions? Again doubtful Maybe he just moved to another site? Doubtful because why else would he put available on his profile instead of single not log into in for a month and then deleted it? Maybe he is taking a break from dating to recover from your relationship? Ha,ha good one! He were never in a relationship because he was so such a commitaphobe but he suddenly found someone after he dumped me ya pretty insulting after he never committed to me. I kinda want him back into my life because I miss our laughter together and I miss the fun we used to have but I do not miss the way he treated me and pretended like I didn't matter. Weird how things work as they say we get blinded by love.
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