Dated girl, got internship at home, how to respond to "lets be friends for summer"?

[Bluekoolaid]

I wanted an opinion on a girl that I dated for about 2 weeks at the end of school. We're both juniors at the same college. Anyway by a struck of bad and good luck I landed an internship at the middle of may after we had dated for 2 weeks. She said things like "you should live in east lansing even if you get the internship" and things that to me, sounded like she wanted a long distance relationship...

 

Since the day I left for my internship (3 weeks ago) I haven't seen her . We had made plans three times, but she either always had previous plans, or thought I was joking about meeting up (long story), or just seemed reluctant. But this whole time, we've been texting back and forth. 1 week ago we made plans to take a roadtrip this summer to new york so I thought there was still some interest.

 

Anyway last night we were on the phone trying to meet up, but her knees hurt, so we didn't go walking, i've seen every movie at the theatre, so we didn't go to the movies, anyway she was like "well lets do something tomorrow", and I was like sick of always not being able to meet up, always changing plans, and her always doing stupid stuff like like that. I had been wanting to talk to her about us and get a clear cut answer from her about where we stand. We live about 70 minutes apart and it was never really talked about when I left. After 3 weeks of not seeing each other, I didn't wanna wait to talk about it in person, and on the phone talked about "us" and where we were.

 

Her take was that we "most probably" would have turned into a relationship had I stayed in East Lansing with her. Since that wasn't the case, she said she doesn't see the point in us "dating" and not being able to see other people if I can only visit her 2 days at a time. I told her it doesn't need to be an exclusive thing, but it would be nice to see each other and do relationship stuff when we see each other.

 

She said "I am really sorry.... I just don't want to get attached to someone who won't be there with me .... I really enjoyed talking with you and being with you!"

 

She says that she doesn't want to put any skin into it incase something happens over the summer and asked me "you wouldnt mind if I started dating another guy, started comparing him to you and chose him over you? ... I wouldn't like that if it happened to me"

 

She said "i dont know why we cant be friends and see where it goes later on?". I told her if she just wants to be friends over the summer, i'd rather not hang out. Was that a mistake or the right thing to do? We texted a little afterwards, and the last thing she said was "Ok I know you're not the happiest with me but I'd still like to talk with you and be friends over the summer"

 

What do I respond to that last text message with, and what should my stance be on this? My take is, I don't want to be the back-burner summer guy who stays her friend and waits to see if she's still single by the fall. Is it a good idea to just remain friends and stay in contact or do I disregard completely or...... just ignore what she said and just make moves on her when we do meet up? EVEN after this whole "I think we should just remain friends over the summer" ideology of hers, she STILL wants to go on the road trip, which is confusing to me. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals

 

I feel I need to respond to the text, so I don't look like I'm butt-hurt after she called me out on being mad at her (which i'm not... i was just happy I got an answer out of her) just not sure how to approach this.

 

Right now, Im thinking something along the lines of "XXXX, I’m not angry with you. I think I value myself too much to just remain friends over the summer and see what happens."

[Bluekoolaid]

Still looking for advice

[Bluekoolaid]

Still looking for advice

 

;\ Still would like opinions

[oaks]

It sounds like you've listed all the options. I'm not clear if she's offering just friends or something slightly more, but you want a relationship and don't want to be just an option for her. That doesn't leave any common ground!

 

If you want to be genuinely her friend then that seems to be on offer.

 

If you want some sort of FWB or occasional summer fling then perhaps that's available until one of you finds something better... but she says she doesn't want to get attached and then she talked about what would happen if she started dating someone else, so perhaps that's not available anyway.

 

If you want a relationship then look elsewhere.

 

 

So, what do you want? Tell her.

[Pasttense]

I think the key point is that you only dated for two weeks. This just isn't enough time for most people for their feelings to develop, for them to feel they know someone well enough to make a major commitment. So " being the back-burner summer guy who stays her friend and waits to see if she's still single by the fall" is reasonable. You of course can date others too.

Edited June 13, 2011 by Pasttense